Hello lovely people! Hi! We are currently in Rome yay! Because it is my
birthday in two days time
and also that means the fifth year anniversary of our engagement
You are such a romantic. I know, what more romantic than Rome.
Ah... Romance.. Is that where is from? The word romance?
Anyway [laughs]
I feel like they're gonna be comments now going now my city is
actually the city of romance. They all stem from latin.
Doesn't everything?
Ok [laughs] Ok so there will
actually be video all about our wonderful travels in Rome but here is a
little video an interim video if you will about fear
Yeah that took a turn
Didn't it? Because interestingly as a couple
We're married if you're only just tuning in
Claudia is definitely I would say more of the fearful one, yeah don't
don't even remind that she can't watch horror movies
we can't even watch things that have minor peril. Yeah but like weirdly I put
that down to the fact I've got an active imagination. True. But so do you.
You can somehow compartmentalize fiction from reality whereas I'm like oh my gosh that
like alien creature is gonna be in my bathroom.
That's definitely gonna happen
isn't it Jesse? Jesse come with me, come with me!
having like... staying
in a new city in a new country and a new apartment
um we've rented an apartment we're not in a hotel. Yeah there's like I got a bit
freaked out on the first night when it started getting dark be fair we were
watching a Netflix program which was about some serial stalker. "You"
Not me, but I mean..
the programme is called 'You'. Sorry?
Oh sorry joke...
Yeah, they're all so there's a lot of artwork on the walls
which as Claudia pointed out have eyes. Every like I was like everyone in
here is looking at me and also there's like dismembered like lots of like those
heads and torsos and legs. It's modern art. Well there's a mixture of modern
and old it's actually very nice for an apartment. It's wonderful
you'll see more on the Rome video, but the point is slightly terrifying I've just
realized that there is a fish with a gaping mouth
Ah!
There's so many of these things!
It's just so many things to find you
You just have to have tunnel vision in this place.
especially at nighttime. As we were saying normally Claudia is the one I
would regard as the scared one but since the start of and I'm generally
quite chill, but since the start..
Unless I jump on on you. and then you will not stop screaming. Oh yeah.
I have a really strong startle reflex I can't control that at all if you
surprise me I scream like you are literally murdering me and I can't stop
screaming for at least five minutes. Whereas I don't really jump even if I
like stubbed my toe I don't like go and scream
It doesn't happen when I stub my toe.
Ok anyway. It's when someone else doing it.
Talking about fear again. Anyway, the point is generally aside from the jumpy thing
I'm fine and then 2020 hit the new decade and Wow am I just afraid of
everything, like I have a low-level fear constantly now. Oh. I know sad it is
Why? I don't know but I'd like it to stop
I mean I've never felt like this before
I feel really blue. I think it's January generally I take me quite like
I generally quite like January, it's my birthday month.
I've always felt like that in January. Like a low
level idea of like fear because it's like you've got like anticipation for
the year ahead like you know whether it be exams that year or you know for
basically like seven years of my life I had exams every May, every May or June so
every time January came round I was like 'oh my god'
Why do we put our children through that?
That's a really terrible idea when you think about it.
Their brains are just trying to grow they're just trying to
find out who they are and we're like no we're gonna put you through some stress.
Enjoy!
And then even if there isn't exams there's you know what you want to
achieve in that yeah you have what New Year's resolutions you're like putting
pressure on yourself. I think that's it I think that's my that's my issue I have
to make quite a big like work decision that I can't tell you about but the
point is in making it I know that I'm saying yes to some things but no to
other things and that I'm stopping some things and leaping in the
hope that these other things come to fruition
Opaque. Yeah.
[laugh]
so and that's it's scary. Am I making the right decision? Who knows! how can I know?
We're both the type of people who wish we had spoilers on life that would be
great. I would love to know the day that I die
Would you? yes that'll be amazing
I could live every day to the full. Also I'd be less scared
crossing the road because I know I wasn't gonna die that day. Unless you
knew that day you were gonna die you didn't have the like... know the how?
The facts of how or when exactly. That's fine it's just one day I'm gonna be scared
But would you then
not leave your house? Well I've seen "Final destination" okay it's not a where
Doesn't matter were you go, death will find you.
I don't like horror films! I know, it's alright, I'm sorry I mentioned it.
But yeah I just..I think it's a fear of failure.
Yeah, basically that's everyone's fear. Isn't it?
I guess so? Yeah
Yeah..
It's never really smacked me in the face like this before. I think it's just because the
first year of a new decade and it's supposed to be amazing and I have all
these amazing plans as you saw in my 2020 goals and wishes video there are
things big things that I really want to achieve and do this year
workwise, life wise. Well I mean what would your own advice be to yourself if
someone else was telling you this what would you say?
chill out
exactly take the pressure off yourself.
Yeah, it doesn't matter if you fail it's gonna be ok.
like I have such a bad fear of failure
I don't even let Claudia read my writing. I just really would love to publish
books but then I won't even let my wife read them. But then maybe you
need to analyze what is your definition of failure when it comes to different
aspects of your life because you know some people might consider like if I
went into town today dressed like this and no one complimented me on what I was
wearing how about that is that like a failure of choice of fashion that day?
You know there's lots of levels of failure. Well you should dress for yourself!
