(gentle Christmas music)
("Silent Night")
- Hello, and welcome to us answering your rudest questions.
- Oh my gosh. - Yeah, I know.
All those questions that people start with,
"I don't want to be rude but."
- Oh yeah.
Do I get asked that?
It's more just like you that gets asked that.
I don't mean to be rude, but like,
do you always dress like that?
I don't mean to be rude but like--
- What's wrong with you? - Yeah.
Don't mean to be rude, but you don't sound deaf.
- Yeah, to be fair-- - What do people say to me?
- Well, we'll find out.
I asked people on Instagram.
Anyway, as I was saying, most of these questions
are fine and they're things that I'm quite happy answering.
Some of them, I'm going to blatantly ignore.
- Mm. - But, we'll see.
- I think it's good to encourage,
unless it's obviously being said from a bad place,
like a malicious place, or being rude or bullying,
questions should be encouraged because people don't realize
what they're asking is potentially wrong.
- Sure, no, no, but-- - Sure, whatever.
- No, no, I'm agreeing,
because also I have a YouTube channel
where I talk about disabilities, and chronic illness,
and LGBTQ+ things. - Yeah, yeah.
- And, being open with that is what I'm here for.
- We should all be, always be about openness,
because like, when you did that video of Ash, for instance.
- Yeah?
- They were like, yeah, no, I welcome more questions
even if like they seem a bit like un-PC,
or you know, it's the wrong terminology,
it's better, because then it gives you a chance
to educate someone, and the whole point
of them watching your channel
and asking you questions it is for that purpose.
So if you were to come to me like, (scoffing)
you just don't know anything,
I'm not gonna-- - Don't ask me questions.
- Yeah, exactly.
Then it's very close-minded.
- Indeed.
We're being open-minded and we're gonna dive straight in.
So. - "What's wrong with you?"
(both laughing)
- Wow. - Direct.
- I didn't expect that to be the first question we did.
- Very direct. - Yeah, okay.
- Who's that aimed at? - Wow.
- You, I'm guessing. - Well, I'm guessing me.
- Yeah.
- I mean what's wrong with you?
- I don't know. - Nothing, darling.
- I've asked myself that question.
- You're perfect. - Oh.
- Just the way you are.
- Thank you.
You're perfect too. - Aww.
- I mean a few from, apart from a few genetic flaws.
- Yeah, I have a thing called hereditary neuropathy
with liability to pressure palsies,
which is a neurological condition.
And I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome,
which is a connective tissue disorder.
It affects many things in my life.
(both laughing)
You know, I made a video called "My Disabilities",
but it's now incorrect. - Do you ever get--
- Should I just make another video?
- Do you ever get a bit like, when someone goes,
"What is wrong with you", just your heart just kinda sinks
a bit, 'cause you're like--
- Yeah. - Ugh.
You're like, I'm gonna have to go.
- You're like, okay, here we go.
- Yeah, yeah, and then they just like--
- I mean, you don't sound deaf.
Always the follow up!
You're like, yeah.
I have to say, most of these are actually really lovely.
- Okay.
- Which is very sweet.
Okay.
"I don't mean to be rude but why are you sick all the time?"
Because I have a chronic illness.
Well, yeah.
So, my disabilities that I have inherited,
the aforementioned ones, which maybe I'm now realizing
I should make just a little video about this,
like an obvious thing. - Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, they have associated symptoms which I class
as being chronically ill, because they essentially
make you unwell all the time. - Mm.
- Things like chronic fatigue, and chronic pain,
and the terrible immune system, those types of things.
- Yeah. I think--
- 'Cause I'm just always kind of ill.
- Having a chronic illness is pretty tough,
really, isn't it?
I bet as a child it is annoying.
You must ask yourself, "Why am I always sick all the time,"
if you were someone with chronic illness.
It's like, (sighing).
Most people will like, can get over it, you know?
The longest I was ill before was like two weeks.
- You're like, oh for God's sake, why?
Like, end. - I mean you have
your ups and downs, as well. - Oh yeah, totally.
I'm not saying I'm, well I'm always ill.
But I'm not always really bad.
Let's quantify, chronic illness, not the same all the time.
Generally changeable, which almost makes it worse.
Like if I just had a mild cold all the time,
I think that would be easier,
'cause I'd always have a mild cold.
That would just be my thing.
- Yeah, I guess being chronically ill,
and you're losing a lot of energy level all the time.
Your body has a lower immunity
because it's constantly having to fight.
- And repair itself. - And repair itself.
So then you're more likely to catch common colds.
- "I don't mean to be rude but,
"are you afraid of losing your sight
"since you're blind in one eye?
"Can you learn Braille?"
No, should I be?
- I'm just staring at you because I know that's not true.
You are afraid of that.
You're just trying to be brave.
- I told a lie!
I was brave and I told a lie.
