What level did you get to as far as basketball goes?
Did you play high school basketball?
Okay, we being honest?
JIMMY KIMMEL: Yeah.
Because you can find footage, so I
don't know how far I can lie.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Okay.
All right, listen.
I played high school basketball.
I played four years of varsity, but it wasn't-- it wasn't easy,
okay?
I wanted to play real bad; this is all I wanted to do.
And my mom she didn't want me to try out because my school
was like two hours from our house,
and we had to catch public transportation.
And the tryouts for the basketball team was at 6:00 AM.
This is a true story.
And my mom was like you're not leaving our house at 4:00 AM
to go try out for a basketball team.
There's all types of crazy people out here,
I'm not sending my son on public transportation at that time.
I was like, mom, but this is the tryouts.
Like I want to be on the team, it's the only way
I can get to be on the team.
She's like, no, not going to happen.
So, because I'm such a genius, I decided
to take all the clocks in the house and set all of the clocks
forward, so--
JIMMY KIMMEL: How far forward?
Oh, I set it forward bad.
When it was really 4:00 AM, I set the clocks to say 6:00 AM.
That's what time I was leaving.
So, I woke my mom up and everything like it
was time for work, like got to get up.
She's like, it's still dark out.
What's going on today?
I was like, I don't know, but we got to get up out of here.
Time to go.
VCRs, clocks, her watches, everything.
I set every clock in the house, and I made it to tryouts.
I tried out and I was happy; my plan worked.
And midway through the day, I remember being in class,
you know, classrooms got those skinny windows right?
And I'm like doing my work and I remember
a head popping in the window.
And it was my mom.
And my mom, she's just biting her lip.
And I remember the teacher's like, Mr. Hart, your mother
wants to see you, and I was like,
don't let me go out there by myself.
He's like, go on Mr. Hart, you're excused, I was like,
no, no, no, please, you gotta come out there with me.
And I remember walking out in that hall
and all I heard her say was, you had
me get to work two hours early!
Bop!
Wasn't nobody else in the office but me!
She beat me all the way home.
Every bus we got on she hit me, had me on the bus
with nobody else on a bus!
The train.
I've never-- I think I got whooped--
I may have gotten whooped for 3 and 1/2 hours straight,
and there was nothing I could say.
And I was happy because I made the team and she was like--
JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, you made the team?
I made the team.
And so that is one of the--
one of the lessons learned.
Yes.
One of the lessons.
That's one of my life lessons.
JIMMY KIMMEL: What was the lesson exactly?
I'm going to be honest with you.
There was no lesson in that one.
Yeah, yeah.
It's called "I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons"
by Kevin Hart.
And go see him in the very funny movie "Captain Underpants".
It's in theaters tomorrow.