hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video I have a few new
things coming in the future and over the next month in terms of different
coaching options for you guys so if you want to do private coaching and you
haven't been able to I'm going to be rolling out some different coaching
options for you if like I said if you weren't able to do private coaching with
me so that is on its way I also have apparel for you guys one of the things
with me and my business and my brand is and I love what I do I love empowering
not just women people in general I definitely have I definitely coached men
as well but I love the aspect of empowering yourself and I love what I do
every single day and I hope it shows in the videos I think it does because you
guys love them and I love that you love them but I have some new apparel that I
am going to be rolling out and the piece is 100% army they're simple classic
empowering self love and I'm so excited for you guys to see them so you actually
can get them at teespring and the link is down below so you'll be
able to see below this video the different types of apparel that I have
right now to offer and there's definitely more that are gonna be coming
so you can check that out in the next month you'll also be able to purchase
these pieces on my website as well which that link is down below so I just wanted
to give you a little update on what's happening with Stephanie land life
coaching but let's get into this week's video because I could ramble all day
long about this stuff so this week I wanted to talk about forgiveness I don't
even think that people realize that what they need to really be happy and to like
let themselves set themselves free from their past relationships is forgiveness
and so I definitely want to go over forgiveness in this video and give you
some tips on how you can kind of start to let go of the past and start
practicing forgiveness so for me I always like to start at the beginning so
I like to understand why people struggle with forgiveness and there's two reasons
why I think people struggle with forgiveness number one I think that
we've just been programmed from our society from our parents from the people
that are around us to think that forgiveness is something that it's not
and you won't really accept this and understand it until you start
learning how to love yourself forgiveness is not something that you do
for the other person it's not something that you do to let that person off the
hook and if you have that belief that is strictly your ego talking so we're not
forgiving someone else because we're saying that what they did was okay
we're not forgiving someone else so we can let them off the hog so they can
feel better about themselves because anyone that did you wrong they really
don't need your forgiveness in order for them to heal themselves what they have
to do is forgive themselves and deal with themselves so a lot of times when
someone will hurt you betray you whatever and they want forgiveness they
like you know I need you to forgive me what they're really saying is I need to
learn how to forgive myself because even if you do forgive them even if you say I
really do forgive you they still are sitting in shame and guilt and shame and
guilt if you're sitting in that no one else can take that shame and guilt away
from you that's something that's within yourself that's something that you have
to heal yourself so forgiveness because we because we've been programmed to
think forgiveness is something that it's not our ego gets in the way and says I
don't want to forgive you I don't want to forgive you because you did me wrong
when really when you're forgiving all that really means is you're just letting
go you're letting go of the story you're letting go of the past you're letting go
of that situation it doesn't mean that you're not hurt it doesn't mean that you
don't feel it doesn't mean that you know you don't need to do some things in
order to move past the betrayal and move past the abandonment it doesn't mean
that you just push all of that aside and I'll get into that a little bit later on
but forgiveness is something that you're giving yourself so you can free yourself
of the situation and something that I always like to say is when you forgive
what you're really doing is you're not repeating the same painful experience
over and over again the fact of the matter is whatever has happened to you
it happened in the past it's no longer in this moment with you right now
so anything is is in your mind and you're reliving
that story and you're thinking about what this person did to you and how it
affected you all of that whether you want to believe this or not whether it's
in it's not easy stuff to do is for human beings and we've been programmed
to be a certain way but the reality is is that you're bringing your past into
your present and in order to really move on and forgive you have to start letting
go and letting go and forgiveness like I said it is a practice it's not something
that we can always just do and snap our fingers you know maybe some people can
but others it's a real struggle you have to program yourself to look at this
situation in this frame of mind and this isn't wishful thinking this is a
positive hippie vibes or anything like that this is you making yourself a
priority this is you giving yourself happiness the next reason why I believe
people struggle with forgiveness is because they don't allow themselves to
grieve they don't know how to process what has happened to them and a lot of
people don't know how to do this because they're not in touch with what they
think how they feel what their emotions are and even if they are they might feel
a feeling and they get so nervous and scared cuz they don't know what to do
with that feeling they don't know how to heal from it so they might go to therapy
and they might vent to a friend and they might complain for a bit about what
someone did to them and then they kind of get caught up in this cycle of either
venting and complaining you know and going to therapy but they're not really
getting what they need out of it no matter what someone did to you they are
on their own journey their own path and just because someone did something to
hurt you it doesn't mean that you have to keep them in your life and if you do
have to have them in your life in some way shape or form whether it's a family
member or somebody have to co-parent with or what-have-you this is your
opportunity to grow this is your spiritual practice in order for you to
rise up and learn how to be a self loving adult and having to interact with
someone who is not healthy that is a part of life sometimes
you know there are plenty of teams that I get from people that say you know I'm
dealing with this narcissist I'm dealing with this abusive person I'm dealing
with this father that emotionally abused abused me and is emotionally unavailable
and can give me nothing and it's so hurtful
we have to have contact with people that are unhealthy that have their own wounds
going on and they don't want to take accountability or responsibility for
them they don't want to heal they don't want to evolve they don't have a
spiritual practice they don't they're not self loving we have to deal with
other people stop just like we have our own wounds to that we're dealing with
that at times we're not perfect that we're projecting onto people etc the
point is is that forgiveness if you don't know how to go through the process
of letting go and and understanding what you need to go through when you're
forgiving you're going to stay stuck you're gonna stay stuck and blame you're
gonna let your ego run the show and keep you from or preventing you from healing
and moving forward and like I said the first step in forgiveness is grieving so
one of the things with grieving that most people get very nervous with and
scared with is they don't want to feel grief they don't want to feel sadness
