So you've been trying to get pregnant for six months and all that keeps happening is
negative pregnancy tests. If just have fun and keep trying hasn't been the answer to
your fertility journey, then you've come to the right place. So let's get started with
today's video. My name is Dr. Marc Sklar, also known as The Fertility Expert and welcome
to Fertility TV, your YouTube channel dedicated to helping you get pregnant. I've been working
with couples for over 18 years through my online programs and right here in sunny, San
Diego at both of my clinics, and I've seen it all, which is why I created this channel
to help you get pregnant faster. Oh, but before we jump into this week's topic,
I just want to let you all know that my Hope Fertility Coaching Program is open for enrollment.
And if you want more support on your fertility journey, you've been trying for six months
or more, and you need a little bit more guidance and customization to your fertility plan,
then I want to invite you to apply, to join all the other women and couples who have joined
me and my team in my Hope Fertility Coaching Program. All you have to do is use the link
in the description below to apply. Okay, so if you've been trying for six months
or a little bit more and things haven't been working out the way you had planned, then
the place I want you to start is actually with last week's video. So last week's video
is about all the things that you should be doing to support your body preconception before
you start trying. And there's tons of valuable information there, and that's where I want
you to get started. So I want you to check out this video right here, which is last week's
video before you watch this one, and then you'll come back to this one.
Okay. So for those who've already watched last week's video, or you just watched it
and just came back, let's get in to the details of this video. Okay. So step number one or
point number one is I want you and your partner to be on the same page. I want you guys to
have a meaningful conversation about some key points that will invariably come up on
your fertility journey. So the first one is timing. That's right,
timing. Well, what do you mean about timing? Well all sorts of things is what I mean about
timing. The first thing that I want to point out when it comes to timing is how frequently
should you be having intercourse, and how is that going to happen in the given time
of a week or a month's frame? So first and foremost, when you are in your fertility window,
timing is really key. We want to make sure that we're having regular intercourse around
ovulation, which means before, during and after, and making sure that it's not too much
or too little. So what's not too much, and what's not too little? The key sweet spot
for having intercourse in a given fertile window is every other day. So if you ovulate
on day 14, then we want to start on day 9 or 10, and we're going to go every other day
through day 16. So for about a week, you're going to have intercourse every other day.
I know for some of you that could be really exciting because you can be having a lot of
intercourse. And for others, it can be a little bit daunting. Like, oh my God, we have to
have sex that many times in a given week. Well, so timing doesn't mean that one person
has to initiate each one of those. Okay, timing means that we're both going to take responsibility
for the frequency of intercourse. That's right. So maybe the choice that you're going to have,
and the conversation that you're going to have in your household is, well, I'll initiate
the first time. Then you initiate the second time and so forth and you guys go back and
forth. Maybe the conversation is, is I initiate the first half of the week. You initiate the
second half of the week and whoever initiates intercourse, the other person can't say no.
That's an important rule here. We know that you both are on the same page.
And if you both are on the same page and want to have children, that means that you both
have to do your part. And that means you both have to step up to the plate when it's time,
when ovulation is happening and it's time to conceive. And so we all have to do our
part. Yes, that can be exhausting and also difficult mentally and emotionally. But I
do think some of these tips about switching off, who's going to initiate and who's not,
is also going to help that situation. The other part of timing is time of day. I
know that for many of you, some of you would prefer to have intercourse, you're more aroused
in the morning. And some of you are more aroused in the afternoon or evening. Some of you need
different environments, making it exciting. I want you both to have those conversations.
I understand they're not always easy conversations because we make ourselves vulnerable, but
for the health of your relationship and the ease of trying to conceive, I think it's a
really important thing that often does not get discussed or brought up until there's
a lot of frustration and difficulty around it. So make it easier for yourself. Start
that conversation now. The other part of timing is what are you both
comfortable with? How long are you both comfortable trying naturally before you seek out help
and assistance? What does that help look like? What are you both comfortable in terms of
who are you comfortable talking to? Who are you comfortable seeking out assistance from?
OB-GYN, natural fertility coaches like myself, fertility doctors who run IVF clinics. What
are you both comfortable with? And who are you comfortable talking to? And in what order
are you comfortable moving through those different individuals or clinics?