Yes, of course I'm scared of that.
I'm very scared of that.
- Yeah, when you get a really bad migraine--
- Yeah. - And you can't open
your left eye, you get quite worried about it.
- My right eye. - Oh, yeah.
- The left one's blind. (both laughing)
- Okay.
- Yeah, I'm blind in this eye.
I get scared that this eye will go blind
from a migraine much like the other one did.
- Well, it's also because, yeah, you don't really know.
And, again, the doctors don't really know
why you suddenly lost your vision in that eye.
They're just like, "Hmm, that's very unusual."
- It's really great. - "It could happen
"to your other eye at any point,
"because we don't know why it happened to the other one."
That's pretty much
what they said. - Thanks.
Doctors are wonderful. - It's like, okay.
I mean, you could learn Braille at any time,
couldn't you, really?
- I don't think I could feel it.
- Oh!
I mean like could you learn Braille?
- Could one learn Braille? - I thought it was like--
I was like, anyone can learn Braille, I'm sure.
- Well I'm sure anyone could learn Braille.
- Yeah and maybe you couldn't.
Oh, you could feel it with your lips!
You've very, got tactile--
- That's true, that's true.
- I mean, that would be weird, though wouldn't it?
- One of these is--
- Just go up to like an elevator, be like. (humming)
(both laughing)
- Maybe we don't do that.
One of these questions is, "I don't mean to be rude,
"but how do you talk to Claudia in the dark?"
And that relates to the sensitivity
that we're talking about, because while I'm not gonna go
and rub my lips on her, left, in the night,
- You do rub your lips on me. - When it's dark,
you rub your lips on me,
so I can understand what she's saying.
So, she'll like talk into--
- I was gonna say and you rub your lips on me,
but I can hear what you say, so you don't need to do that.
Unless you're just being sensual.
- That's just-- (both laughing)
- That's for fun, that's just for fun.
- Family friendly, family friendly.
We don't need to be demonetized for Christmas.
- People just can kiss, we're a married couple!
- Oh yes, of course, sorry.
- Oh, what else were you talking about?
- Nothing. - Oh.
- So we communicate through Claudia talking,
into my skin, and it's like, have you ever played that game
in the dark where your friend draws
letters on you? - Yeah.
I used to love that. - It's a bit like that.
- I love like, wait, I don't like people doing my hair,
I don't like people doing my makeup,
but I love people like touching my skin, like--
- You love me touching your head.
You go to sleep every night--
- Yeah but that's like, okay,
like stroking. - Stroking your head.
- Yeah, that's true.
- I don't know what
you're talking about. - But that's you.
You're the only one I like touching my head in that way.
But I love massages and I used to love, well, I still love
that game where it's like you draw a word.
'Cause like, you know at sleepovers I'd be like,
draw a word on my back, and then I'd be like,
mm, I don't know, you have to do it again,
even though I clearly knew it said cat.
But anyway. (both laughing)
- So were you just getting girls to touch you?
- Family friendly. (Jessica laughing)
Moving on.
"I don't mean to be rude but why doesn't Claud wear makeup?"
- What like she should? - Is she saying I should?
(Jessica laughing)
Yeah, its kind of like what the hell, look at--
- I don't mean to be rude, Claudia,
but like, you need some foundation.
- I do wear makeup sometimes.
- You do. - I always wear it,
well, I often wear a little bit.
- Yeah, you just can't tell.
- I just wear subtle makeup. - Very naturally beautiful.
To be honest, you look exactly the same
when you put makeup on. - I just don't really feel
like me with lots of makeup on.
- "I don't mean to be rude but, why your and Claudia's
French is so bad?"
British school system. - Yeah.
- That's all I can tell you.
- Also, she's deaf, is she gonna, you know--
- Oh yeah, perfect excuse!
- And I'm not even fully English.
- Whoa, no, lady!
You cannot use that! - Okay.
Well I still, I struggle with the English language.
- I had to have-- - That's true.
- Speech therapy when I was younger.
And I still have like, issues with language.
Like, it's a bit like dyslexia
but like with spoken language.
I get the words mixed up, and its just,
I often like swap the letter from the,
one word to the next 'round.
- Yes, or, a word that is a similar thing,
like, potatoes and tomatoes.
So you'll say, "Can you pass me the potatoes?"
and you're pointing at some tomatoes.
- Oh yeah, no, I still do that yeah,
I used to get that really mixed up when I was little.
Potatoes, tomatoes, sausages,
for some reason, they're all one thing.
- It's much worse when you're tired.
- I don't know why they're all breakfast, brunch things.
(Jessica laughing)
- "I don't mean to be rude, but is it hard
"using the bathroom with your disability?"
Actually, people ask me this a lot.
Yeah. - I would say yeah,
with the disability of like humongous petticoats,
it is quite a bit-- (Jessica laughing)
- Sometimes you can't even get through
in those tiny cubicles, it's just like.
