- Are you in the market for some low-priced body parts?
- Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- (spooky voices) Good Mythical Morning! - Muahahaha! We have pre-released our
final video of... - Woo-hoo!
- ...Sketchtober, it's called Did You Get Me Anything? over at vessel.com/rhettandlink
So check out that pre-release right now. Well, not right now. Hang out with us a
little bit and then click over a little bit later, you got time later.
- You got time. You know, the spiders really had their way with the set over
the weekend, Link! - Welcome to Halloweek, everybody!
Spoo-oo-oo-ky. - Okay, ah.
- It's gonna take us 'til Christmas to clean up all that web junk.
- Alright. The internet can be a really dark place, and I'm not just talking about
the dark web, I'm talking about just the buying and selling market that's
out there on the internet. And if you wanna get illegal on the internet, you
can do that on the illegal black market. And we're gonna play a game today...
- We don't recommend it. - ...to see how much experience you have
with the black market, or just how good of a guesser you are. It's time to play:
Black Market - Price is Right (spooky sound)
Link Neal! (bell ringing) Come on down! - Woo! That's me! That's me! Yeah!
- You're the only contestant... - Woo! Yeah!
- ...on the Black Market Price is Right. - Hey!
- Welcome. - My mom is a big fan of yours.
- Oh, I'm popular with the older ladies. (laughter)
- Okay, this is how this is gonna work. You got 7 rounds. I'm gonna tell you about
a black market item, and then I'm gonna give you two prices. You choose which
price is right. If you get 4 out of 7, you get to choose what's in the mystery box.
- I know how...I watch the show. - You ready?
- $5,500, Pat. - I'm gonna give you some information...
- 3 and 5, Alex. - ...and the woman that you see there
over my left shoulder, that's Stevie. She will be revealing the prices (laughs).
- Okay. Alright! Puttin' Stevie to work finally! - That's not Nartu-Fody. You thought it was.
- Alright. - Here we go.
- Dressed in all black. - Betty Lou...
- You're like a roadie. - ...can I read my question?
(Stevie laughing) - I'm sorry.
- You're the contestant. Betty Lou recently lost her arm from the elbow
down after attempting to retrieve her cat from a wood-chipper. Never one to turn
down a good deal, Betty heard that you can get a hand AND a forearm for one low price
on the black market. How much does this buy one, get one free cost?
- Are they attached to each other? - I believe that they are. This is a
arm from the elbow down. - I mean, this is a, I wouldn't wanna pay
$385 because I'd be like, I want it to function. I'm hoping it's $5,500 for a
human arm and a hand? And this is real. - This is real. These are real prices.
I bought all these things myself. To prove it. No I didn't.
- I mean, I gotta say $5,500... - Okay!
- ...there's no way it could be... - Reveal the price, Stevie! It's $385!
- Are you kidding me? Whose is it? - I don't know. Apparently there's a lot
of these to go around. - Really?
- Not off to a good start. How 'bout this, Link?
- You're kiddin' me. - The U.S. exports almost 125 million
dollars worth of bull semen every year. That's not a question, that's just a
statement. Being an enterprising young man, Larnell decides to break into the
local dairy farm refrigerator and grab the semen from the prize bull, Babe.
That's a Paul Bunyon joke. - So these are cows dressed as sailors,
I hope. No, this is not that. - No, sir. How much could Larnell ask for
ONE millimeter of bull semen on the black market. One milliliter of BULL semen.
- That's, okay. Okay. Okay. That is not a lot.
- Did I mention that it's bull semen? - No. I mean, you can make a bull with that.
- Yeah. Oh yeah. - Or a cow.
- You can make twin bulls, maybe. - Um, so I'm thinkin' $1,000. But there's
no way, but there's a lot of it. - One milliliter.
- And that's a little bit. - It's a very small amount.
- I'm gonna say $10. - Alright, reveal the price! It's $1,000.
