- [Man On left] Today, Martin and I
are gonna try martinis.
A martini is gin and vermouth?
- [Martin] No idea.
- [Man On left] Okay.
- [Martin] I don't ask these questions.
(laughter)
I just say, martini sounds a bit like my name.
Yes, please.
(both laughing)
(spy theme music)
(gunshot)
- [Clisare] Is that the one that James Bond
wants shaken not stirred?
- [Damon] Are you shaking or stirring them?
- [Martin] Ooh.
- [Damon] That's important
- [Donal] Martini, shaken and stirred.
- [Laura] Oh, they don't say, "shaken or stirred."
They say, "shaken not stirred."
- Yeah, I know.
But if you shake it--
I think you should just say, "I'll have it shaken."
I don't think there's much point
in just saying, "don't stir it."
Cause if it's shaken, why would you stir it?
- But then
(laughter)
(spy theme music)
- [Clisare] These fancy-schmancy glasses.
- [Laura] Oh goodness, Colin!
- Colin Regan.
- Oh, you've made an effort.
- Oh, look at that!
- So, it's a dry martini.
I actually have heard of a dry martini,
I just forgot they existed.
- Is it shaken not stirred?
- [Off Camera man] Stirred.
- Not shaken.
- So it's stirred, not shaken.
That's what 006 would have.
My arch nemesis.
(laughter)
- Do you do it like this, or do you do it like this?
- I do one of these.
- You do one of these?
- But you'd look very smug.
You're at the captain's ball.
- Kill her!
(laughter)
- [Donal] Hell's horses.
I like it.
- Oh. - Oh?
- Oh, it's incredible.
(laughs)
- Jesus, that's strong.
- Ooh, it's giving me a little Christmas taste.
What's that?
- This is great.
- It warms you, right where it needs to.
- It does.
Ah!
- Are you a gambler?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
(laughter)
- What are you talking about?
- You're like, "I don't know if I should admit this."
- [Man Off Camera] This is, eh, gin...
- [Both] Mm-hmm.
- [Man Off Camera] Vermouth...
- [Clisare] Mm.
- [Man Off Camera] Bitters...
- [Fiona] Ah.
- [Man Off Camera] And, eh, lemon.
- [Fiona] And Christmas.
You look deeply troubled.
- And I normally like sour stuff.
I just--
(gags)
- I feel like it's more dry than sour though.
- [Donal] How could you drink this
and then go on a spy mission?
"Money penny..."
(makes gunshot sound)
(laughter)
I'm sorry.
- But you'd feel so like so fucking, like, smart though.
- Oh, you would.
Yeah, maybe that's what he'd do, is he just has, like, two,
and he is like, "I'm gonna, ace this mission."
- It's liquid courage.
- Yeah there ya go.
- That's what he's doing.
- I feel like you're disrespecting it by wearing a cap.
It feels like I'm living in a mansion.
I've given the plumber a martini.
(laughter)
- Not all of us can dress like Mr. Rogers,
who's not allowed near kids.
(spy theme music)
- [Off Camera Man] This is a dirty martini.
- There you go, now you're dead fucking right.
- That's what you want?
- How dirty are we talking here?
- How dirty is it?
- [Off Camera Man] Depends on what you like.
- The smell of it is disgusting, I'm not gonna lie.
- It smells like an odd jobs's hat.
- Does it got olive juice in it?
Is that-- I'm scared.
Okay.
- It stinks.
- Hey-ho.
- Well, come on.
- It's very nice.
- Come on.
(gags)
- It's actually alright.
- No.
- Oh, that does not fill me with confidence.
That's not very nice.
- You're making me do it again?
It's a 10 outta 10.
Tell me what's the--
Have you had anything like this before?
- Yes.
- Oh.
- When I first jump into a public pool,
and that chlorine hits your mouth...
- Yeah.
- for that first second on a warm day.
That's what it tastes like to me.
- Now imagine that, with an olive.
- No, God.
(gags)
Oh, fuck, Jesus Christ, that was awful.
- It's very oily.
- It tastes like sweat
- Is that what olives taste like?
It does taste like sweat!
- Mixed with ear wax.
- Could I get a jar of olives
and then pour some gin and vermouth into that,
and then just drink it that way?
- You could do that.
- I might.
- I've lost many weekends.
I lost access to my son because of that.
That's crazy, that,
because people don't think you're drinking then.
People just think, "Oh, he's just drinking olives."
- Just drinking olives.
- What a cool guy.
He's just drinking a jar of olives.
- [Off Camera Man] Is that a step up or step down?
- A step down.
- Step down, step down.
- Step down to bits.
- Yeah.
All right, I'm gonna put this away,
cause if I drink anymore, I'll probably vomit.
- What I like in my drinks is
I like to taste the alcohol and know I'm drinking alcohol.
I don't want to just drink fuckin' somebody's sweat.
You're dead right, and that's what that tastes like.
You should definitely be a flavor describer as your job.
- Thank you
- The dirtiest of martinis.
- What would you give it, out of 10?
- Do I choose friendship, or do I choose honesty?