- (laughing) That's true, that's true!
I have to squeeze around the door.
But in terms of my other disabilities, yeah.
I mean, I paralyzed my arms for a year and a half.
So, going to the toilet was a fun experience.
- Mm.
I mean, I'm just agreeing, I wasn't there at the time.
- No, no you weren't, yes.
Yeah, sometimes my hands don't work particularly well.
Yeah, sometimes can't sit up very well, so yeah.
You're very useful though.
She's good at like, lifting me.
- Propping you up.
- She's incredibly strong for such a tiny person.
- "I don't wanna be rude but how does it feel
"not being able to hear the voice of your love, Claudia?"
- Aww.
Well, with my hearing aids, I kind of hear,
it's not like perfect words and it's not all words,
and it's all one monotonous tone.
(Jessica laughing) - To be fair,
I think a lot of people say that about my voice anyway, so.
Well, it's all just one monotonous tone.
- But I love-- - Maybe that's why
most people find my voice quite like boring.
Have like, especially in a crowded room,
or when there's a lot of background noise.
- Yeah. - It's like my voice
gets lost a bit, but you find it great
because your hearing aids pick it up perfectly.
- I find you constantly fascinating.
- Oh, thanks.
"I don't mean to be rude but, how are you able
"to have sex with your disability?"
- Wow, I didn't know you were gonna go for a sex one.
All right. - Okay, we'll move on.
Is that too rude? - No, no.
I mean, we're being honest and open.
Honest and open is the--
- I just thought it referred a bit like that time--
- The thing of the day, yes.
- You had that roundtable discussion with Hannah Witton.
- Oh yes I did!
- And you basically discussed all of that quite openly
with lots of other people with disabilities
of different types. - Yeah!
- So if you wanna know the answer to that,
go check out that video.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll put it in the card above.
It's right there, there you go.
- Yep.
- Can lean about sex and disabilities.
- "Don't wanna be rude but,
"what do you guys use on your teeth?
"They're so white!"
- They are.
Married to a dentist. - Yeah.
"Don't mean to be rude but do you dye your hair
"at home, or at a salon?"
- I mean, that's not technically rude but--
- She doesn't dye her hair.
- (laughing) What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
God. - It's her natural color!
- Yeah!
No, Claudia does it for me.
- From a box. - Yeah.
- That they've now discontinued!
- That's why it's a slightly different color.
- It's a drama, guys.
My hair has been discontinued.
- I like it, it's nice.
But we need to redo it. - Yeah we do.
- Your roots are showing.
- Here you go, "Don't mean to be rude,
"but why do you dress like that?" (laughing)
- Oh wow, did someone actually say that?
- Yeah. - Oh, okay.
- I mean, they might not have said it in that way,
I just did it in a ruder way. (both laughing)
- I dress like this because it makes me happy,
because I really enjoy this specific type
of fashion upon my body, and every time
I look in the mirror, it makes me glad.
And just I can fluff around in petticoats
and I'm just genuinely so happy all the time.
Also, it gives a, it's a great talking point.
So, you can easily break into a conversation.
And people stare at you for nice reasons,
rather than because you've fallen over.
- We've got a few sex ones here.
- Oh!
- "Don't mean to be rude but,
"why are you in a chair if you can walk?"
- Oh, okay.
A lot of people who use wheelchairs are actually
what is called ambulatory wheelchair users,
which means that although they use a wheelchair,
they can stand and walk for varying amounts of time.
Might be just a little bit, maybe just a transfer,
or it might be that they can walk around very slowly,
but if they need to get far distances then they use a chair.
So, I tend to use a chair for things
like traveling to London, which is exhausting for me.
And I've been doing that with a chair nowadays,
since I got it in my little mobility series,
if you watch that, you'll know that I--
- That's a good story. - Bought a chair.
It's so good!
Very happy, and it really has revolutionized my trips,
because the amount of energy
it would take out of me is so much less.
- "Don't mean to be rude but, did you ever find
"birth control pills to help you with your periods?
"Once you, after that talk you did in Malaysia?"
- Yeah! - Remember you did that, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I tried two different types of pills.
I don't remember what they're called but.
- I think one was like vina, vinesa, vinel.
- Vinel?
- So I tried one type and it just,
it was terrible for my mood.
- Yeah. - I only took it--
- I would come home and she'd be like crying in the bath
and I'm like, "What's happened?"
"Nothing." - I was just like, this is it.
I don't care if the world ends.
- God, yeah.
- Claudia's like, "We're gonna take the pills
"away from you now." - Yeah, that was definitely
not you. - "This is not good."
And then, the other type I tried,
I took for six months and my period, nothing changed.
I still have my period, I still have my migraines.
It feels like quite a scary thing
to mess around with birth control,
like try and find something that works,
especially, if I'm gonna have side effects from it.
