Coffin shopping is something no one wants to do, but when the unfortunate happens to
loved ones, it can become an inevitably necessary task.
The process can be stressful, sad, exhausting and emotionally draining.
But what if shopping for a coffin took a turn for the worst and not only became emotionally
stifling, but literally claustrophobic!
What if you were trapped inside a coffin!
Could you survive?
Is it even possible to get back out?
First, it’s likely that your instinct is to panic and that’s normal.
It’s a small space, barely large enough to move your limbs, and very dark.
But don’t get too worked up!
When you panic you use substantially more oxygen than you otherwise would.
If you manage to calm yourself to a relatively normal state, you could probably survive between
two to five hours on the remaining oxygen.
It’s all dependent on how large you are, the size of the coffin, and how much air you
may have already utilized in the initial panic.
That may sound like a lot of time, but in reality it’s not.
This is a sticky and uncommon situation so you’ll have to start thinking fast.
And remember, don’t panic!
Today, the first thing to search for would be your cell phone.
If by chance you do, you can attempt to make a call to someone and explain the strange
situation.
That of course relies on your phone having service which might be tough in wood and metal
boxes.
A little light would probably make you feel more comfortable but keep in mind that lighting
matches is a bad idea.
When a flame burns it uses oxygen as fuel, eating up that valuable air at a much faster
rate.
Instead use that cell phone as a flash light if it still has battery life!
The next step is to figure out which kind of coffin or casket you’re in.
If your loved ones spent a lot of money on a metal casket, it’s going to be next to
impossible to get out.
For one, they lock, and two you wouldn't be able to open the casket with all the weight
of dirt on top of it.
Hopefully they went the cheaper and more environmentally friendly route.
These coffins can be made of a thinner wood, bamboo, wicker, or even cardboard!
And are often buried in shallowed holes.
Somewhere between two to four feet rather than six feet to help speed up the decomposition
process.
Less dirt means less weight, and less dirt you’ll have to climb through.
Okay so if this is the case, you have a slightly better chance of escaping.
This next step may sound a little strange, but it’s going to feel more natural in the
long run.
You’ll want to slip your shirt over your head, without taking it off your head.
Essentially creating a bag over your head with the sleeves dangling down.
This will allow you to breathe without dirt filling your lungs.
Now, find the weakest structural point in the coffin.
It should be the center since there’s no support of any kind.
In fact since you’re buried in a cheaper coffin, the center may have even started to
sag from the weight above it.
Get yourself into a position where you could start kicking away at the top of the coffin
until it breaks.
Once the dirt is falling in, you want to fill the coffin with as much of it as possible.
This may sound strange, but what you’re really doing is displacing dirt and weight
that was above you.
The more you can get into the coffin, the less you will have to push through.
Although, it’s important to leave enough space where you can still move a little.
This is because of your final step.
Standing up.
We do it every day, but this time will be the most difficult of your life.
The average height is roughly five feet seven inches for a man.
If you are buried in that shallow grave, and you’re able to stand up, theoretically you
could just about stand up out of the grave.
But in order to do this, you’re going to have to use all your strength, push hard against
the bottom of the coffin, stick your hands as straight up as you can, and push through
all that weight of earth.
It’s so heavy it may even feel like you’re pushing through concrete!
A bit of good news though, because you were just buried, the dirt on top is likely still
loose and not compacted.
So pushing through it should be a little easier.
Once your hands push out of the ground, you can start to use your arms to pull yourself
out and finally breathe that glorious fresh air.
Although it is theoretically possible, it’s very unlikely that you would actually be able
to escape from a coffin that is buried in the ground.
With roughly 80% of US coffins being steel, the odds are stacked against you being able
to break out.
But if you did manage to do it, it would be one amazing accomplishment of strength and
problem solving.
Do you have an idea for how to bust out of a metal coffin?
Besides carrying a blowtorch with you at all times?
Let us know in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe for more episodes of Fuzzy and
Nutz!