(laughing) - $1,000. $1,000 for a milliliter of that juice?
- Yeah. Could you imagine if Larnell got a gallon of that stuff? He could retire!
(crew laughter) - Okay, Link. Doing poorly.
Rick's upstairs neighbor Cory has a habit of practicing his river dance skills at
3:42 A.M. Naturally, Rick has started looking into hiring a black market assassin.
- Oh no. - How much money does Rick need to save
up to terminate Cory's clogging? I'd do that if you were clogging up above me
in a heartbeat. - You don't have to take the guy's life,
I mean, just take his clogs! - (laughs) Well, that's not how we work
around here, it's Halloweek. - 25 grand or 110 grand?
- To kill somebody. To have a hit man kill somebody. What's the goin' rate.
- I'm glad to say that I have no point of reference for this.
(laughter) - Good. Good.
- Um, this is scary stuff, man. - Nah.
- I don't even feel right answering. - That's alright.
(Stevie laughs) I don't care.
- Okay, I'm not gonna answer. - (laughs) No, we need an answer.
- Uh, I mean again, you're killin' a human being. I mean, that's...
- Right. Mhmm. - ...you can't put a price tag on that.
But if I would, I'm gonna pick the higher one. 110 grand.
- Alright! Reveal it. It's...wrong. (laughter)
- What. You're gettin' like a low budget assassin!
- No, that's what it costs to kill somebody these days, man. The economy's tough.
- Dude. - You've missed all three so far.
(crew laughter) - So I'm...I gotta go against...
- Mystery box, you gotta run the table they call that runnin' the table, Link.
- I got a lotta good reasons, right? - Last Thursday, while scraping gum off
her ceiling, Destiny forgot that the ceiling fan was on and it ripped her
scalf - scalp, clean off. - Her scalf.
- Luckily for Destiny... - The scalf is the thing under your scalp
when it gets ripped off. - ...1.8 billion people work in the black
market and some of them sell human scalps. How much do they charge for those scalfs?
- Are they living scalps? Like, are they transplantable? Or is it just for like a,
"Hey look at this, I got a dried up scalp." (Stevie laughs)
"On my shelf." - Uh...
- Which you would do that. - I can't honestly say I know the answer to that.
- Oh. Well this is a crapshoot. 607, 700 hundred dollars for a scalp,
I mean, I'm disturbed that you could purchase this.
- And we could actually afford one of these. - I mean, I'm just gonna guess, $700 so
I'm going against that 'cause I've been wrong every time and I"m going with $607.
- Alright, let's see! Together - $607!
- Go against instinct, Link! - And it works.
- Follow that rule in life and you're gonna be great. Alright.
(laughs) - The illegal animal trade nets more than
10 billion dollars every year thanks to people like Steve. Steve's lonely and
wants to sleep next to something living instead of his girlfriend shaped body
pillow. Heh heh. - (mocking) Heh heh.
- So he purchases... (Stevie laughs)
- "I said girlfriend shaped body pillow. Heh heh." - So he purchases a 170 pound Komodo
Dragon. How much does it cost? - A 170 pound Komodo Dragon?
- They're big. - Wow.
- Are they $300,000 or $30,000? That's a big lizard.
- But it's still a lizard. I mean it costs 25 grand to kill a human being, but you
gotta pay at least 30 grand for a lizard? What world are we livin' in?
- A black market, Link. - (laughs) Uh, I hope it's 30 grand.
Don't pay $300,000 for a...but that's the big one. I think there's lots of risk.
- Hmm. - I'm going against my instinct again.
- Okay. - 300 grand.
- Alright, you're wrong. - Agh! I was right!
- For $30,000 man! - That makes no sense anyway.
- For a teacher's salary you can get a Komodo Dragon. Alright.
Dave is redecorating his man-cave with a trendy Silence of the Lambs theme.
