Sometimes, you just have to laugh like hell. Even at things that aren’t supposed to be
funny! Life can so often get tricky and complicated,
why not find something humorous in the undisputable simplicity of it all.
Horror movies are full of moments like this. They’re famous for making people cringe
and pull out their hair while shouting at the screen: DON’T DO THAT!
Don’t open the door, don’t check out the basement, don’t turn around when the killer
is following, don't try to electrocute the demon in the public swimming pool.
But if everyone in every horror movie made perfect, logical decisions at every turn,
there wouldn’t be much to see, right? So today, we’ll celebrate the stupid, we’ll
congradulate the idiotic, and we’ll chuckle along with the worse choices possible.
Hello horror heads, and welcome back to the scariest channel on YouTube: Top5ScaryVideos.
I’m your horror host, Keegan Hughes, and today we’re going to count down the Top
5 Dumbest Horror Movie Moments. Before we get the ball rolling, make sure
to give this video a big thumbs up, and subscribe for more inane ineptitude!
Perfect, let’s begin! NUMBER FIVE: TOUCHING THE SNAKE ALIEN - PROMETHEUS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nsNmmDtGjc 0:59 - 1:11
A lot of folks say that Prometheus suffers from what media critics call an Idiot Plot.
This is a story in which every bad thing that happens, or at least most of them, stem from
a character making a really poor decision, especially when they should know better.
A lot of such decisions are made in this Ridley Scott flick, like people removing their helmets
before being 100% sure that the air is breathable, or boinking when you should be doing your
job. All of the main characters are scientists,
or ex-military, or other types of experts in their field, so bad decisions should largely
be avoided, right? Well, a lot of these instances in the movie
can be chalked up to relatively informed decision making rather than ineptitude.
The air on the unexplored planet wasn’t fully tested, sure, but the crew was functioning
within the limits of acceptable risk based on their mission.
The folks boinking probably knew they shouldn’t be, but were under the assumption that things
were under control at the time. However, the dumb moment we’ll address today
is strictly dumb. Very dumb.
Recklessly dumb. Millburn, the goofball biologist, decides
it’s a fantastic idea to closely inspect the alien snake thing that nobody has ever
seen before. In fact, he’s so transfixed, that he reaches
out to touch it. He is promptly killed.
Why would a biologist ever approach a potentially hostile lifeform in the way Millburn did?
That’s a damn good question. One I don’t have a proper answer for.
Although, up until that point in the movie, we weren’t given too many reasons to believe
he was particularly brilliant, as a biologist or as a functioning human being.
He got scared of a hologram depicting other people running, prompting him to flee as well.
He had been acting a fool on board the ship. Why did this man get hired?
HOW did this man get hired? NUMBER FOUR: THE CAT FLAP KILL - SCREAM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYmIIbYoH0 1:24 - 1:37
To this day I hope and pray that the next time I watch Scream, Tatum will actually take
advantage of her ass-kickery and curb-stomp Ghostface until he’s leaking.
This will never happen. During the serial killer lockdown party, which
by the way is already a dumb idea, young Tatum heads out to grab some beer.
Underage drinking? Also dumb! Stay clean, kids!
Of course, she runs into Ghostface while perusing the merchandise.
At first, Tatum thinks it’s Randy, but this is quickly corrected when he cuts her arm
with a knife. She proceeds to blast him in the head with
the freezer door, pelt him with beer bottles, and tabletop him into the stairs.
She’s got the one hundred percent advantage here.
She could kick him in the head until he goes limp.
She could grab any of the sporting equipment in the garage and pummel him until he can’t
move. She could just click the garage door opener
and exit stage left. But no. Our poor, sweet Tatum decides to flee
from her advantageous brawl, and attempts to squeeze through the cat flap on the garage
door. Unsurprisingly, a human body does not fit
through this tiny portal. She gets stuck, Ghostface gets up, and she’s
soon crunched between the door and the ceiling. Come on, girl.
NUMBER THREE: THROWING AWAY THE MAP - THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT
I mean, most of the decisions made in this flick are bad ones.
Unexplainable behaviour abound. I guess this can be explained away by saying:
They’re young adults! They’re supposed to act stupid! A witch is cursing them and
making them act weird! But this particular moment? It’s a special
kind of stupid. Well into their walk through the woods, it
becomes apparent that the map has gone missing. As the group frantically tries to locate their
paper lifeline, Mike comes forward and reveals that he had kicked it into the creek the day
before. Imagine being in that situation.
You’re in an unfamiliar forest, hunting a witch, creepy things are happening all around,
and your friend; who’s one job was to not kick the map into a creek and let it float
away, did just that. I’d kill them.
Right away, trip ended, you’re dead. But he was frustrated! Don’t you see? He
had to kick the only point of reference they had into flowing water! How else would he
express his dissatisfaction? Mike also claims that the map wasn’t doing
them any good anyways, which is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say when hiking an unfamiliar
area. Even if they didn’t need it now, they’ll
sure as hell need it later! So, of course, instead of giving up and walking
back where they came from, they decide to follow the compass South, getting them even
more hopelessly lost. Which moves the plot along, sure, but who
in their right mind would act in such a way? Maybe this is on Heather and Josh for letting
Mike tag along. NUMBER TWO: ANTIFREEZE OATMEAL - JACK FROST
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV84lrPHw8k 6:47 - 6:57
Jack Frost has a pretty dumb premise to start with.
