- Bernie Sanders.
He's become famous as the guy fighting against
the millionaires and billionaires.
("Dog on Fire")
- Hi, I'm Bernie Sanders, I'm running for president.
Our campaign is about taking on
the powerful special interests
that dominate our economic and political life.
I'm talkin' about wall street,
the health insurance companies,
the drug companies, the fossil fuel industry,
the military industrial complex,
the private prison industry,
and the large multinational corporations.
- Oh, damn.
(audience laughs)
Yo, Bernie has entered the race.
And did you hear his list of enemies?
This guy doesn't mess around.
He didn't come to play, he was like big banks,
little banks, Tyra Banks, I'm shutting you all down.
You're all going down.
And you can tell that Bernie's serious about winning
because he didn't rub his hair with a balloon
before filming this video.
(audience laughs) He's serious now, he's in it.
No balloon this time.
(audience laughs) We're going smooth.
Now, if Bernie were to win the presidency
he would become the oldest American president ever.
Yes, and I mean that literally.
He was born a few months before George Washington.
But don't let Bernie's age fool you.
This guy is as feisty as ever.
Just look at how he responded to Howard Schultz
threatening the Democratic Party.
- Howard Schultz has now said
he would not run as an independent
if the Democrats nominate a moderate.
- Oh, isn't that nice.
Why is Howard Schultz on every television station
in this country?
Why are you quoting Howard Schultz?
Because he's a billionaire.
- Yo, I've missed Bernie so much, are you kidding me.
That was, oh, isn't that nice, oh ho ho ho.
Isn't that nice!
Because every other politician would respond to that answer
in like a politiciany way.
They'd be like, well I believe Howard Schultz
entering the race would be irresponsible at this time.
Bernie's just like, Howard Schultz
can run for president of my ass.
(audience laughs and applauds)
Bernie Sanders, senator of Vermont
and man who knows the ducks in the park by name.
(audience laughs)
You see, it turns out 30 years ago
when Bernie Sanders was the mayor of Burlington, Vermont
he hosted a public access TV show, yeah.
And a few days ago that TV network
released the full archives online,
and I'm talking hours and hours of pure Bernie gold.
Like, there's so much gold in these archives
Bernie's gonna demand
it gets redistributed the working class,
that's how much gold there is.
And when you start watching this footage
the first thing that's really apparent
is how consistent Bernie has been throughout his life.
- We have a crisis situation.
We are one of two nations in the industrialized world
that does not have a national healthcare system.
The wealthiest people in our country are becoming wealthier.
To a large degree the tax system
in this country is extremely unfair
in that it asks working people
and elderly people and poor people to pay too much
while large corporations and wealthy people
do not pay their fair share.
- God damn, Bernie Sanders, he's never changed.
And I'm not talking about his platform,
the dude looked exactly the same back then as he does today.
You realize he's 46 years old in that photo.
I'm not joking, he's 46 years old, he looks the same.
Like if you traveled back in time in a time machine
and the first person you met was Bernie Sanders
you'd be like, ah, this piece of shit doesn't work.
(audience laughs)
Bernie'd be like, no my friend,
what doesn't work is our healthcare system.
(audience laughs)
Like, I wonder, has Bernie just looked like this
his entire life?
Yeah, I bet when he was born the doctor was like,
congratulations, Mrs. Sanders,
it's a beautiful, healthy old man, well done.
(audience laughs and applauds)
And then instead of spanking Bernie
the doctor just shook his hand,
welcome to the world, Mr. Sanders, welcome to the world.
(audience laughs)
And although it's impressive
that Bernie's been consistent in his policies
it really says more about America than it says about Bernie
when you think about it, right.
He's saying the same thing for 30 years
because America has had the same problems for 30 years.
But here's what makes this old TV show so amazing, right,
it wasn't just about Bernie's policies,
it was like a full TV show with different segments
and by far, by far the best segment of all
are the ones where he interacted with kids, all right,
like this segment where he talks to some kids
at camp about drugs.
- Who knows about cocaine, anyone ever seen cocaine?
- Yes. - No.
- Hold it, one at a time, what about cocaine,
good thing, bad thing?
What about even smoking cigarettes, who here smokes?
Come here, come on, raise your hand.
Other than your parents, who smokes.
I've seen a lot of kids who are 12 and 11 smoking.
- I don't smoke. - All right.
- I don't smoke 'cause I'm a little kid,
I'm only five years old.
(audience laughs and applauds)
- Oh man, that's so adorable.
I don't smoke because I'm five years old.
Like, it's almost like Bernie
can't tell the difference between kids and adults.
He's like, let's talk finance, you guys diversified?
Who's got a 401k, who, who has a 401k?
Who talks about cocaine with five year olds?