Skin is sold on average in chunks of 22 square feet, which is exactly how
much Dave needs to upholster his Chaise Lounge! How much will Dave shell out
for 22 square feet of skin? $2,640 or $89.99? - 22 square feet. That's not a lot. That's
not enough to cover a chair. - It's enough to cover a human.
- No it's not. 22 square feet? - 22 square feet we've did some research,
is about the average amount of skin on all of a person. - Oh. It's a human skin. Is it intact?
- Well, I think so. - I mean it can't be $90 for a human skin,
like, this is real human skin? - Real human skin, Link.
- Guh. I mean, this is way under priced. This is a deal either way, so I'm going,
I think it's $2,640, and I'm going against instinct and I'm gonna say $89.99
as crazy as it seems, that's my answer. - Link!
- You told me to go against my answer! - Whoa, you just spit! How much is that worth?
- $89.99? What is it, like a... - $89.99!
- ...a joke. That was like to say... - You said to go against your answer!
(Stevie laughing) - All of them have been jokes!
- Link, you're not gonna win what's in the mystery box, I'm gonna get to open it.
But, this is just for giggles. Just giggles. - Bon Qui Qui loves her...
- The only... - Hold on...
- You said Bon Qui Qui, let me stop there. The only thing that makes me feel good
about being so bad at this is how much trouble Stevie is having moving these things.
(Rhett laughs) - So, at least I'm not the only one having
trouble. So, Bon Qui Qui what? - Bon Qui Qui loves her doll, but has
grown tired of the not anatomically correct plastic of its body.
(Link laughs) - She wants a real doll.
- No. (crew laughter)
- Like, really real. - Uh uh.
- How much money will little Bon Qui Qui need to dump out of her piggy bank in
order to buy an entire human cadaver? - Oh, a whole human.
- Whole human. - A whole human cadaver?
- Intact, all the body parts. - Half a million dollars or a quarter
million dollars. Man. I mean, you kill a person for 25 grand, that's quite a margin.
- And you sell them for $500,000 - oh, I just gave you the answer. (laughs)
- Oh, okay. $551,473. - The reason I knew that is because I've
been thinking about this business plan, man! You kill for $25,000 you sell for,
that's like a crazy... - That was my point.
- Multiple thousand percentage, man. We should, we're in the wrong business.
- Business opportunity. - Link, you didn't win, but I'll tell ya.
- Let's keep 'em in suspense about what's in the mystery box 'cause I didn't win.
But what do I get, a dollar? - Yeah, I'm gonna give you a dollar.
- Alright. Thanks for liking and commenting and NOT agreeing with any of these things being right.
- Not the five. - For being on the black market. It's wrong.
- It's...the one. - You know what time it is.
- "Hi, I'm David and I'm from New York and I just came back
from Disney World! And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality!"
- Remember our last sketch of Sketchtober: Did You Get Me Anything? has been
pre-released on Vessel. vessel.com/rhettandlink check it out!
- Click through to Good Mythical More where we've got more black market body
part stuff. We got the scoop on that. - And we're gonna sell 'em.
- Eulogy for someone who died reading Yelp reviews.
(funeral music) - Well, we've all gathered here today
to celebrate the life of one, Bobby Adams. - Bobby Adams had a special habit that
made him a little unusual. Uh, he just loved, he loved to read Yelp reviews.
- He never ate anything, he never visited any of these restaurants. He lived
vicariously through these Yelp reviews. - He had a way of experiencing...
- It was sad. - ...the heart of a restaurant by reading
the reviews of a restaurant. - It's as if he could taste "text" but only
in Yelp reviews. To the point where he started trying to taste the text.
- That's really where we're gettin' at. - And then what happened?
- It's that you shouldn't try to taste text because Bobby did.
- He licked his phone, which had Yelp reviews on it.
- And then he died. - 'Cause there was some sort of E-Coli
or somethin' on his phone, I don't know. - But, you know he died doin' what he loves.
Together - Reading Yelp reviews.