And then also around this timing thing, which is not really a timing, but I'm going to group
it into this category is what treatments are you comfortable with? Are you comfortable
just trying naturally? Are you okay doing IVF? Are you okay doing insemination, IUI?
Are you okay with donor of any kind? These are conversations that are really important
to have and really important for you to have before you're put into those situations because
it's more difficult to make those decisions later on when things are more emotional, things
have become more difficult, you're more frustrated and irritable, maybe with each other, maybe
with the process. So I always encourage that you have those conversations before.
In full disclosure, my wife and I had those conversations before. One, because this is
the world I live in and this is what I see. But also I wanted to make sure that we were
both on the same page, that we both understood what each one was comfortable with. How far
were we willing to go? Where did we see this going? And when were we going to make these
changes? So we were fortunate to be able to conceive after six months of trying, but that's
not always the case. And I promise you having these conversations right now are going to
be so much easier to have with each other than when both of you are emotionally charged
in the future. It doesn't mean that your decisions can't change. We all can have differing opinions
and we all are entitled to change our minds. That is an okay thing to do. We get more indication,
we learn more, we learn more about our bodies, we learn more about each other and what we're
comfortable with, and it's okay to start in one place and over time, end up in a different
place. There's nothing wrong with that because you've learned more. But it's important to
know where you are today and have that conversation today, even though you are entitled to change
your mind in the future. The second point that I want to bring up in
this conversation, when we're talking about that you've been trying for six months or
more, the likelihood that the conversation about using medication, doing insemination
or doing IVF is about to come up if it hasn't already in some form or another. And the reason
for that is because this conversation, IVF and IUI has become so commonplace in our culture
and society today. Now I'm not here to say that there's anything
wrong with any one of those therapies. What I am here to say is if you've just been trying
for 6 or 12 months and you haven't really dug a little bit deeper to find answers, then
my feeling and belief is that you've gone in that direction too soon. I see so many
couples go to IUI or IVF prematurely because they just think that's the only next step
in the process. And if you know you've got a preexisting condition, if you've been evaluated
and told this is really the only option that you have, then maybe that is the case. But
even if that is your situation, I'm going to ask you to get a second opinion so that
you can at least see if that is correct. I encourage you to get that second opinion from
someone who has a different perspective on the process.
So if you get your first opinion on that from an OB-GYN or REI, reproductive endocrinologist,
who works in IVF, then maybe you need to speak to someone like myself, who's a natural fertility
expert who can guide you and give you a different perspective on the same situation. That's
important. Okay. That's important. I truly see it all the time. So many of you go and
do IVF or IUI. You do three, four, five cycles, whatever it is. And then you seek out my assistance
or somebody like me for support to see what's going on. When my feeling and true belief
is that that should happen in reverse. Often we move in that direction, but we don't know
why we're having difficulty. We don't understand what the root issues are. And I think at this
stage when you've been trying for 6 months or 12 months, or you're just about to get
started in the fertility world and down that process, I believe that you should start looking
for the root causes of why you're put in this situation and then spend some time addressing
those root issues. And often I see that you will conceive once
you've done that. Or if you do need to go to IUI or IVF, that that process will be more
effective and much easier for you if you've done that preconception work or that root
cause, root treatment on your overall health before you move in that direction. So I want
you all to ask yourself the question of why am I not getting pregnant? And do I truly
understand why? Do I feel like I have all the right answers, listen to your gut, trust
your instincts, believe in yourself and in your body. And then I do think that the right
answers will come to fruition and you'll know which direction to go to.
Number three, create space in your life. Now this might sound silly or easy, but it's neither
one. Okay, often what I hear from all of you is that, well, once I have my baby, once my
family grows, then I will cut back on work. Then I will stop doing X, Y, and Z, whatever
that is. And until then, we just pack in more and more and more. We're just trying to do
so much. Well, I'm just going to do more work now because when I'm pregnant, I won't be
able to do it. I'm going to take on more projects now because when I'm pregnant, I won't be
able to do it. I'm going to go and travel the world and do all of these things now because
I won't be able to do it later. That's just one perspective. And the reality is, is everything
is created in space. The more that we try to constrict things, the less there's an opportunity
to grow something new. So I want you all to take a step back, create
more space, do a little bit less in your life, it's okay to do less if your priority is to
have a child. Now, it doesn't mean putting everything on hold. It means not overwhelming
your body. It says like I'm comfortable on a daily basis or a monthly or yearly basis.