If I said nine and a half...
- Oh--
- Hypothetically.
- Yeah. I'll stab you in the eye with this.
- Okay, I guess it's a 10.
- Thank you.
(spy theme music)
- All right, I didn't know.
- This is like a, like the first one all over again.
- I think you messed it up.
- What's up?
- You gave us the first one again.
- Yeah, this looks very similar to the first one.
- It smells like pancakes.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh, not nearly as nice.
- Oh that's different.
- It's a different flavor.
You feel it on your tongue.
- No, I didn't ask you.
It's like disappointing women out for a good time.
It just, I just love drinking and this is like
I don't love drinking this.
- Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.
- Oh, it needs more lemon juice.
That's what I'm thinking.
- Okay.
- God, I'm so weak.
I can really squeeze this lemon.
I've just been eating fucking whatever the Try Channel
has been giving me the past four months.
Gummy bears and fucking fruit
- This would be the beginning of a long night, I feel.
I feel if I had this, I'd be like, well we've started.
We're just gonna keep going.
- Gin is a night of cuddles.
Vodka is, it's pulled a rope over and went,
"What do you think?"
- Yeah.
- It's definitely better than the olive boy.
- Oh yeah.
- That was a dark time in our history.
- Yeah.
- Imagine if James Bond and everything is like
shaken not stirred.
- Doesn't he like, he grabs the lemon starts make himself.
God, that's such that bullshit, he's like
"Mm, delicious."
- I know, you like
Especially because you're in a mission.
- You're on a mission.
- You can't be drinking.
- He was like, oh!
Woo!
- Wooo!
- Woo, we are getting luck tonight Money Penny
Woo!
- Vodka martini.
- Oh, here we go.
- What would you give it?
- Oh, well if you're having it
at the right time in the right place, it's a 10.
- Oh
- Is this the right time, right place?
- I'm not sure anymore.
- Okay (laughter)
- Many, many have tried to argue with the tenses
But they underestimate how stubborn I can be.
- Yeah, yeah.
You've got one bit.
- That's what I'm saying.
The pressure's on now, Sean
to give us some martini that makes us realize actually,
martinis aren't all bitter.
(spy theme music)
- That smells lovely.
Smell that.
Now, if you were hoping for a bit of sweet.
- Yeah, it smells limey.
- Someone piss in my martini or something?
- This smells amazing by the way.
- A hint of vanilla.
Is that a bit of vanilla?
- Oh my God, please be vanilla vodka.
- Sean, don't be giving us an nothing.
- [Sean] This is a Pornstar martini.
- Oh, okay.
So did you stir it with your genitals?
- Woo wee! (inaudible)
- To the girls!
Yeah.
- And the men with the willies.
Come on
- With the willies.
- I'll tell you what that is.
That's vanilla vodka and,
- Oh, that's nice.
- Love a Pornstar martini, always have.
Anytime you go out with cockies with the girls, you know
always have a Pornstar martini.
- Now you're, now you're getting there.
- Now I'm a martini girl.
- Mm, mm
- Cause I could definitely fuck with this I might add.
- There is more flavor to this than say, the vodka martini.
Well, they do say that it, if you consume the fruit juices
your sexual juices will take on that flavor.
- Oh really?
So maybe that's why it's called a Pornstar because
- I drink a lot of gravy.
- We can tell.
(laughter)
- Whenever you cry the air smells like a Christmas roast
- Loads of alcohol in it.
- Oh, its so amazing.
- Imagine James Bond ordered Pornstar martinis.
"Pornstar martini, please?"
I think James Bond would be more preferable
if he was just like "Give me a straight vodka"
I've got a lot of killing to do today.
- And I don't want to remember it.
- How does it compare to the last three?
- This is literally in a different section,
it's like it's not even the same
- But, you're asking her compare sweat juice and
- Yeah, something
- Not that
- Yeah.
- We've watered down the martini for the masses.
- That's true.
- If you're the man on the street.
They're like, ah, I need a little bit of help.
- Little bit of help.
I want, I don't wanna choke on an olive pit.
- I wanna clippo
- I want my semen to taste a bit nicer.
- I want it to feel like my semen is on holiday.
- Oh man, the lime juice is nice by the way
- Mm hmm
- I'm digging the lime juice.
- I don't mind eating limes by themselves.
- We do, but let's keep going.
Do you ever have the skin?
Delicious.
- Who am I, who am I?
- Here we go.
- Oh!
(inaudible)
- It's Donal trying to get in the thumbnail.
- Oh, I thought it was Fiona.
- Oh yeah, it's common mistake.
- Yeah, very easily mixed up.
- I think that I'm gonna be careful about what type
of martini I order.
Cause I don't like all of them.
- No, my favorite was Pornstar, but I feel like
I could drink more of either the dry or the lemony one.
- That was very strange too, cause it was like an open
- Like a roller coaster.
- It fluctuated like hell baby.
- Mm hmm
- It was like,
- Yeah, I loved the wrist action.
- I didn't even realize I was doing it.
I've been drinking too much.
- I mean, my 10 outta 10.
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(Burp)
Classy.