hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about 10 things nice
guys always do wrong now let's begin number 1 reciprocal investment you shouldn't be the
only one investing in your relationships this happens to nice guys all the time they dedicate
too much time and way too much effort while their friends don't do much of anything but instead of
saying something nice guys let their friends get away with it the truth is this lopsided
relationship isn't doing anyone any favors and it definitely doesn't build stronger bonds you
see you need mutual investment to create trust every relationship should be a two-way street
not just one person doing all the work now most of the time nice guys realize that something's
wrong they know their relationship isn't fair but they just don't do anything about it they
act like it's ok to inconvenience themselves as long as it doesn't affect their friends on
the surface it seems like they're doing the right thing but deep down they're actually damaging the
relationship you need your friends and partners to invest otherwise they won't care as much as
you do and if they don't care the relationship is going to have a hard time surviving down the road
number 2 immediate forgiveness leniency can be a great quality it's one of the most important
parts of a strong relationship but not everything can be forgiven especially not right away nice
guys make a habit of forgiving their friends and partners without a second thought whenever they do
something wrong nice guys welcome them back with open arms just imagine your friend ditches you
over and over again they keep making commitments to you but they never follow through anyone would
get frustrated right but someone who's too nice won't hold them accountable for their mistakes
they'd forgive and forget no matter how many times their friend leaves them out to dry so why
shouldn't you immediately forgive your friends the simple fact is it's bad for the relationship your
forgiveness creates a toxic dynamic it tells the other person that they can go ahead and get away
with anything no matter what they do you'll always forgive them this is one of the biggest reasons
why nice guys are taken advantage of so often your friends don't think there are any consequences so
they do whatever they want they lose respect for you as an individual with feelings and boundaries
so don't instantly forgive them don't pretend like the people in your life never do anything
wrong hey it's important to trust them and you should give them the benefit of the doubt when
it matters but you have to take your own feelings into account too your thoughts and emotions are
just as important as anyone elses so don't forgive someone because you feel like you have to this is
another big problem for people who are too nice they forgive on the outside without forgiving on
the inside in other words you may not be mentally and emotionally ready to let it go hey it's okay
to be mad it's okay to take your time and think things through nice guys pretend these negative
feelings just don't exist but that denial just creates problems later on so even if you have the
best intentions it's never a good idea to sweep your issues under the table instead confront your
feelings in the moment and that way when someone says hey I'm sorry you really can forgive them
number three the paradox of availability here's a trap that almost every single nice guy falls into
at some point okay let's say you just started up a new relationship you're obviously excited about
it right and you want to spend more time with your partner so every time they text you you
immediately message back every time they want to hang out your schedule is always wide open making
yourself available seems like a nice gesture right well who'd want to be in a relationship
with someone who's busy all the time but being too available hurts way more than it helps you're not
going to offend your partner by making other plans and sticking to them if anything you're
relieving some of the pressure no one should feel like they're the only thing happening in
your life too much availability also creates unfair compromises if you're always changing
your schedule to fit your partners they're going to lose respect for your personal boundaries
because you're not setting any your partner will think your life is open for the taking so don't
be available all the time every once in a while just tell your friends that you have plans or
reschedule for a later date hey it's okay to have a life so let other people know you're living it
number for creating skepticism kindness doesn't always make people trust you sometimes it makes
people think you're up to something when you're too nice people assume you have some kind of
hidden agenda they think you're only being nice to manipulate the people around you hey you know
that's not what you're doing but people are still going to be suspicious and that's why it's always
better to share your real opinions don't just tell people what they want to hear if you're faithful
to your own feelings they won't have anything to be skeptical about number five overflowing
resentment when you're too nice it's only a matter of time until you get frustrated you want your
friends and partners to be as selfless as you are but that rarely ever happens so each time they
let you down you get a little more resentful it's manageable at first you can ignore those negative
feelings by stuffing them down but eventually it'll get too strong and the relationship is
going to suffer because of it so how do you stop that resentment from building in the first place
well you need to lower your expectations and not just of your friends but of yourself because
that's where your disappointment comes from you have these crazy high expectations that
no one could possibly live up to but if you take a more realistic approach to your relationship
you won't have anything to feel frustrated about number six constantly apologizing everything is
not your fault but nice guys act like it is they can't stop saying sorry for every little thing
they make it seem like they're constantly hurting their friends or partner just by being themselves
but they don't realize how this bad habit is affecting their relationships for starters it
shows your partner that you aren't confident in the things that you do or say it means you don't
have the courage to believe in yourself and to make matters worse it invalidates your actual
apologies when you really do make a mistake an apology just won't feel like enough you've already
said I'm sorry a million times and after a while those words start to lose their meaning so instead
of apologizing work on feeling confident in your actions because chances are you have nothing
to be sorry for number seven shallow bonds nice guys have trouble making deeper connections with
people but not for a lack of trying the problem is their kindness stops them from telling people
how they really feel you need to express your true feelings before someone can feel closer to
you people get scared of disagreeing with their friends but disagreements are healthy it gives
you the chance to find a genuine compromise and overcome obstacles as a team so don't hide your
feelings just to appease the people in your life all its gonna do is slow down your relationship
number eight ignoring yourself people who are too nice forget to prioritize themselves paying
attention to others is great but sometimes your needs should come first nice guys make
this mistake on a daily basis they spend so much time worrying about their friends that they miss
opportunities to make themselves happy so don't hesitate to focus on your own needs
it's important to help people but you won't get anywhere in life if you can't help yourself too
number nine rapid burnout nice guys do most of the heavy lifting in their relationships because
they think they have to they're just trying to help their friends as much as possible even if
it means sacrificing all of their time and energy no relationship should feel completely exhausting
but that's what happens to people who are too nice that's why nice guys experience something
called rapid burnout they get sick of their friends and partners way faster than normal
and it's usually their own fault lots of nice guys are so focused on preserving their relationship
that they forget to enjoy it luckily reducing the risk of burnout is pretty easy just slow things
down let your relationship move at its own pace not everything needs to be so serious or set in
stone it's okay for things to be simple and fun so just focus on enjoying yourself if you can do
that burnout will be a thing of the past number 10 fear of saying no in general no is a healthy
word in relationships it shouldn't be something you say all the time but you shouldn't be afraid
to use it nice guys say yes to everything even when they don't want to and it almost
comes back to bite them forcing yourself to say yes creates resentment and frustration it makes
you feel like you're being taken advantage of now on the other hand saying no generates a
new level of respect it tells people you have limits and encourages them to value your time
and energy so go ahead tell people no and get the respect you deserve hey thank you
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