- In this video, I'm gonna show you energetically,
what happens to both your ex and you
when you use the no contact rule effectively.
And I'm also gonna show you how to use
the no contact rule effectively.
And the first thing you need to understand
about this process is that the no contact rule
is so powerful because what it allows you to do
is it allows you to bring your energy
back into your own body,
it allows you to give space as well.
What happens is when we're in relationship
with someone else, we're literally sharing energy.
This is why sometimes you may have the same thoughts
at the same time.
This is why energetically you may feel as well
that like when they begin pulling away,
you begin to like lean into them a little bit more
to like get them to come around
or to talk to them or try to fix it.
That's exactly the opposite of what you actually wanna do
when it comes to the no contact rule, though.
The no contact rule is that when you are in separation
with somebody else
and somebody else has maybe asked for space,
or maybe you've asked for space,
what that means is you're asking
for you to be in your own energy.
You're asking to like clear out the energetic space
that goes between you two.
You're asking to separate it.
And a lot of times there could be
different reasons for that.
It could be that the energies just become too much.
It could be that there's a feeling of a loss of self.
Like who am I?
I feel like I've been so intertwined with this person,
like who am I and what do I want?
And sometimes the other person
or you, if you're the one that's calling for no contact
all you want is space.
You just want to feel like you're in your own energy.
You wanna like remember who you are.
You wanna get clear on something.
And sometimes it's hard to get clear
when you're always in someone else's energetic field,
especially if you're both empaths.
That's gonna happen a lot
because empaths feel each other's energy
and then they don't know, Wait, what's your stuff?
What's my stuff?
And that's where a lot of times the confusion can happen.
So when it comes down to this,
first off, it's important to remember
that if this no contact rule,
if you are asking for it, if they're asking for it,
whatever it is, it's important to honor it.
Because the space is where people can become clear.
And at the same time,
this is a very powerful modality that allows you
to bring your energy back and to actually move on.
This is the thing.
Now, I say move on, and you may say,
if you're wanting the no contact to stop
and you wanting to like reconnect with this person,
realize that if it is a means to an end,
if you are doing the no contact rule to get them back,
that's form of manipulation.
It doesn't work that way.
And yeah, sometimes I guess that can work
and people can use it in that way,
but normally it doesn't work long term.
You don't wanna necessarily
play with that manipulative energy.
I'm gonna do this,
even though it's not authentic for me
and even though I don't wanna do it,
but I'm gonna do it to get you to do something
I want you to do.
Maybe if I pull my energy back
and I pretend like I don't care about you
and I'm not thinking about you, then you'll come back.
But it's a very manipulative way of going about it.
Now, when you do it for an end of itself, though,
it's a completely different game.
It actually many times then works
because when you do it as a means to an end,
you like kind of do it,
but there's still some energy that's connected
because you really want them to come back.
And when you do it an end of itself,
you really pull back all your energy.
You pull back all your energy and you understand,
or you at least begin to embody yourself again.
And when you pull your energy back,
there's a magnetism to that.
There's an energy to that.
And I've seen it happen many times
where people pull their energy back,
they start focusing on their own life,
their vibration increases, they feel great,
and then they may meet somebody else.
That other person may come back in a different way,
in a different energy,
but you don't do it because they're gonna come back,
you do it because you owe it to yourself to move on.
And here's the thing, when you let go of the attachment,
and understanding and trusting
that they may never come back, that can be scary.
But it's actually the key.
It's like the key to this whole entire process.
Can you trust the universe?
Can you realize also
that the reason this may be so hard to let go of
is because there's a story there,
there is an attachment there
of this relationship that may also many times
remind you in a weird way of childhood.
Because a lot of times what happens is
if there was a feeling of abandonment as a kid,
we feel like someone emotionally or physically abandoned us,
what we're then doing is that was so painful
when we were a kid,
that when it happens later on in life when we're adults,
we don't want it to happen.
No, please don't do this, I can prove myself.
I can prove that I am worthy, I can prove that I am enough.
And from trying to prove it, what ends up happening
is we end up like overextending ourself,
we end up having this needy energy
where we kind of need them to be a certain way
so that we can get our own needs met.
And the thing that helped me with this
is I had to realize that some of the same patterns
I had in my relationship, in past relationships
was that I have stories that like this person,
there's something like they're not coming around,
they're not emotionally there.
I had stories that were where I felt like deep down
like maybe it's my fault.
Maybe if I was good enough, it wouldn't have happened.
Then I realized that this went a lot deeper
than the ex person.
This went all the way back down to mom and dad
where there was emotional distance that was felt
and there was like
there's something wrong with me and it's my fault.
Maybe if I was better, maybe they wouldn't have divorced
if I acted better, or this thing didn't happen.
As little kids, we internalize everything.
And the thing that I had to realize
that made letting go and moving on so much easier,
was I had to realize it wasn't my fault.
It wasn't because I wasn't worthy,
it wasn't because I wasn't good enough.
And in the same way, it wasn't for that relationship.
I had to realize that between my mom and my dad as well,
it wasn't my fault that they weren't emotionally present.
It wasn't my fault
that it wasn't because I wasn't good enough.
And when you realize it's not your fault
and you realize that you can accept things just as they are,
you then begin to detach the story and the identity from it.
Because what I was doing is I was trying to prove it.
