[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
"Nick Jonas was cute back when he was in the Jonas brothers.
And now, he looks like (LAUGHING) a ferret."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Usher seems like he'll stop in the dead ass middle of sex
because he got chilly."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"P!nk makes music for obnoxious white bridal parties
that drunkenly walk into a Denny's and (LAUGHING)
ruin everyone's evening."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
I would have said Waffle House, but whatever.
"Watching Alice Cooper, and all I can think of
is that he looks like a ball sack with face paint on."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Well, that's fair.
"The Lumineers are the musical equivalent to a triple venti
half sweet iced caramel macchiato.
[BLEEP] them and this."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Common is the Pottery Barn of rappers."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] What the [BLEEP] you know about rappers?
"Like honestly, saying Blink-182 is
your favorite band is like saying I'm OK
(LAUGHING) living with herpes."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Used anti-frizz shampoo on my pubes,
and now my penis (LAUGHING) looks like Steve Aoki."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Waterfalls by TLC has to be the worst
song about waterfalls ever."
[INAUDIBLE]
That's-- you know what, that's just
some like natural earth bitch, you know what I'm saying?
That said that.
"Fallout Boy is the Comic Sans MS of music--
they're both (LAUGHING) entirely overused."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Zendaya's skinny A-F. Damn, looking like
a (LAUGHING) whole spaghetti."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
That's awesome!
That's awesome.
"I'd rather be homeless and watch two cats bang in an alley
than to go to a Ludacris concert."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Adam Levine is if a flaccid penis could kind of sing."
Bro.
This is riddled with mistakes.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Niall Horan is ugly.
Good night, everyone."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
"Erykah Badu tits look like [BLEEP]."."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[CHUCKLES] I had three babies. - "LOL.
Meghan Trainor looks like that girl my parents would force me
to listen to If I were white."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND GROANING]
"If you're a guy and you're listening
to Depeche Mode, reach into your vagina
and pull your balls back down."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]
"I left more talent in my toilet
this morning than Green Day has ever had.
Green Day sucks [BLEEP]."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
I'm glad that you're thinking about us
while you're taking dumps.
We're doing something right.
We'll think about you while we're sucking [BLEEP]..
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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