I'm comfortable tackling these things if I space them out right. But as soon as I add
in one or two more things, I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I don't sleep well.
I don't feel well. I'm fatigued. Whatever that answer is for you, whatever that issue
is, you know you're doing too much at that point.
That is the time for you to say I need to do less. I need to create more space to do
less in so that I can create the beautiful baby that I'm looking for. So that's what
I mean by creating space. Don't try to constrict the process, loosen your grip on yourself,
on your life, on your partner, on everything, and have more time to do less and just be.
You're going to start to feel different when you do that.
And number four, swap out your personal care products and your cleaning products, your
makeup, anything that you use on a regular basis and that you're putting onto your body
or in your environment, swap it out for something cleaner. The reason I put this here is because
one, it's super important because all these excessive chemicals that you're potentially
using are endocrine disruptors, and they can affect your hormones, your cycles, your menstruation
and your fertility. So we want to change those things.
The other reason why I put those in here is because they take time to change. It's not
like most people are just going to throw out everything and buy something new. That's a
big expense to take on. So these things take time. So as one thing needs to be replaced,
you replace it with something better. And if you need help with that, there's tons of
resources around. But one of my favorite for that is the ewg.org, you can look up any product
or most products I should say. And they're going to give you a score and let you know
what's clean and what's not. You can look up the product you're using. You can also
look for specific key chemicals to rule out. I'm not going to dive into those in this video,
but I do have many other videos on this topic as well that you can check out as well. We're
going to put that link in the description below.
And last but not least, work on your digestive system, work on your gut health. This is so
important for all of us. Yes, I put it last but it doesn't make it any less important.
Your digestive function is the key to your overall health, is the key to maintaining
regular and consistent hormone balance and the key to helping you get pregnant. I've
seen this over and over and over again, which is why so many of my topics involve diet improvement,
making the right choices. Well, it's not just about making the right choices in the foods
that we eat, but that's super important as well. It's also recognizing that your digestive
system is so important and we need to take care of it regularly. So if you're not having
regular bowel movements or you're going too frequently, and they're very loose, you have
a lot of pain after you eat. These are signs, your body is talking to you.
I also encourage all of you if you've been on the hamster wheel of trying for 6 or 12
months, and you've been told, well, we don't know what the cause is. Or you've been told
that you have unexplained fertility issues, then I want to invite you to take a deeper
look at your digestive system and your gut. I often find that 80% of the time, when you
all tell me that you have unexplained fertility, they can't find a cause, 80% of the time,
that's because they didn't look in the right place and they're not looking at your digestive
system and your gut. We need to improve that. And that takes time. That doesn't happen in
a day or a week, for sure. That takes months. And it takes ongoing work once you've laid
the foundation. So I really do want to encourage you, if you've
been on this process for a period of time, you're not getting the results that you've
been looking for, or even better yet. You're just starting down the road of trying to have
a child. Now is the time to look deeper at your digestive system and start to make changes
now so that it's easier in the future. I want to ask you all to comment below, what
did you like about this video? What do you think is going to be valuable for you on your
fertility journey that you just learned in this video? I want to hear from all of you,
which one of the five points that I covered comment below and let me know. And when you
comment below, it allows this video to be seen by so many other couples that need the
same help as you. So you're helping all of these other couples throughout the world,
which I think is truly amazing. If you know that you are struggling, if you know that
you need a little bit more assistance and help, if you know you've got gut issues, or
you need a little bit more guidance on how to clean up your health and your lifestyle
to get on the fertility journey in the right direction, then I want to invite you once
again, to apply for a discovery call with me and my team to see if you're the right
fit for my Hope Coaching Program. All you have to do is use the link in the
description below. Remember, this is part of my video mini series on preconception.
If you haven't watched the previous videos, go back and do so. They're in the previous
week, just released before this one, you're going to learn a ton of useful information
on the importance of preconception work and what you can start to do now to help your
fertility in the future. If you liked this video, give it a thumbs up. If you're not
already a subscriber to my YouTube channel, you should be, so hit that bell to subscribe
and get notified when I put out a new video for all of you. All right everyone, until
the next video, stay fertile.