Oh, it's my fault, I felt guilty.
Even maybe moving on, I felt guilty if I would've moved on
from like an ex-partner or something
'cause then I'd be leaving them behind
or you know, I could talk them into it
and let them see my value, my worth.
This is really what this is about, by the way.
This is a deeper core thing.
And when you realize it's not your fault,
when you start to let go of the unworthiness and the shame,
the shame is the belief I'm broken
or something wrong with me,
when you let go of that
and you start being more vulnerable
and expressing the real you,
that's when a lot begins to change.
For a long time in past relationships,
I was in kind of this no man's land
where it was like we'd be in like
this relationship's off and on, off and on,
afraid to really move on.
And eventually, what I had to do is,
we kind of decided together
that we were gonna go no contact.
And that actually helped us move on.
And not only that, though,
that allowed me to really go into myself
and come back to my own energy
and to understand my own worth.
Before that, I did not understand my own worth.
I'd have friends and other people telling me,
Aaron, what do you mean you have trouble with this?
It makes no sense.
You have a big YouTube channel,
you have this, you have that.
You have everything that should be working for you.
But I still felt blocked.
Why? Because deep down there was a shame,
there's a belief that there's something wrong with me.
And once I started leaning into that
and started opening up my heart
and started expressing the real me,
and part of expressing that real me,
meant having that hard conversation to go no contact.
It was kind of like an ultimatum.
Like either we do this or we don't,
but we need to decide right now,
and if we don't decide right now,
then this is what we gotta do.
And it was hard to have that conversation.
But it was also, I think,
a way of me really stepping into the vulnerable me.
Because before, I would just kind of remain
in and out, in and out.
It was like this thing where I wasn't really expressing
what I wanted and what was really best for me
and I was like abandoning myself in the process.
And really, the key to no contact,
is to stop abandoning yourself
and to start understanding your own worth.
Let go of the belief that you're not worthy.
Realize it's not your fault
that mom or dad wasn't emotionally or physically available
when you were a kid, if that's what was the case.
It's not your fault
if somebody wants to break up with you or wants space.
Doesn't mean you're not worthy,
but it is an opportunity for you to go within yourself.
It is an opportunity for you to pull your energy back, PEB.
PEB, pull your energy back into yourself.
Focus on your own life, your own friends, your own family.
Are you doing your purpose for a living?
Are you focused on your own growth?
And as you do that, it changes so much with your own energy.
The other thing I've learned recently
is that I've learned more about desire
and really letting go of the neediness, the desire.
One of the main core desires I believe we have
is for approval or love.
And if we don't believe that we are lovable,
we attract people that don't see the love in us.
We attract people that think
there is something wrong with us.
But really, it's also where we believe
there's something wrong with us
and they're just reflecting that back.
When I started letting go of the shame
and the belief that there was something broken about me,
I let that go and realized it wasn't my fault
for the whole childhood stuff,
I started to feel more worthy.
I started to appreciate different aspects of myself.
I started to realize, I said,
Wait, I'm actually a pretty cool person.
And when I started having those perspectives,
it really changed my own energy
and it allowed me to then make a new choice about myself.
And that's that I'm going to be vulnerable.
Realize that in life you get a reflection
of the energy you're embodying.
And whatever energy you were in
when you were attracted to this person,
that was a one-on-one reflection.
But when you go back to yourself
and you do the no contact rule,
you get to go back and focus on yourself.
And when you're focusing on yourself, you grow.
And when you grow, you may then find somebody
that reflects back that growth that you've made.
And it makes it so much easier
for you to really like express the real you.
And don't limit yourself.
You may say, Oh, I need to force this
and believing that you're never gonna find somebody else.
Realize there are 7 billion people out there on the planet
and that the story that you have about this one person
and how it had to work and all of this stuff,
maybe that's limiting a whole bunch of other people
from coming into your life,
synchronicities from actually coming into your life
in a very powerful way.
So the no contact rule, energetically,
what happens is when you pull your energy back
and you give space, you allow the other person to breathe,
you allow yourself to breathe,
you allow yourself to focus on you.
When you do it an end of itself,
when you're doing it
because it's one of the most powerful ways
to actually move on,
you then move on and you completely let go.
And if it does come back and it's meant to,
maybe you revisit that.
But I would highly recommend to you to move on with yourself
and to really become at peace.
And when you do that, when you're really not attached,
that's when there's the most power there.
It's letting go, letting go of the story,
letting go of the identity, letting go of the past,
and allowing yourself to become emotionally free.
This is what changes so much when we begin to use it.
Now, if you want by the way, a step-by-step process
of how to activate non-attached magnetic energy,
how to go through a complete identity transformation
of letting go of the inner child wounding
and all of this stuff,
I have something called The MAP.
It's completely free.
It is a step-by-step training process
that shows you how to let go of the old,
to wire in the new and become emotionally free.
It's called The MAP, it's a PDF plus a training video.
It's about 40 minutes long.
You go to aarondoughty.com/map, M-A-P, to check that out.
And if you wanna learn more
about the actual No Contact Manifesto,
step-by-step how to use this in an effective way,
watch this video right here.
One of the worst things to do post breakup
or after you have detached from somebody else,
is to keep an open loop and the energy going back and forth.
Now in this video, I'm gonna share with you the solution.