(audience laughs)
Like, the way he was asking the question
made it seem less like an anti drugs talk
and more like he was trying to score some blow.
He's just like, you guys know about cocaine?
You know where I can find it at a good price?
Come on, this is Vermont, let's his the slopes.
Come on, come on.
(audience laughs)
And on the show Bernie didn't just talk to kids
about hard drugs.
He also called them out on their BS.
- Hold it, let me ask you a question, what is your name?
- George. - All right, George,
do you think it's important
that you know how to read well and write?
- No. - Oh, you think not?
Oh really? I'm trying to argue with these kids,
they think they're very smart
and that school is not important.
- Yeah. - That right?
Well I disagree with you.
All right, I think you're dumb.
(audience laughs and applauds)
- Oh man, oh wow.
Yo, I think this kid's
about to get his ass kicked by Bernie Sanders.
(audience laughs and applauds)
And there'd be no coming back from that,
if Bernie kicked your ass
you have to move to a different state.
And even then you know there'd be one guy who'd be like,
hey, didn't you get your ass beat by that 90 year old?
Be like, he was only 46, I swear!
But by far, by far, my favorite clip of all that we found
is when a little girl asks mayor Bernie
to build an amusement park in her neighborhood
and all of a sudden he turns it into a town hall.
- I was just wondering,
my mother had this idea
for an indoor outdoor amusement park.
- First thing that we have to do though
before we can do something like that
is to make sure that we own the land.
Now that's one of the concerns that we have.
At the present moment we don't own a lot of the land
downtown, it's owned by the railroad.
And one of the things that we're trying to do now
is to figure out which land we should buy
and how much we should pay for it.
So we're working on that
but I think your mother's idea is a very good idea.
And I congratulate you for giving her all these great ideas.
- Okay, well I better get going.
(audience laughs and applauds)
- Yes!
Oh, yes!
That little girl is my hero.
'Cause she was asking a fun question
and Bernie turned it into like a Ted Talk about zoning laws
and you could tell she was totally over it.
Oh man, that was so crazy.
You know what's also crazy,
is that that little girl grew up to be Hillary Clinton.
I don't know if it was CNN
or if it was the formats of the night
but Bernie Sanders in particular,
he seemed ready to throw down.
- Jake, your question is a republican talking point.
- [Jake] What do you say to congressman Delaney?
- You're wrong.
(audience laughs and applauds)
- I've done the math, it doesn't add up.
- Maybe you did that and made money off of healthcare
but our job is to run a nonprofit healthcare system.
- If we're gonna force Americans
to make these radical changes they're not gonna go along,
and you, throw your hands up. - All right.
(audience laughs and applauds) - You don't know that Bernie.
- I do know it, I wrote the damn bill.
(audience laughs and applauds)
- Damn!
Bernie was not messing around tonight, huh?
Yeah, I thought he was gonna send someone to the hospital
and then pay their entire bill, he was, woo.
The big drama leading up to tonight was the growing tension
between America's socialist sweethearts
Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.
It started when Bernie's campaign started saying
that Warren only attracts rich and well educated voters.
And in response Elizabeth Warren hit back
and now it is full on beef.
- [Reporter] Gloves off, Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders
trade accusations ahead of the Democrats final debate
before voting in Iowa begins.
- [Reporter] That non aggression pact
between the parties two progressives
certainly appears to be over.
- [Reporter] The campaigns now duking it out
over a private conversation in 2018
when Sanders allegedly told Warren, a woman can't win.
Sanders denies the claims,
calling the idea that he would say
a woman couldn't win ludicrous.
- [Reporter] But then Warren contradicted him publicly.
I thought a woman could win, she said, he disagreed.
- The beef between Bernie and Warren
must feel like seeing your parents getting divorced,
you know, which is a situation
that Bernie is too blunt to handle delicately.
Can you imagine him?
It'd be like, daddy, is it my fault
that you and mommy don't love each other anymore?
He's like, well, were happy and then we had you.
You do the math.
(audience laughs)
- One time allies Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren,
the two senators, their working through some issues.
They had this moment after the debate
where Senator Warren left Bernie Sanders hanging
as he tried to shake her hand.
That was followed by a brief but noticeably tense exchange.
Tom Steyer there. - Caught in the middle.
- [John] Deciding, I'm not gonna get
in the middle of all this right now.
- Wow.
This beef between Bernie and Warren is really heating up.
And you know what that means,
trial by combat!
(audience laughs)
That's how they do it in Iowa, baby!
The New York Times.
It's the country's most trusted paper
and where America turns for news
until they run out of free articles.
The paper's editorial board
brought in each candidate for lengthy interviews
which they then released to the public.
It was great because we got to learn
a little bit more about all of the candidates.
