So we have a confession today.
Ooo, boy.
It might be our most shocking confession ever. Zander And I are fans of The Bachelor.
Oh my God.
So, a few years back, we started watching it and it's one of our not so guilty pleasures
because we refuse to be guilty about things that bring us pleasure.
It brings us a lot to talk about on YouTube, on Instagram.
So yes, we love The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Bachelor In Paradise, all the crappy spinoffs
that they have.
I think I prefer Bachelor In Paradise.
It actually is the best. It's the worst. So it's the best.
Yeah.
So that being said, we also want to fully acknowledge, it is not a good show.
Oh, no, it's not.
And it reinforces so many bad, outdated, and just plain wrong stereotypes about love, sex,
relationships, gender, people. It's a terrible show. It's also incredibly problematic when
it comes to issues of gender and race. So we just want to lay all that out there. We
are not saying this is a good show. But, it's an entertaining one to watch. Definitely brings
up a lot of stuff. So we know that the upcoming season of The Bachelorette is about to launch.
So today we're going to switch things up a little bit from what we usually do. And we
are going to react to some of The Bachelor's steamiest scenes.
Oh boy. So before we get started, if you're new here, then hello, we are Vanessa and Zander
Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years.
And this is a very weird introduction to our channel. So please hang around and watch another
video or two.
Yeah, stick with it.
Because our account really is all about giving you the tools that you need to create an extraordinary
relationship inside of the bedroom and out.
Whether you watch The Bachelor or not.
Exactly. So if you're looking for that little entertainment on the side, just go ahead and
hit that subscribe button. It really helps us so much to help our account grow. So let's
talk about The Bachelor. The Bachelor does not have a very good history of depicting
sex in a realistic or healthy way.
Have you ever been to a fantasy suite? First question? Probably not.
It's brought up so many different issues. They've talked about virginity. There's been
slut-shaming. There's talking about orgasms. So while the depictions are pretty bad, at
least it's giving us this opportunity to talk about a lot of these topics. So we have rounded
up some of The Bachelor's most shocking, shocking ever, sex scenes, and we are going to watch
them with you and share our reactions.
Can't wait.
I'm still a virgin.
Okay.
And what I am assuming happens in fantasy suites, I just want to know what the expectations
are.
Are you saying you're worried about being intimate with Becca?
Okay. So this is a very cringy scene. But I have to acknowledge, first of all, for sure,
the producers made him do this. He would never actually ask Chris Harrison for advice.
I don't know. He worded it, Chris Harrison, tell me what you are expecting me to do.
Also, I have to point out that Colton came out of the closet, which we are super, super
excited for him for. Way to live your truth, Colton.
Go Colton.
So I can understand the nervousness that he might've felt going into this. Feeling like
I don't want to be having sex with a woman.
Yeah. Sorry, Colton.
I also want to say, I'm really glad that they had Colton on this season. And I'm so thankful
to him for being honest about being a virgin. I can not imagine how challenging that must've
been for him. I know he got a lot of crap for it. But, I'm so glad that he was willing
to be that brave and honest about it because, the truth is, that there are so many more
later in life virgins than most people realize. So people are waiting later and later to have
sex these days. I've regularly worked with people who were virgins in their twenties,
thirties, forties, fifties, beyond even. So I just want to normalize. There are plenty
of people who are later in life virgins. It doesn't say anything about you. We're giggling
at this scene because it's so awkward and obviously very staged. But, we're not giggling
about being a later in life virgin because that is totally normal and cool.
Yeah. So be like Colton. Acknowledge what is going on for you. Voice those fears. And
like Chris Harrison said, talk about what the expectations are. It doesn't have to be
a certain way. It's totally fine to talk to your partner, the person that you're thinking
about having sex with. Or before a certain date or a trip or something. And just be like,
"Hey, what do we want to do? What are the expectations?"
Or just trying to message Chris Harrison and ask him what the expectations are.
Yeah, that always works, too.
You want to go back to my hotel and hang out for a bit?
I never want this to end.
I know.
So I remember watching this when it aired and I believe that she was the first bachelorette
to ever acknowledge having sex with a contestant, openly. Especially, before the fantasy suite
dates. And I remember watching it at the time and just being so excited that she was talking
about it openly. I think that she was pretty unashamed about it. She said, Yeah. We have
good chemistry. I wanted to explore it. This happened.
Just like you would on a normal date.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). I do remember her getting a ton of slut-shaming about this which is
obviously ridiculous. We are not ever going to support anything like that.
Yeah. If we flip the genders in that, if he were the bachelor, would he be getting shamed
for that? It would be like, "Oh yeah. He went off and had sex with her. Good for him."
Yeah. That was.. What do you think about them? Just recording the door.
The audio?