I mean like you aren't worried about that. Yeah it's funny I don't care people
stare at me everywhere I go all the time. it's just a thing
but then your fear of
failure of not being able to like publish this
book that you want to do it's never getting done because of the fear of it
Yes. Yeah I have a fear of starting it I have a fear of not starting it
It's just a fear.
So I mean I'm like if you don't even gonna let anyone read you anywhere
any and it's just type stuff you type up on your Mac and just do it. Yeah there's
a fear that I'm wasting my time because if no one reads it then it's wasted time
Oh my gosh.
oh I'm really irritating I'm quite aware I have had to live with this I think you
have to come up with like... An action plan?
Yes so you'd be like I'm going to dedicate one hour every Saturday
afternoon or you'd have to be as strict as that or like one hour every week but
then you might not do it say one hour every Sunday morning like at 10
a.m. I will write on my Mac or I will write whatever wherever.
Well I said it my goals and wishes that I was only gonna work six days a
week not seven and that one day week I was
gonna dedicate to writing so I think I might do it on a day that you're working
because I love you but I love you too much I love you so much I just want to
spend all my time with you. Yeah and quite needy... [laugh]
So you'd be writing and I'd be like 'what are you doing?'
If you don't give Claudia the attention she needs...
Can we go out now? What are you doing? Do you want to like...?
Attention!
Attentioon!
And then I'm like Ok honey, ok, we'll do the thing you want to do now, yeah.
So if I do it on a day were you are working
And I got Clara with me, Clara is really good like...
She makes me do stuff.
She's very good motivational speaker?
No [laugh]
She removes everything else from around me she's like I'm not gonna talk to you
You should be writing. Oh...
And then I'm like hey Clara did you...
Clara?
Cause she just ignores me.
Yeah see this is why we don't get things done when we review each other.
cuz we're like:
yeah we're obsessed with each other but it's amazing five and a
half years and still my number one obssesion. This takes us back around to why we are in Rome
why we're happy and in love and see no reason to be fearful!
Ohh.
This time next year
it'll be your birthday again and you're probably being like wow I achieved
so much this year! No, you probably won't you'll be like 'oh my god I have so much
more to achieve' I'll be like Oh God can you just like
[laugh]
To be fair yeah I mean I guess I have I have achieved in the last year.
Yeah you've done so well!
I know I made a photo book the other day and I didn't realize how much
I had done in 2019 until I made this bloody photo book and was like I need
more pages. That's what's nice about like consolidating your year in photos or
going through a diary that you've kept that's cuz it's like actually
I did a lot this year.
Yeah make a photo book every year highly recommend it's also
much easier than the thing I used to do we print out the individual photos and
then stick them in. Yeah but that's nice therapeutic. Yeah but then you go through
the trauma if you spent five hours sticking all of them in and then you
pick it up and they all fall out. Yeah that's true. That happened to me one year
That was great... Anyway we should round this up sure this is a video about
how it's okay to be scared and afraid and the people that you follow on the
internet that you think are doing really well are also scared and afraid and
think they're failures because that's the human condition!
But also, you shouldn't it's gonna be alright don't worry about it
We'll come back in a years time and everything will be okay. We'll just
have new goals though so there are always new things to achieve but we
should actually appreciate the things we finished and achieved. I used to like I
think that I held like a coping mechanism for when I was like really
like you know nervous and anxious or like fearful that you say about an
upcoming event or exam or situation I was gonna be in I would just think
basically like if you do something weekly like I for instance at the time
of my GCSE exams did a Pilates class every Wednesday evening.
That's fun. Yeah.
So I had some exams coming up on like the like Monday, Tuesday I think it was
and they were like the last I don't know I can't remember the exact but I just
remember that I thought to myself lying down in the Pilates class: this time next
week I will be lying down here having my Pilates class in this exact same room
and all of this stress will be gone, because that time will have passed.
You know? That's true.
Just thing like, like you say in your own phrases
This too shall pass.
Yeah.
And it will. It will!
So however bad something is or how stressed you are it will end.
Like there will be a time when that goes. Yes. And you have to allow yourself to
appreciate when there is very little stress or hardly any and enjoy that moment
because obviously life brings new stresses but just try and get yourself through each week.
See why am I giving out advice? You are normally the one filled with wisdom.
I'm not this is so weird for me I feel really weird and anxious but yeah maybe
in a week's time it will be gone and I'll feel better.
In a week from today it will be February and
February is always better than January
Will it? Yeah... [crickets sfx ]
[laugh ]
Anyway, we'll find out when this video goes out!
I love you!
I love you too!
Thank you for your advice.
If you too appreciate Claudia's advice please do subscribe
I mean this is the only advice video she's ever made on this channel but
She might make another!
Who knows?!
I'm sure I've given up for bits of advice sometimes helpful
I'm sure you have that
acutally, I'm so sorry please please correct me in the comments
anytime that Claudia's given you advice because I'm sure she has
if you like this
channel and you want to hear more murmurings of self wallow and
desperation subscribe!
oh my god I can't say that because I've never said that before
You have now! I'm very proud I've never said that before!
I was joking.
Sure, not really...
obviously I want people to subscribe to your channel because it's amazing
Cause you are amazing! Thanks baby, love you
I love you too!
I love you too guys.
It's all gonna be ok.
And everything will be fine, we'll all be fine together.
Mwha!
Byee!