-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching at home.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, it seems like
there's so much going on right now.
Everyone's gearing up for the midterms.
The World Series is heating up.
The top-10 songs in the country are all by Taylor Swift.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Also, Stouffer's is releasing its own Bloody Mary mix
that tastes like lasagna.
There's a lot to go over.
Let's just jump in and cover it all at once.
It's time for "News Smash."
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
First up, the midterms. They're less than a week away.
Republicans are trying to win back control of
the House and the Senate,
while the Democrats want to hold on to both.
Two sides going head-to-head, kind of like...
the World Series.
Tonight was Game 4 between the Phillies and the Astros.
Both teams are doing everything they can
to prove that they're the best in the country.
Speaking of the best in the country...
Taylor Swift.
She's the first artist
to hold all top-10 spots in the Billboard 100 at once.
That must feel good.
And if you want to feel good, too, maybe don't try...
Stouffer's new lasagna-flavored Bloody Mary mix.
It's vodka mixed with lasagna,
topped with a rim of shredded mozzarella.
It's the perfect drink for anyone who wants to black out
and forget all about...
the midterms.
It's a stressful time.
President Biden has been touring the country
trying to rally support for Democrats,
but the only tour most people care about is...
Taylor's.
She announced her Eras Tour this week.
Tickets aren't available yet,
but Swifties are losing their minds,
foaming at the mouth,
which are also side effects when you drink...
Stouffer's lasagna-flavored Bloody Mary mix.
Look at this thing. It's like a lasagna smoothie.
It's like a V8 from hell.
If you drink one of these, you might get the...
runs.
You need runs if you want to win.
Philly's going to go nuts if they win, by the way.
Police are already racing to grease up light poles.
Speaking of races and polls...
the midterms.
Dr. Oz is running for office in Pennsylvania,
and you'll be in a doctor's office
after drinking...
alcoholic lasagna.
In conclusion...
here we go...
time to vote...
what a show...
just no.
This has been a "News Smash."
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
Well, speaking of the midterms and the World Series,
yesterday, during a speech, President Biden
said that Phillies fans
are the most obnoxious fans in the world.
Yeah. Meanwhile, Jill was like,
"Uh, Joe, is there something you want to tell me or..."
And this was big.
Tonight, Biden delivered a prime-time speech
from Capitol Hill about the midterm elections
and said it could take several days
for all of the votes to be counted in some swing states.
And, unfortunately, after these past two years,
every state is a swing state.
Yeah, a lot of experts are predicting
a red wave on election day.
And you can tell Biden is nervous,
because he already hired Rudy Giuliani
to challenge the results.
Well, everyone's talking about the midterms,
and a lot of races are coming down to the wire.
Let me explain it all to you with the "Midterms in Pictures."
Here we go.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
The midterm elections are next Tuesday.
We're going to find out if Congress is going
red, blue, or a...
different color altogether.
After months of campaigning, voters are...
tired and cranky.
Watching commercial after commercial has driven them
completely...
insane.
At this point, they'd be fine if every candidate just...
disappeared.
But the election is important for our democracy,
for our future, and for...
millions of kids.
Now, of course, not everyone can win.
The losers will have to take it on the...
chin and get sent away on an...
involuntary vacation.
Meanwhile, the winners will feel great until
their poll numbers start to...
slide down.
The important thing is that everyone votes
no matter what state you live in,
because voting is the best thing about America since it was...
born in 1776.
That was "Midterms in Pictures."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, listen to this.
According to prosecutors,
after storming the Capitol on January 6th,
a group of rioters spent over $400 at the Olive Garden.
That explains why they changed their slogan to...
Switching gears. Did you guys see this?
Adele just revealed that her name
is actually pronounced "A-Dale."
Adele's name is pronounced "A-Dale."
Or As her fans put it, "A-no."
They're sticking with Adele. That's right.
Adele's name is pronounced A-Dale.
I had no idea. Did you guys know that?
-[ Scoffs ] Of course I knew that.
I never mispronounce any celebrity names.
Come on. Give me any celebrity name.
-Okay, I guess I can test you real quick.
I mean, who's this?
-Oh, that's easy. Michael B'Jordan.
-Okay. Who's this?
-Disney Chanel. Come on. Give me some harder ones, man.
Rapid-fire me. Come on.
-Okay, I'm not sure this is a great idea, but here we go.
Who's this?
-Okay. Hug My Aunt.
Buns of Steel.
Gluten-free Mozzarella.
Macaroni and Cheese.
Oh, Moderna Pfizer.
Jake Gylla-Pudding Pops
and his sister, Maggie Goo Goo Dolls.
-Wait. Why would their names be pronounced differently?
-Well, it's like "Roozevelt" and Roosevelt, you know?
Come on. Keep 'em coming. -Alright, what about her?
-Okay. Hilarious Spanx.
Penis Quaalude.
Oh, Anus and Arms.
Colon Fart. -Alright, I think that's enough.
Thank you very much. I appreciate -- Thank you.
Thank you. No, that's good. Steve Higgins, everybody.
That's more than -- Thank you.
-Adele.
-Well, here's some fun news.
This year's Rockefeller Center Christmas tree
has been selected.
Yep. [ Cheers and applause ]
The tree is moving from the suburbs to the big city.
Right now, its parents are telling it
to always carry its wallet in its front pocket.
That's right -- the tree is a Norway spruce
that's 50 feet wide and 82 feet tall.
Although, it put 85 feet tall on its Timber profile.
There you go.
And, finally, it's time for -- Yeah, Timber, yeah.
It's time for our latest installment
of "Tonight Show Polls."
Here we go, everybody.
-♪ "Tonight Show" ♪
♪ Polls ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now, this first poll asked...
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
This next poll asked...
[ Laughter and applause ] -Wow!
-Wow. This next one asked...
[ Laughter and applause ]
This next poll asked...
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Rimshot ]
-Come on! -This next poll asked...
[ Laughter and applause ]
What? -What? 80%?!
-Yeah, 80%. -80%?
-80% said they do that. -Wow.
That's how they eat it? Sideways?
-Yeah. This next poll asked...
[ Laughter and applause ] Thank you.
This next poll asked...
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
This last one asked...