The audio. Why is the camera guy just in the room, continuing to record.
Have you seen The Bachelor?
No, but they usually close the door and then they go away and they let them have their
privacy.
Well, they were behind a closed door. He was in the suite part of the room and then they
were in the bedroom. So there was a closed door. They maybe were mic'ed up or... It's
their job to get the shot.
To make these steamy moments.
But I mean, honestly, what happened there is much more realistic. That's what happens
in a real life date. Say you've been on a couple of dates with someone, you have a really
good night. You don't want the fun to end. You go home and have sex. Nothing wrong with
that. So what would be wrong with it in the context of The Bachelor?
Exactly. This was an earlier season. I don't remember
too much about Courtney. I remember she was terrible. I mean, she was set up to be the
classic villain. And I think there was a lot of slut-shaming of her for this. There were
women watching from the shore, watching what was going on, getting really upset with her.
But I'm like, you know what, get it girl. You guys are enjoying each other, having a
little fun time in the ocean. That being said, we've got to clear up sex in the water?
Sex in the water doesn't really work. It's really hard to do. You get dry and uncomfortable.
That being said, we've got to clear up one thing, sex in the water.
It's not very easy. It's probably hard. It's hard to get proper lubrication because the
water washes the natural lubrication away.
Especially salt water.
Yeah, salt water. There's probably bacteria. Who knows? Not the best call.
Floating around.
Yeah. Well maybe that's why it was only just the tip. We'll see.
And you can't get any leverage either. You can just sort of pull your... Especially if
you're in the ocean.
Yeah. It's not even like they're in a pool where they could be against the wall.
Yeah. So probably not the most fun 20 seconds of time. But, hey.
Also, I assume zero protection because I did not see anyone bring a condom into the ocean.
He's running into the ocean with it.
Yeah. Who knows what their circumstances are. However, you're on a show with 20 other women
who are presumably going to be having sex with him too. I would say probably not the
safest thing to do.
Bachelor, let's see some more discussions of protection. I did hear, I read some sort
of behind the scenes thing from a producer that said that they do make sure the fantasy
suites are stocked with condoms. So I'm glad they do that. But like, it would be nice to
get a little shot of a condom. Just to normalize. Hey, we all need to keep ourselves safe and
protect ourselves.
Yeah. I'm actually surprised that Trojan does not sponsor The Bachelor.
Idea.
You're going to sit on his lap.
Okay. I'm so glad that The Bachelor never called me up and asked me to help do one of
their sexy dates because every single one that I have seen is cringe worthy. I don't
know who these people are. I feel so bad for them because probably the producers set everything
up.
They're probably actors. They're probably not actually professionals.
Yeah. But, some of these dates are really bad. On the one hand, I'm glad that they're
trying to incorporate more sexuality and sensuality into the show and help people push their comfort
zones a little bit. But, it's just so hard to do it in this really overly produced setup
where there's cameras around, there's tons of people. Maybe if you were a one-on-one
in a class with this teacher doing something like this, it could be sensual or interesting.
My vagine is platinum.
Oh my God. Wow. I forgot about this one.
I did too.
It just makes me die inside a little bit.
Corrine was kind of amazing. I mean, she was so ridiculous. So obviously going for the
villain role. It was so obviously set up in that way. But, for her to have that level
of confidence in herself and just be like owning it, her sexuality, knowing her worth,
I love it.
At the same time, do you think that perhaps she's just watched a lot of movies and this
is what she thinks that men want to hear?
I don't know, maybe.
I don't want to have sex with a platinum vagina.
Also, problem with platinum vagine, too. I think what she's really referring to is her
vulva.
Yeah.
So let's call it the right thing. Although, she could have been talking about vagine,
about penetration.
Who knows? Maybe she knew more than we're giving her credit.
I do see a little bit more of your point about...
Supports my argument, I think.
I do think that.
She has an idea of what she thinks that people want.
What she thinks men want, in particular.
Yeah, men, sorry. Or what she thinks other women on The Bachelor do not want.
Exactly. So who knows. Corrine's the only one who knows what her motivations are and
her own relationship with her sexuality. But, I think, if she was coming from a place of
this feels good, this is what I like doing. This is how I like interacting. Go for her.
If she feels like she had to do that to make him interested in her or make good scenes
on reality TV, then that's a bummer.
Yeah.
Those dolls are kind of creepy.
After our talk tonight, I feel so good.
Okay, so this wasn't a sex scene, but we had to include it because this definitely goes
down as my favorite bachelor kiss moment of all time.
Is it not weird, though, that they look in a window and there's obviously something kind
of weird in there. She's like, "That's kind of creepy." And then he pins her against the
wall and kisses her. Is that not a little weird?
