This video is about "Reasons Why People Settle in Relationships"
I'll give reasons why most people decide to settle in unfulfilling unhappy relationships
To find out more please stay tuned to this video. Welcome to The SCG Show! The SCG Show is
officially sponsored by BetterHelp! The link to BetterHelp is in the description below
Recently I sat down with a young woman who was in a relationship that was toxic, unfulfilling, boring
and miserable for years. I asked her why she had stayed for so long until they broke up eventually
her response was "I settled." I've been there myself, I settled in a toxic relationship
with a narcissist for years, longer than I should have done. The reason why I settled =
I personally know many people have had nasty divorces, horrible breakups despite
being together for many years... when asked why they stayed so long together the answer was the same
"I settled" What does it mean to settle in a relationship? In my opinion settling in any type of
relationship or marriage is basically giving up on yourself and finding anything better. I know I felt
that way with the narcissist, she was manipulative and attractive, so my dumb, naive nature
was to buy into all she had to offer, when I should never have gone on more than one date with her
There are reasons I settled, I'm not proud of them but I'll touch on them later in this video. This
is how settling happens - typically it comes out of a state of desperation, loneliness or pressure and
in some cases trauma. People are utterly fed up being single, family are pressuring them
into marriage and settling down and so they are ready to do so and then they find pretty much the
first person who can say yes, will do the marriage etc and they latch onto them and never let go
They rush, they go all in, head first in the hope that this is it and it's gonna work out
and even when their mask slips and the red flags are staring them blankly in the face
they get ignored... their heads go straight into the sand to ignore all of the problems... because
they must settle... they must settle! Here are reasons why people are settling in relationships... If you're
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People settle and stay in unsatisfying relationships longer than they should
because they fear being alone. I suffer from this quite badly it's the reason i stayed
in a toxic relationship and a massive reason I actually took the toxic ex back at the beginning
I suppose my experience was that I had an extreme scarcity mindset, meaning that my
narcissist partner was the best I could do and I'd risk maybe never finding someone else again
and that breaking up and being alone would be so debilitating and soul-crushingly, painful
that I wouldn't be able to cope with such a thing which of course is complete and utter
nonsense, and I would never advise or advocate any of my viewers to stay in a toxic relationship
or with the wrong person because you'll never be good enough for the wrong person
Let's look at settling versus being alone for example = if you settle in this miserable
relationship you're alone without realizing it. You can't communicate your ideas, thoughts and emotions
There's a real lack of connection possibly a severe lack of intimacy and things just feel
isolating despite physically being present in the relationship. Let's counter that with you being
alone, sure physically you may be living, sleeping eating etc on your own, yes you may have no
romantic partner in your life but are you really alone or is it just a phase? Because you will with
the right mentality pick yourself up again, heal and you will recover and when you do all those
things you will start dating and living again then, just like myself you'll have a better chance
of attracting a healthier better partner that is better suited to your needs and accommodate
your life in a better way. So doesn't being alone excites you more knowing that reality is that fear
of loneliness is actually just a phase of your life? Think about it it's just all in your head...
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Let's make no mistake to the self-aware mature healthy person dating can be a bit of a minefield
especially online dating which is largely superficial and you only judge each other
on pictures and so on. I remember thinking how much dating was a hassle all those years ago in
my toxic relationship, I wanted out so badly... I was completely fed up... I mentally checked
out... I emotionally checked out too... however at that specific time and towards the end of
the relationship where the arguments that were the worst they'd ever been and things spiraled, I had a
lot going on in my professional life... I was project managing something that fell on my lap in my other
business and it had to require my entire energy, focus, money to deal with it at the very same time
Dating the narcissist was utter hell who only stressed me out even more making my life a living
nightmare. I was so so stressed at that time... when I even thought about walking away, I said to myself
"I have no time for dating right now nor any energy I've just got too much on, I might as well stay
in my relationship and see the project through etc..." I wish I hadn't stayed as long as I did, she needed
to go pronto and I needed to focus on my work and my mental and physical health at the same time
I had no need to rush into dating either, I could have been single for a while and still been
happier and healthier than with the narcissist, instead I chose a vile and toxic relationship
which drained the life out of me...Once that project was over and the things got even worse
I finally walked away. Dating is subjective, taste is of course as well, I'm not saying it's easy
i'm not saying it's hard either... however all I know is dating and finding someone better suited for me
is much better and better a risk than settling. The hassle is not dating it really is staying
where you are and getting no enjoyment or fulfillment in your current predicament
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Of course maybe you never wanted to settle in the relationship... perhaps friends, family
society pressured you to. There's a guy I know who's an accomplished surgeon of Asian descent
he was pressured to get married and settle down... his work achievements, his personality, his charisma
everything about him was not important to his family and his parents. "You must marry a nice
Asian girl, give us grandchildren," insisted his demanding parents, but he was more open-minded he
wanted to date other women, but his family refused to entertain such a thought. They set him up with
someone eventually and threatened him to get on with it and get married by 30 or he'd be cut
out of their life! Begrudgingly he did so, he got engaged, then married to a woman he never loved
and a woman he had nothing in common with. As well the moment he tied the knot the family
came out again and said "we want children" and he did what he was told once more
A decade later this is what happened to this guy = his wife had many affairs, he had amassed
a mountain of debt, he lost his charm, charisma and now worked two jobs to support his family
"I settled because my parents told me so" he admitted, so defeated "look at me now I'm a
broken man, other external pressures can include the fear of being the only single person in your
friendship group or family social media ramming happy couples down your throat all the time
hollywood romances and so on and so forth, friends who are secretly settling themselves. This is your
life, not your parents, friends, societies etc. You are the captain of your fate, the master
of your destiny settling to make other people happy... if you think about it is absolutely insane
when are you finally going to take charge of your own life
The final reason why most people settle in relationships is because they're living in
complete denial of their circumstances. Here are some real world examples of this in action
A woman is married to a man who constantly and openly cheats on her with many affairs
and mistresses her denial "well he's married to me so he loves me deep down regardless"
A man is dating a woman who refuses to pay towards any costs and expenses in their home
but splurges on cash on herself, his denial "well i'm the man, I have to pay for everything, I guess"
A woman is in a relationship with a man who is nothing but selfish, toxic and immature, denial =
"We've been together for so long, loyalty and love trumps all...." When I was fighting constantly
with the narcissist in my toxic relationship and experiencing drama and issues, my denial was this
"I guess all couples fight and argue it's part of being in a relationship, I guess" Wake up and smell
the coffee... whatever denial and delusion you're feeding yourself and others around you. I don't
buy it...I'm sorry I woke up to the truth and reality of that situation and it sucked big time and
thanks to successfully and eventually coming out the other side of settling I can safely say denial
gets you nowhere... Take the rose tinted glasses off look at your situation properly seriously look and
evaluate it. Face the truth even if it hurts even if it realizes that you are settling...