-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You're watching it. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you very much.
Well, guys, earlier tonight,
President Biden delivered the State of the Union address.
Yep. Of course, Democrats spent most of the night
clapping for Biden.
It wasn't for anything he said.
They were just trying to keep him awake.
They were like, "Alright, hey... Hey! Come on."
It was a tough night for all of Biden's staffers
watching from The White House,
'cause every time people clapped,
the lights went on and off.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
It's the same thing every year. One side stands and claps.
The other side sits still, not having any fun.
It reminds me of my cousin's wedding.
Yeah. "I give it six months!"
Now, Biden also talked about his achievements.
He said, "We passed an infrastructure bill,
we reduced inflation,
and we finally convinced Tom Brady to retire."
So I think it's a great year.
[ Cheers and applause ]
In his speech, Biden called for bipartisanship and unity.
He was like, "As Democrats and Republicans,
we have one common goal -- to mishandle classified documents."
There was wall-to-wall coverage of the State of the Union
on all the major networks, like NBC, ABC, and CBS.
Meanwhile, Netflix is like, "Ka-ching."
I read that Biden's approval rating currently stands at 42%,
just above the 41% he had at last year's State of the Union.
That's tough.
It's like eating kale for an entire year,
then realizing you only lost 1 pound, and you go,
"I did this for a whole year."
At the State of the Union,
Biden was excited to talk about all of his accomplishments.
I think he even wanted to mess with China a little bit.
Take a look at his entrance tonight.
-Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States!
-♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter what ♪
♪ Got money on my mind, I can never get enough ♪
-That's how he entered. That's how he entered.
-Just rubbing it in their face. My goodness.
-That's an entrance right there. -That is an entrance.
-Yeah. Well, speaking of the balloon,
the U.S. Navy has started to recover parts of
the Chinese balloon that was shot down over
the Atlantic Ocean.
Not only did we find the balloon,
all the Navy divers came back speaking
in that funny helium voice.
[ High-pitched ] "Mission accomplished!"
[ Normal voice ] Listen to this, guys.
Today, Speaker Kevin McCarthy suggested that
Congressman George Santos will face a House investigation.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
The specific charges are "everything."
Some news from overseas.
I saw that Kim Jong-un just reappeared in public
for the first time in 36 days.
Tough news for North Korea -- when Kim Jong-un emerged,
he saw his shadow, which means six more weeks of dictatorship.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
Yep, Kim Jong-un hadn't attended any social functions
in over a month.
So either something is wrong or he was just doing Dry January.
Switching gears, Tom Brady announced that, next year,
he will start his broadcasting career at Fox Sports.
But the statement from Fox Sports seemed a bit off.
Here, check this out.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I didn't think they'd release that.
-Huh?
-I didn't think they'd release that.
You'd think they'd go, "Oh, we made a mistake.
We'll keep it back." You know what I mean?
But they let it out there. That's great.
-I think they just went with, like, a live commercial
and they just didn't have the time.
You know, sometimes, you just got to put that out there.
-Keep on going, yeah. -Breaking news.
-Yeah, exactly. Live commercials.
Everybody loves them. -Yeah, so fun.
Well, people are talking about this.
Apparently, the "Yellowstone" series starring Kevin Costner
is set to end.
[ Audience groans ]
And a spin-off starring Matthew McConaughey
could be in the works.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
Yeah, they already have a title for it.
It's going to be called "Yellowstoned."
Genius.
That's a good idea. [ Cheers and applause ]
I'd watch that.
Did you guys hear about a Kia recall?
It's not great. Take a look at this.
-A recall alert if you drive a Kia S.U.V.
The company is recalling the Telluride three-row S.U.V.
over faulty second-row side airbags.
-Aw, man! I just bought a Kia S.U.V.
-Oh, Geez. I'm sorry, Tariq.
-It's all good.
I mean, at least I still have my trusty Honda.
It's an older vehicle, but that's okay.
-Oh.
-"Oh" what?
-Roll the clip.
-A recall alert for you this morning.
Honda is urging owners of around
8,000 older vehicles to not drive them.
The airbag inflaters have a high possibility of
exploding and hurling shrapnel in a crash.
-What?! How am I supposed to get to my friend's
Super Bowl party this weekend?
-I'm not sure. I'm sorry about that, Tariq.
-I had it all planned out.
I was going to bring my charcuterie board.
I bought six different packages --
excuse me, eight packages.
Eight different packages of ready-to-eat meats.
-A recall alert for you,
and it deals with your charcuterie board.
Six different packages -- excuse me, eight different packages
of ready-to-eat meat could be contaminated with listeria.
-Come on!
-It's a tough break.
Is there anything else that you can bring to the party?
-Well, thankfully, I'm always prepared.
In my kitchen right now, I've got like
2.5 million pounds of canned meat.
-There you go. That's perfect. What time is the party?
-Well, kickoff is at 6:30,
but I'll get there a little bit early, around six-twenty-fooa --
six-twenty-four.
-Time right now, it is six-twenty-fooa --
six-twenty-four.
A recall alert for something that may be
in your kitchen right now.
Conagra is recalling more than
2.5 million pounds of canned meat.
-Are you kidding me?!
-Do you have anything else?
-I'd have to check my pantries.
Maybe my Rao's.
I have some 16-ounce jars of
made-for-home slow-simmered soup.
They're labeled chicken and...gnocchi?
-We have a recall alert new at 5:30.
Check your pantries.
Rao's is recalling some 16-ounce jars
of made-for-home slow-simmered soup.
The affected jars are labeled chicken and...gnocchi?
-Man, I give up!
-Why don't you come to my Super Bowl party.
-Sure. What do you have planned?
-Well, you know I live above Two Rivers Coffee,
so we're going to do a hot-cocoa party,
because they have these cool peanut-butter hot-chocolate pods
including Brooklyn Peanut Butter Cup Hot Cocoa,
Pingo...Peanut...Butter... Cookie...Hot...Chocolate,
and Cold Stone Peanut Butter Cup Perfection.
-Oh.
-"Oh" what?
-Roll the clip.
-Two Rivers Coffee is recalling its
peanut-butter hot-chocolate pods,
including Brooklyn Bean Peanut Butter Cup Hot Cocoa,
Pingo...Peanut...Butter... Cookie...Hot...Chocolate,
and Cold Stone Peanut Butter Cup Perfection.
-You know what? Forget it.
Just come over, and we'll rewatch the Grammys.
Tariq Trotter, everybody. -Jimmy Fallon.
-That is Tariq Trotter, the one and only.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
Wow.
Difficult to make plans.
Finally, experts in California
discovered a pretty crazy issue at one house.
Check this out.
-A pest-control company encountered a home
that had been experiencing damage from a woodpecker.
And look at this.
The bird had been storing acorns in the home's walls.
700 pounds of acorns.
-Oof!
The woodpecker was like, "Well, there goes my Super Bowl party.
We have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen!
-Let's go. ♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ] Uh-huh.
Yeah.
We goin' all the way up with this one.
"21 Pounds."
Ha!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thank you very much, everyone. Welcome.
Before we start the show, I just want to mention
UNICEF is on the ground right now
supporting our friends in Syria and Turkey.
They're providing access to
clean water, food, and much more.
So if you're able to give, please visit
unicefusa.org/tonightshow.
Every little bit counts. We appreciate that.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you.