they don't want to feel a letdown so sadness and and that emotion it's really
the same emotion as happiness so there's no difference between being sad and
being happy they both have to happen in life so life is not rainbows and
sunshine I mean we have things like death we have things like loss we have
things like betrayal we have things like you know suffering that is a part of
life that is part of the human experience just like joy and peace and
happiness and those are a part of the human experience as well so you can't
have light without dark you can't have happy without sad I mean that's you
can't have peanut butter without jelly you know how far you want me to go but
the point is is that when you accept that sadness and grieving is a part of
the process that you don't fear it because you know just like with
happiness just like with peace just like with joy and contentment it's not always
here to stay right like things gonna happen in life that are gonna
cause you to be sad you know when your dog of 15 years passes away you're going
to feel sad that's a natural part of the human experiences to feel those emotions
because we're emotional being so when we fear grief we just fear the emotion of
what we're feeling right no one wants to feel sadness no one wants to feel
unhappy but if you just sit with it for a minute and let yourself experience it
and let yourself know that it's okay to feel that way that it's perfectly normal
to feel that way and not judging yourself for feeling that way you move
through the feeling and you don't suppress the feeling so the next thing
is forgiveness is something that is a thousand percent healthy for you when we
hang on to the story that we want to keep telling ourselves or keep telling
whoever wants to listen on why someone did what they did and why they're a
shitty person and why they're so messed up and I can't believe they did that
what a jerk well when you want to keep that story
going that keeps that negative story that bitterness that anger that keeps
that stuck inside of you and you can never truly be free and authentically
happy when you keep that in now you might need to release frustration
release the you know fact that you had an expectation on who you thought this
person was and they're not that person you need to let that out you need to
work through that you need to parent yourself through that you need to not
judge whatever it is that's that's coming up for you that's a big part of
self-acceptance and self-love and and healthy moving through your thoughts and
feelings and not staying stuck in something for too long is not judging
what you're thinking and allowing yourself to feel what you want to feel
because the minute you feel it the minute you validate it what do you feel
you feel release you feel free you feel content because you're not judging and
suppressing and keeping it all stuck inside you're kind of letting it out and
then what are you doing you're giving you're giving yourself the good stuff
you're learning how to parent yourself you're learning how to have that that
self dialog so it is absolutely healthy and necessary for you to forgive and
practice forgiveness with the people that that you need to forgive the people
that you're holding on to the story that's no longer serving you and one of
the things for me that really helped me was when I had situations where you know
I really wanted to forgive someone and it took time it took practice it wasn't
something that I did overnight but the more I kept understanding why someone
why they did what they did why they were who they were and the fact that they
were just a wounded child that's like really hurting inside but when I really
saw this person for who they were it allowed me to have sympathy and
compassion for what it is that they're obviously internally struggling with
really struggling with for them to cause hurt because hurt people hurt people so
when I kind of got that it allowed me to let the wall down of that ego that wants
to say well you did me wrong well you did this and you need to suffer and I'm
gonna make you pay that all kind of went away because I realized just like I was
hurting and I had wounds and I had stuff going on so did this person as well now
that doesn't mean that we have so much empathy and compassion for what someone
else is going through that we let this person in our life or we let abuse
continue to happen or you know we they're off the hook and
we can just brush that situation under the rug know some people are not meant
to be in your existence some people are not good for you because they won't help
get you to the next level in your evolution right so we can the reason why
someone can't come with you that we can forgive you but you still need to stay
over there is because that person is not aware as to what's going on inside of
them and if you're not aware of what your part your issues are your wounds
are what's going on you're gonna constantly be hurting other people
you're gonna constantly be projecting your stuff onto other people and if
you're a self-aware person and you see what's going on and this other person
doesn't want to take any accountability or responsibility then that relationship
can't work and when people ask me you know can a relationship work with
someone who's narcissistic I mean it can but that means that you have to put a
lot of blinders on to a lot of things and if you're evolving and you're
continuing on.this the spiritual practice and you're learning how to love
yourself I highly doubt that that relationships gonna work cuz you're
gonna hit a point we're gonna say I can't do this anymore because you're
rising up and someone's just staying where they are and you're no longer
energetically compatible now in terms of romantic love if someone has hurt you in
a past relationship you know someone left you someone abandoned you someone
cheated on you had an affair betrayed you whatever it is right lied you stole
money if someone in a past relationship did
that and you haven't really healed you haven't really forgiven that person for
giving yourself and really started working on yourself you are going to
bring that wound you're going to bring that unforgiveness into your next
relationship it's just inevitable because that is a part of your story
that is a part of who you are you're bringing that energy into this next
relationship you're going to project onto this next partner you're going to
be you know afraid of getting in a relationship with someone you're gonna
be afraid of being vulnerable and real with someone and letting them see the
real you because you're afraid that what happened to you before is gonna happen
to you again but when you forgive someone and you forgive yourself and you
work on yourself and you learn how to be vulnerable and you know how to love
yourself then you have evolved past that situation and now you come into any new
relationship as a whole and healthy person and the last thing that I really
really really want to stress with forgiveness is forgiveness is a practice
in order to practice something you have to be aware of what it is right so if
we're trying to change something in ourselves no matter what it is I have it
a belief a thought you have to first acknowledge that it's happening but
practicing forgiveness is really just you when the thought comes up when you
want to pick up that phone and vent when you want to judge yourself and not allow
yourself to really feel what you're feeling that's you not practicing
forgiveness so if I can offer anything to you in this video it's be very very
patient with yourself but make forgiveness
something that you want to do it's a practice your own you were going to
start doing so I hope that you have enjoyed this video if you did please
give it a thumbs up don't forget to comment down below
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down below and I will see you next week