By the end of this video,
you're going to have five of them.
So, stay tuned.
I am Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, I am a narcissist negotiation expert and an author.
In these videos, on this channel,
I give you tips, tricks and resources
on how to spot narcissists and also
negotiate with them, in a way that allows you
to feel powerful and shift the dynamic, turn the tables
on them and manage them in a powerful way.
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All right, let's talk about those five signs,
so, let's talk about narcissists first, okay?
So narcissists in general, they need
an endless amount of what? Say it with me.
Oh yes, supply.
They want to feed that ego,
they are empty inside, there's nothing going on,
they have no sense of self, they feel like a shell.
So, they gotta try to pile it all on on the external.
So, what does that mean?
They go searching, searching, searching for anything
to make them feel good on the outside and
that's anyone that makes them,
give them that adulation, “You look so good”
“You're so beautiful” or “You're so handsome”
“You're so amazing”.
Anything that feeds that ego, right?
So, that external validation, it's a black hole,
like it just got to be fed all the time, and
remember they have no empathy,
they have no really sense of guilt
because they feel entitled.
The DSM-5 is what the psychologists and psychiatrists
use to measure whether or not
somebody's actually a narcissist and
one of the items on that DSM-5,
the seven deadly sins is what I call it,
is entitlement, so all of that leads to
a foundation as someone who is a potential cheater and
I call the three deadly sins of a relationship,
the 3 A's abuse, addiction and adultery, and
narcissists lend themselves very nicely to the all 3.
The 3 A’s attack the integrity of
the foundation of a relationship.
There's no trust involved with that.
So, what are the signs? What are the signs?
Even hiding bills,
if they are the money spouse or
somebody who has access to finances,
they don't want to give you the login,
if their phone is there they immediately hide it
if something pops up,
they take it with them everywhere they go,
even into the bathroom,
never letting it out of their sight,
grabbing it as soon as anything,
is their credit card bills, grabbing the mail,
not letting you see the mail because, obviously,
if they're spending money on this person,
Victoria's Secret, I've seen $15,000 Louis Vuitton
bags being purchased for people.
I've seen people get caught because a
Victoria's Secret tag was found in a car,
things like that, jewelry popped up
on a credit card statement that
wasn't being given to them, things like that.
So, hiding their phone, hiding their computers,
refusing to give logins, something like that
can be a telltale sign for sure.
how much they hate cheaters,
how much they condemn cheaters,
how much they would never cheat,
I talk a lot more about this, by the way
in my video on “Is Derrick Jackson a narcissist?”
He was a YouTuber that ended up being a cheater
who was always condemning cheaters and
then ended up being a cheater.
So, definitely check out my video on that guy.
They might even tell tragic stories
on how they were cheated on before,
or how their parent cheated on the other parent and
how they were victimized in some way,
they really hate cheating.
These are the guys that they're like, politicians,
a lot of times who are like,
on the morals committee, the ethics committees and
then they end up being the cheaters.
You know the ones.
So, the ones who boldly talk about
how much they hate cheating,
you've seen the memes out there,
where they say like, a narcissist’s accusations
are actually, they're just confessions.
So, that's sometimes often very true.
So, that's number two. All right.
Without explanation, and then sometimes
if you even ask about where they were,
they'll accuse you of being, like you’re stalking
or you're like overly jealous or overly emotional
or insecure, especially because you didn't respond,
they didn't respond right away and by the way,
the converse of this, oftentimes is like
if they texted you and you didn't respond right away,
then they like flood you, and show up right away and
“How come you didn't respond right away”
related to this, is like there's a lot of cancellations on you,
cancellations on you at the last second,
that sort of thing.
So, you kind of also have to sort of rely on
your gut with this, or sort of like your spidey sense.
Like, you kind of know, “Hmm, this doesn’t seem right”
Okay. So that's number three.
Suddenly, these like flirtatious texts late at night,
maybe with a co-worker or a colleague,
they claim like, sort of, again
like, if you ask them about it,
like you're being overly dramatic,
they projected onto you,
“We're just working together”
“You’re reading too much into it”
“We're just friends”
they make it seem like you are
the one who was just being insecure,
“Nobody else thinks that”
“We're working on a project together”
“We have to be friendly,
in order to have to work together,
it's important for us to have a rapport”
or something like that, but you're like
“No, that's just really seems a bit too chummy”.
How come you're talking about your favorite thongs,
or like your childhood or something?
You're talking about things that aren't work-related,
they just always seem to have an explanation for it.
If you know I'm right, by the way,
Then, the last one is, and
this is something that I saw quite a lot aback
when I was like full on practicing as a divorce attorney,
So, all of a sudden, they're working out,
they're going to the gym, they are losing weight,
they're like pumping iron,
they're getting their teeth done,
if they're a guy, is the teeth for the guy often,
the new boobs if it's a woman, a lot of times botox,
just suddenly the glow up starts to happen,
the refresh starts to happen,
they look better than ever.
That is oftentimes a telltale sign that they are,
maybe they want to look good for someone else,
because maybe they're getting naked with someone else.
So, those are some telltale signs that
there may be some narcissistic cheating going on.
If you know of some more signs,
some other signs,
drop me a comment below, and let me know
some other ones that you guys have seen.
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I'm Rebecca Zung.
As always, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
I will see you in the next video!