For instance, we learned
that if you're having a surprise birthday party
don't get Bernie to plan it.
- What are you likely to fail at or do poorly as president?
- Look, I don't tolerate bullshit terribly well.
And I come from a different background
than a lot of other people who run the country.
I'm not good at back slapping, I'm not good at pleasantries.
If you have your birthday
I'm not gonna call you up to congratulate you
so you love me and you write nice things about me.
That's not what I do, never have.
And I take as that as really
a bit of criticism, self criticism.
I've been amazed at how many people respond to,
happy birthday, oh, Bernie, thanks so much for calling.
It works, it's just not my style.
(audience laughs)
- God damn, Bernie Sanders does not mess around.
The question was, what would you be bad at as president
and his answer somehow became (bleep) birthdays.
(audience laughs) I feel like Bernie should just start
his own line of Hallmark cards
and it's just a white piece of paper that says, whatever.
(audience laughs)
It's almost as if, you know what it is,
it's almost starting to feel
like Larry David impersonated him on SNL
so now Bernies is impersonating Larry
in real life, you know?
He's just like, and why are we doin' this, huh?
Why are we still blowing out candles?
You know what my wish is?
To eat a slice of cake without your spit on it,
how about that, how about that, huh?
- [Jaboukie] For years grumpy old white dudes
have been telling us that socialism is total bullshit.
- Socialism leads to decline and ruin.
- This system crushes souls.
- But as the Daily Show's
new senior youth correspondent.
(audience cheers and applauds)
I know that millennials right now
think socialism is totally on trend.
If there were only someone we could talk to.
Someone with some deep experience on the subject.
When I started doing this sort of piece on socialism
I knew that there was really only one politician
I could talk to about it.
So I guess my question is, do you know AOC
and what's her availability like,
if you could put us in touch maybe?
- You wanna speak to her?
- Yeah, maybe, I just figured, you know.
(laughs)
- [Jaboukie] Seriously, you can't talk socialism in America
without going to the OG Senator Bernie Sanders.
- I believe in a society where all people do well,
not just a handful of billionaires.
- Could he be the oldest millennial in America?
I know that capitalism has given us
a bunch or really dope things, right, iPhones, cars,
hamburgers, the Avengers movies, the opioid crisis.
So why are young people like myself very open to socialism?
- Your generation, the younger generation
will in all likelihood have a lower standard of living
than your parents.
Your generation is leaving school more deeply in debt,
having a much harder time finding affordable housing.
The jobs that you get will pay less
so the idea of creating a society with more egalitarianism
I think is very appealing to young people.
- Okay, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Yeah, yeah, I feel the burn.
(audience laughs)
- This is strange to be in a position where
in 2016 you were the insurgent candidate, you know,
you were leading a political revolution
but now you're entering the race as a front runner.
Does that feel different for you,
are you gonna do things differently this time around?
- It does feel differently.
And what's happened is that four years ago, Trevor,
the ideas that we talked about,
the idea that healthcare is a human right not a privilege.
(audience cheers and applauds)
Four years ago that was perceived
as a radical idea, not anymore.
The idea that if you work 40 hours a week in this country
you should make at least 15 bucks an hour
and not live in poverty.
(audience cheers and applauds)
Not a radical idea anymore.
- So then you're done, why run.
(Bernie laughs)
- One little problem, we have to take on
an incredibly powerful establishment that to a large degree
controls the economic and political life of this country.
And when we talk about, you know,
the mantra of our campaign is, not me, us.
And the reason for that is to take on Wall Street,
to take on the greed of the pharmaceutical industry,
and the insurance companies,
and if you wanna save the planet
you're gonna have to take on the fossil fuel industry.
And that means millions of people
are gonna have to stand up and fight back
in a way that we have never done before
and that's what this campaign is about.
- You have been proud to say, yes, I believe
that we need to adjust how people earn money in this country
and how people are taxed. - Yes.
- Trump has now used this as slur against you,
calling you a socialist, you know, saying that it means
we're gonna all have to drive battery cars
and share one road.
But what does it mean to you?
- Good question, thank you for asking me.
It means that economic rights are human rights.
I believe from the bottom of my heart
that healthcare is a human right.
I believe that in the richest country
in the history of the world
we should not have a tax system which allows Amazon,
owned by the wealthiest guy in the world,
to pay zero in federal taxes last year
after making 11 billion dollars in profits, that is insane.
To be a democratic socialist means
that we believe, I believe, that human rights
include a decent job, affordable housing,
healthcare, education, and by the way, a clean environment.
It means that we cannot allow our kids to grow up
in an environment which is increasingly
unhealthy and uninhabitable.
We have got to take on the fossil fuel industry,
move to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.
That's what it means. (audience cheers and applauds)
("Dog on Fire")