Q: All right, Dad. Here we go.
You deal with these focus-group things before or no?
No, it's my first time.
Oh, yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
I come here. You know, I write sometimes.
You know, I just bring my...
Oh, wait a minute.
I accidentally grabbed my daughter's backpack,
and I just realized it at this moment.
Smooth. He's in.
It's her journal.
I mean, I should take a peek at her journal, right?
As a dad, to check in. No?
She will kill you. Yeah, she'll kill me, you think?
[ Laughter ]
I should read one, right?
Maybe one. Let's read one.
Q: Here we go, buddy. Let's take a look.
"Dear Diary, Dad is such a loser."
[ Laughter ]
I waste no time.
"He's 44 and trying to become a TikTok star."
[ Laughter ]
"It's so embarrassing. And if he tries to get Dana
to teach him how to twerk one more time,
I'm gonna lose my [bleep]" -[ Laughing ] Twerk?
I really didn't even know it. She turned me on to it.
And you ain't doing nothing if you ain't twerking, so...
[ Laughter ]
I should try one more maybe I don't...
Try one more? One more.
Yeah, one more, one more. Okay. We're in.
Sal: All right, buddy. Page 4.
"Dear Diary...
Todd tried to give me another wet willy in the schoolyard,
but this time I grabbed him by the throat
and strangled him until he passed out,
just like Dad showed me."
[ Laughter ]
Well, that's two. I mean, we can't leave it
at an even number, right? We got to read one more.
All right. One more.
One more, one more. You're in.
How about page 13, buddy?
Okay. "Dear Diary, I hate the family swear jar.
Dad says the money is for my college,
but I know he uses it for boys' night out.
There ain't no swear jar here,
so [bleep] that fat, stupid-ass [bleep] mouse [bleep]"
[ Laughter ]
See if you can get her to read it.
Just be like, "Did I read that right?"
Did I read that right? Could you read that for me?
Just that bottom sentence there.
"[Bleep] that fat, stupid-ass [bleep] mouse [bleep]"
[ Laughter ]
You should tell her she has to put $4 in for the swear jar.
That's right. That's $4 right there. She owes us $4.
Joe, I'll give you 100 bucks
if you'll twerk out of the room right now.
And I am not kidding. If you twerk your way out of the room,
there's a fresh $100 back here.
Hey, Cole. Could you just announce to the room,
"Okay, who's ready to get to 'twerk'?"
Who's ready to get to "twerk"?
Hey!
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
I made a cool hundo.
I said, "Twerk out of the room." Keep twerking.
[ Laughter ]
Look!
[Bleep] hell yeah. He's twerking.
You're twerking? Like, you look like you [bleep] your pants.
Twerk it out the room.
[ Laughter ] [ Ding! ]
Murr: Here we go, Q.
Q: Let me ask you your opinion on something.
I actually snagged my daughter's backpack today.
Okay. So in it, I found her diary.
Sal: Here we go.
Now, as a parent, do I peek?
Ooh. She might not even let you open it.
If you just want to make sure everything's okay...
That's it's. Just, like, an overview.
Just don't let her know.
Oh! She gave permission. All right, Q.
Page 2, buddy.
"Dear Diary. Dad came into my room.
He plunged his meaty paw into the --" That's what we call it.
"Into the fish tank, pulled out one of my fish,
and ate it just to make my boyfriend laugh."
He's a pimp. "Then my boyfriend jumped out of bed
and ate a fish just to make my dad laugh.
Then two of them went back and forth
until we ate all the fish." And then she says,
"Worst Valentine's Day ever."
[ Laughter ]
I love that kid.
He was downing goldfish like he was going into college.
And you're okay with her dating this crazy boy?
Well, I was the one that got the pufferfish stuck in my throat.
It went "Bff," like that. [ Laughter ]
I mean, this sounds like normal stuff to you, right? [ Cellphone buzzes ]
Oh, oh, she's taking a phone call.
[ Laughter, clapping ]
Oh, no.
Did he throw out the eggs?
[ Laughter ]
My son has a mini fridge. I'll bring it in.
Okay. [ Laughter ]
Look at Q! Q can't even look at her.
[ Laughter ]
Is everything okay?
I should probably read one more that I wasn't there, right,
just to make sure everything's, like, okay.
Well, you could put it away.
[ Laughter ]
After all that.
After all that song and dance.
You think I should shut it down?
Put it away and never tell her.
-Ah! Yes! -Ah!
[ Buzzer ] Joe: Oh, yes.