Hey there it's clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to be talking about
why your ex is checking on you following you, um, keeping tabs on you, either online, maybe in real
life. Maybe they're just sending you messages to see what's going on. Maybe they're just following
you on, you know, Facebook, Instagram, some other social media platform. Just trying to see
what's going on with you. We're going to get into this. This can be kind of confusing,
especially if you know, they're not talking to you, they seem to be moved on because they're
in some sort of rebound relationship or something like that. Like why would they check on you? Even
if they won't talk to you? So stick around because we're going to be talking about some
strange ways, especially this last one, uh, that this all starts to make sense here.
The first reason that they might be doing this because they love you, right? Um,
obviously if they are loving you and they, you know, have a lot of strong feelings for you,
they're going to want to check on you. They're going to be curious about what's
going on and they're just going to want to see how you're doing, because they are constantly having
feelings about you. I know that many people don't really get this, especially if they're Xs, Hey,
I've moved on. Hey, I feel nothing. Um, Hey, I'm in this rebound relationship or whatever,
but your ex you can definitely still have feelings for you, even if they are saying that they don't,
even if they are saying that they moved on completely. Even if they're saying all of that
stuff is happening, because of course there is a very big difference between what someone says
versus what they're actually feeling, right? And there's a lot of reasons why people might feel
compelled to make it seem a certain way, even though that's not how they feel at all. Um,
the second reason that they might be checking on you is simply because they're curious,
you know, again, the two of you probably spent a good chunk of time together while the two of
you were together. You know, if you had a very long-term relationship that lasted several years,
decades, something like that. Then of course, the two of you have intertwined lives. They're
used to turning towards you and saying like, Hey, this is how my day went. Hey,
how are things with you? Right. And so they're probably naturally a little bit curious about
where you're at and they're naturally wanting to know what's going on with you, right?
The third reason that your ex might be checking on you is
honestly because they regret the breakup. Now many times your ex may not just come right
out and say, Hey, I made a big mistake. I regret the breakup. Or there could be
lots of things that could keep them from coming forward and admitting this like pride
stubbornness, things like that. Many times I've gone through this many times with clients
where their, their ex has in some way, painted themselves into a corner where it's like, oh,
okay. I painted myself into some sort of corner. I've said, I never want to talk to you again. I
said, it's over for good or something like that. Clearly that's not how I feel now that you know,
the emotion has passed, but, uh, I don't know how to get out of this because my pride, my ego, my
stubbornness, my whatever, is in the way. And it's preventing me from saying, Hey, I miss you.
Right. Um, but it is very possible that your ex may regret the breakup. You know,
many times people do have, as they call it, grass is greener syndrome where they say, okay, this,
this relationship isn't working for me. I'd be, I'd be better off single. I'd be better off in a
relationship with another person. I'd be better off, uh, doing XYZ instead. And then they do it
and they find out, oh, it's not perfect. It's not this like unending a euphoria that oh, has
opened up to me. Right. That's just one of the things about life, you know, no matter
what you do there you are. Right. So unless you're willing to actually go through some sort of, um,
internal shift in terms of how you perceive the world, how you relate to life and all of that
stuff, you're gonna probably feel the same things as you go about, uh, changing external things.
I mean, again, don't get me wrong. There's definitely people that are in unhealthy toxic
relationships that should probably be out of those relationships, um, or situations. But,
you know, if you have a hard time making friends, if you go to another city because you hear people
are more friendly there, you're probably still going to have a hard time making friends, because
what's the one common denominator you, right. Or in this case, maybe your ex.
So, um, you know, if your ex made some sort of big change, because they just thought some sort
of external thing might somehow, um, open up unending pleasure and happiness to them,
um, they may actually be regretting the breakup because it's just part of human nature
to find something, to be happy about, no matter what your circumstances are,
and to find something to be miserable about, no matter what your circumstances are.
I mean, I really got this when I read the book man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl,
of course, you know, famous concentration camp survivor, you hear about his experience
in the concentration camp. And, um, you know, of course there's a lot of terrible things going on,
but despite that, you know, there were small moments in time when, when he actually felt
happy and joy, um, in his day-to-day life, whether it's when he got like an extra,
uh, scoop straight from the bottom, uh, full of lots of like, you know, chunks and vegetables and
things like that, of, of soup that they were given on a daily basis, or whether, um, you know, he
was doing the exercises and stuff like that. And there were people around him to kind of block the
wind. So he was a little bit warmer. There were little things that caused him to feel good.