A serial killer brought back to life by a noxious chemical as a near-impervious snowman,
making puns and killing people around town. Not your most cerebral slasher to say the
least. However, the thing that does old Jack in puts
the log line to shame in terms of stupidity. Early on in the movie, we meet the main character:
Sam, the sheriff slash dad. What’s special about Sam? Well, he loves
his son! But he’s got a hard time hanging out with his son because he’s a cop.
Classic dad! So his son, wanting to do something special
for dad, makes him a vile oatmeal-ish concoction and puts it in a Ziploc.
It’ll keep you warm, dad! Sam, seeing this and being repulsed, ALMOST
throws it away on the way to work, but his everlasting love for his son compels him to
keep it on him a little while longer. Foreshadowing, anyone?
Later on, the townsfolk come up with a strategy to bear the snowman: HAIRDRYERS.
It works, until it doesn’t. Damn. Then, in a tense car-based altercation, something
horribly disfigures the killer snowman Confused, papa pulls out the ziploc of oatmeal,
and realizes that this is the compound they need to kill it
SON, WHAT’S IN HERE? Antifreeze, dad, to keep you from getting
cold! WOMP WOMP
Can you imagine if he just ate it to please his son?
Dead. Why did the young lad have access to antifreeze?
Wasn’t the mom overseeing his cooking process? How did nobody prevent this from happening?
Perfectly convenient and nonsensical, like all good plot points should be.
Deus oat machina. So in a last, desperate bid, they get all
of the town’s antifreeze in the bed of a truck and concoct a plan to get the snowman
into it. Some upstairs window-jumping occurs, and everyone
lives happily ever after. For now. NUMBER ONE: COMPUTER STRIP TEASE - TAMMY AND
THE T REX https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxSpUz5a9gw
7:18 - 7:24 Ohhhhh boy.
Back in the 90’s this wouldn’t even really be a horror movie, thanks to some studio intervention
getting all the gore taken out ahead of release. It just played as a wacky teenaged romp featuring
a certifiably insane duo of mad scientists. But then they released the gore cut in 2019,
in all it’s ooey gooey glory, and we’ve got ourselves a ridiculous, hilarious, dumb
as a doorknob monster movie. Clean-as-a-whistle jock boy Michael is vying
for the love and attention of the prototypical 90’s babe Tammy.
Too bad she’s got a hard-as-nails violent lunatic of an ex-boyfriend.
The two lads tussle, and one thing leads to another, with Michael eventually being kidnapped
and dropped off in the middle of a nature reserve full of LIONS AND JAGUARS.
Naturally, he gets mauled and falls into a coma.
His drunk of an uncle doesn’t do a good job of waiting up for him at the hospital,
which allows the mad scientists to stroll in, declare Michael dead, and steal his brain
to be used in a giant, animatronic T-Rex. His still-living brain is placed in a big
bowl of fluid, and then this bowl is put into the dinosaur, and then he goes on a rampage.
AND WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOT TO THE DUMB PART. The computer striptease.
And I’m not talking about someone’s OnlyFans account.
I mean that Michael is literally reliant on a computer to exist.
His brain is freed from the dinosaur, but no other bodies are available, so he’s been
attached to a PC to live out his days. Tammy is now his caretaker slash body hunter
slash girlfriend, robbing graves and pillaging morgues while she attends to his needs.
For whatever reason this means pouring alcohol directly onto his exposed brain as sustenance?
And this makes his perfectly-rendered human face appear on a monitor?
In an act of unconditional love and intimacy, Tammy now performs a strip tease for computer
Michael. Yes, the high-school sophomore is now wearing
angelic lingerie and dancing for her digital boyfriend.
Michael then gets so excited that sparks fly from the wires connecting his brain to the
screen. And this is normal! Good, even!
My god. OUTRO
How are you feeling after that? Losing a few IQ points is actually quite soothing,
brain cells aren’t meant to last forever anyways.
What did you think of the list? What’s the dumbest horror movie moment you
can muster up? Make sure you let me know down in the comments.
Speaking of comments, let’s take a look at some of your more bombastic ones from the
Top 5 Best Horror Movies of 2020 So Far: Daniel Smith-Harrod says “Thanks for the
heads up on the new films, Keegan, I might just leave my fallout shelter.”
Damn, dude, that’s commitment! You could probably find some VOD versions of them if
you want to remain fallout sheltered! Heathosaur Cambaliza says “The new Quite
Place” Ah yes, I’ve heard the new place is quite
indeed. Wonderful. Velkro Kitty says “I don’t understand
the hate directed toward The Mummy. I really liked it. Am I the only one?”
Common misconception: just because someone says something was disappointing or underwhelming
doesn’t mean they hate it! Plus, it was a box office flop trying to start a new cinematic
universe, and claiming that it underperformed is more fact than opinion.
Pearl Kohler says “Elijah Wood is having a serious moment.’
He’s been having moments! The lad knows how to pick outrageous roles. Remember Wilfred?
Moonknight8 asks “Keegan, can you adopt me?”
In this economy? Not likely. And that’s all the time we have for today!
Before I challenge the devil to a rock off, make sure to give this video a big thumbs
up, and subscribe for more baffling buffoonery. Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next
time!