I knew it was coming so I didn't even pay attention to what she was saying. It just
the pin against the wall. It's so seductive. He's got his hand in her hair. He's obviously
a very, just soft and sensual kisser. I mean, I'm into it. I think Ari was the best kisser
that this show has ever seen.
I think you might be leaning on his kissing a bit much because it didn't really seem like
that hot of a moment. Like, ooh, there's something weird in that window. Woop, kiss.
I don't care. It was hot.
But, I need to remind you of two things.
Okay.
One, I've only been with one person.
Okay.
And I just want you to keep that on your mind.
I've kept in mind.
The second thing is, that my last boyfriend, my ex, that I was intimate with, never made
me orgasm. Lost for words?
Yeah.
Okay. I love this. I was so freaking happy to see this scene. I think I remember screaming
when I saw it. Because, first of all, I just appreciate that she was so just open and honest,
talking about sex with him. She just put everything out there. She didn't say it in a way where
she seemed embarrassed or ashamed. She's just like, "Hey, just so you know, I want to make
sure you know this." So telling him about her experience and then, in particular, about
orgasm. I thought it was so great that she could just set those expectations. Talk about
it openly. The only little quibble that I had with this scene is that she talks about
my last partner never made me orgasm.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
Exactly. And so if you have followed any of our orgasm content before, we have a ton of
it. We'll put some links down below. But if you followed any of it, you probably have
heard us say that we think it's so important for women to learn how to make themselves
orgasm first, before they orgasm with a partner. And we don't like to think of it as your partner
giving you an orgasm. We like to think that it's each person's responsibility to take
ownership of their own orgasm. Know what makes their body work. Be willing to give their
body what it needs and be willing to communicate their needs to a partner. But ultimately,
it's you giving yourself an orgasm with your partner.
Yeah. If we perpetuate this idea that it is the partner's job or the man's job to make
her orgasm, then it just creates this dynamic where men feel like there's a right way, there's
a specific way, to make someone orgasm. And the reality is, every woman's body is different.
Every woman requires different type of stimulation, different things. And so when everyone's coming
at it from the perspective like, "Oh yeah, I made this one person orgasm so therefore
I just do the same thing and everything's going to work." It's generally going to result
in a bad time for everyone.
Some of the women have been giving me a hard time about kissing with my eyes open. But,
eye contact is a really big thing for me.
Oh, these are hard to watch. I don't know. There's something so... He says in the interview,
"I don't know. I just thought that's how you kiss." I don't want to shame anybody for kissing
or doing anything sex related in a certain way. But there is something really funny about
just having your eyes totally open the whole time.
I will say sometimes I just open my eyes for a second when we're kissing and I find Vanessa
staring at me. And it's pretty funny.
I just take a peak. Just sneak a peak and you close your eyes again.
It's an occasional occurrence. But yeah, it's funny if you think about it. Where did we
learn that you're supposed to close your eyes when you kiss? I think it's really from movies.
And it's probably those teen movies where you go in for the kiss and close your eyes
comically early.
Two feet away.
Yeah.
I have had sex. And, honestly, Jesus still loves me. I fucked in a windmill. And, guess
what? We did it a second time.
You know what? Get it, Hannah.
Get it girl.
Yeah. Peter was so hot. They obviously had great chemistry together. So it was really
interesting to see her because she's this Southern Belle. They present her as being
a little bit more traditional and conservative. And so I was really glad to see her just go
with what she wanted in the moment and be intimate with him and have a great time. Sounds
like they really enjoyed themselves in that windmill. So I'm always glad to see women
talking about their sexuality, their desire, openly and honestly. Not feeling any shame.
I love that she put Luke in his place for trying to make her feel bad about it. She
had a great time. There's nothing for her to feel ashamed of.
Yeah, because real life is not set up like The Bachelor. It's not like you have all of
these awkward group dates. And then all of a sudden, one random day. Isn't it after you've
met the parents, then you get a fantasy suite? And it's like, that's the one acceptable time
to have sex. That is not how real life works. So when you're feeling it, you're feeling
it. And sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
In a windmill.
So that wraps up our video on The Bachelor's steamiest scenes. If you liked this video,
please give it a like. Hit that red button and subscribe to our YouTube channel and click
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And we have a free gift for you. If watching all these clips got you kind of excited about
maybe trying some new things in the bedroom, exploring a little bit more, you're definitely
going to want to check out our free guide all about the 11 sex personality types. So
just like we have these stereotypical types and roles in The Bachelor, we also have 11
sex personality types that we've come up with. So it's like the Zodiac of sex. It will give
you a ton of insight into what you're looking for in the bedroom, what your partner is looking
for, how your types fit together. So we'll include a link to that down in the description
box below. Thanks so much for watching.
See you next time.