And of course there are countless things that can cause people to feel bad. I mean, I think
that probably most of us watching this video, um, are hopefully, uh, in, in a better situation than
Viktor Frankl was in. And we have countless things that we can feel bad about. My phone is, is, is,
is not the newest model or, um, you know, oh my goodness. Uh, this, this thing that I had was sub
excellent or something like that. Right. And so it's all a matter of perception. Um, but anyway,
that's, that's, uh, that's a conversation for another day, by the way. So we're going to about
to get into the, the really interesting one about why your ex checks in on you, you know, before
we go ahead and do that, if you want to help me out, if you like these videos that we do for this
channel hit that thumbs up button for the YouTube algorithm, it does help us out. And, um, you know,
if you do want to, uh, work with us, we do have coaching options. You can find that over at modern
love.life/coaching, there's also a link to it in the description box below this video. So please
feel free to check that out. Um, okay. So when it comes to the kind of weird
Reason why your ex might check on you, um, it's because oftentimes after a breakup, we feel this,
uh, compulsive urge this almost a need to be in competition with our ex this is for the most part
coming from a societal pressure of like, okay, you know, you have broken up with your ex or your ex
has broken up with you now, boom, let's go, let's see, you can have the better life first. Let's
see who can get into a relationship first. So let's see who can seem like it's hap who they're
happier first let's seem who, uh, who can seem like their life is like picture perfect. First,
there is this sort of competitive spirit that often arises. And I think I, you know,
I think it's not, uh, justified, and I don't think we need to do this, but
for whatever reason, people feel compelled to have this sort of competitive nature with their ex.
Um, so your ex may be checking in on you, uh, checking your social media profiles or whatever,
just to see where you're at to see you like, Hey, are you, um, better off than I am? Am I better
off than you are? Where are we relative to one another? Um, and I mean, of course I think this
is all completely stupid, but it, it is the case and it is how a lot of people do this. Um, and of
course, even if you're checking in on your acts or they're checking in on you online on social media
stuff, and you're comparing yourselves to one another, just know that social media is a very
curated view of someone's life. Okay. You're not going to hear about how they stayed up all night
crying or how they have doubts about this or how they have a second thoughts about that.
You're just going to see, oh, look at me, I'm on this amazing, wonderful vacation. Oh, look at me.
I have this perfect, amazing rebound relationship, nevermind the fact that we fought all night
last night or that I can't trust them. Um, but whatever. Um, but you know, Hey, look, there's
this nice photo of us together on a nice day at the beach or something. That's how people present
themselves when it comes to social media. So if you are kind of stuck in this comparison, um,
you know, thing going on with, between you and your ex, just know that you're only looking at
a highly curated version of their life, and you're not seeing the full picture. Now,
like I said before, I don't think that this whole competitive way that we view things
between us and our acts is a healthy sort of thing. Obviously it's very symptomatic of
the two of you not being on the same team. We've talked about that in previous videos and
how it's, you know, one of the main reasons why a relationship struggle, why they break up, um, and
it needs to be sort of mended before the two of you actually can, uh, have a healthy relationship
with one another. So, I mean, ju just, just opt out of this game, because if you do want to save
your relationship with your ex, um, being on opposite teams and competing with one another,
isn't going to set you up, have a great dynamic with one another, and it's not going to
set you up to, to work together. And I would recommend trying to also enroll your ex into
this as well too. If the two of you are able to communicate or when the two of you are
able to communicate, um, yeah. Do what you can do to enroll them into the same team, such as through
a same team conversation. Um, that's something that we do talk about inside of our courses,
like, um, effortless connection also in coaching, all that sort of stuff. But yeah, this is a while
your ex checks on you. If you did like this video, once again, hit that thumbs up button, subscribe
to the channel, or, you know, click some links down in the description box below if you want
to work together. Anyway, thanks so much. Take care. And I'll talk to you in the next one.