And then maybe I'll still have my periods
and migraines anyway?
I'm like trying to find the time,
trying to find the time to try birth control. (groaning)
If you're very confused and you're just joining us,
I am a lesbian, this is my wife.
I don't need birth control for that reason.
- Well the next question-- - Just dealing
with my migraines. - Was,
"I don't mean to be rude but,
"when are you guys having babies?"
We plan to, because we can control the exact date and time
in which it will be conceived.
- No we can't. - Why not?
- (laughing) We can hope.
We can't-- - Yeah but we can plan.
- It will definitely work. - We can plan.
- Yeah. - We can be like,
it's gonna happen this month at this time, or it's not.
And then if, and then, if it doesn't happen,
it's like, well it's gonna happen at this time--
- The next month. - The next month,
and the next fertile, I only realized,
I mean it's a bit stupid but,
you can only get pregnant like, 12 times in a year.
- There are only 12 chances, my love.
You can't get pregnant 12 times. (laughing)
- How did I, (laughing) that's what I meant.
"Don't mean to be rude but how does C, cope
"with not infantilizing you and being an equal partner?"
It's actually really like,
I think that's a weird question, personally,
'cause like-- - I don't think
that's a weird question, because it's come up a lot.
- Oh.
- And I think it's an understandable fear.
- I don't infantilize you at all.
- You really don't, which is very--
- I do the opposite, I'm like, I make her like mother me.
I'm like. "I need you." - "Jessie, make it better."
- Yeah, yeah.
- "Let me lie on your shoulder."
- Yeah. (Jessica murmuring)
- But it is an understandable fear and concern.
- I guess when you're really--
- And it's one that I had, before we were together.
- When you're really in need I actually like,
I don't even do like our little baby voice anymore.
Like, you know when we do affectionate chat to each other.
I actually like, I'm even more like--
- For doing that. - Stern-like,
grown-up voice, aren't I?
- Yes.
How do you avoid infantilizing someone,
if you're doing things for them?
I think ask them things at the same time,
because that's what you do.
You'll be like helping me because I'll be in need.
So you're like helping me to the toilet, for instance,
and then at the same time,
you're telling me all your problems. (laughing)
- I think it's like a state of mind, probably,
on the person that's helping.
Like, I just don't believe,
that's why it's hard for me to fathom it as a question,
that someone who, an adult that requires help,
resembling a child in any way.
- No.
I, maybe, maybe it's just about the right person,
which seems like a cop-out answer, I realize.
- It's like, well, you know--
- But I think it's about finding someone
who doesn't act like that.
- Well, I mean, a lot of people have had to like care
for their parents as they get older, or unwell.
Like in my case, my mum was dying of cancer,
I had to help her a lot with the same sort of things
I had to help you with, like, dressing, bathing, eating,
you know, getting her up off the floor
if she couldn't manage to go up the stairs, you know.
And never once, because she's my mother, as well,
never once did I think like our roles had somehow reversed?
- Yeah.
- She was like, today, maybe you have to go,
maybe you have to look after someone
who you've always looked up to,
or you don't have to but, maybe it helps.
- Yeah.
- To then, when you then have to help
some other adult in your life.
- I-- - And you don't-
- I think it's also a personality thing.
- Yeah, I think it's a personality thing, as well.
- Which is unhelpful, because then all my advice is,
is like, find the right person.
- There's lots of us out there.
- Yeah, there are lots of good ones.
- Yeah, most people are probably like,
will not infantilize, I don't think.
- Yeah, just ignore the rotten apples.
- Yeah.
- (laughing) Oh, no, "Don't mean to be rude but,
"why have you shaped your eyebrows like that?
"Does it make it easier to fill them in with makeup?"
They just fell out, okay?
They just, they're gone, and I'm gonna get them microbladed
so they look like this all the time.
- "Sorry to be rude," like, this person's like,
"Don't want to be rude but, do you guys have a sex life?"
And then said, "Sorry if it's too imposing."
- Yes, yes, we do.
There you go.
It's all you're getting.
- "How do you do so much when you're disabled?"
- That is such a good question!
- It is!
I'm always wondering-- - Because people say this
all the time!
People-- - I'm like,
"Why don't you just go back to your box,
"and then like, suck on your dummy?"
- (laughing) She is kidding, she has a humor
that not everyone understands,
please don't worry about her.
Anyway, yeah, people comment this all the time.
Like, "How do you do so much?"
and "You're always doing stuff."
But I'm like, it doesn't feel that to me.
I leave the house once a week.
- You are also, you are a very impressive person.
- Oh! - I think it's, again,
your personality. - Thank you.
- You are just very driven, motivated, and passionate.
And like, she gets so frustrated
when she's got a debt-bed, a day in bed,
that the next day she does more
than most humans would be able to do.
And then, but then, she has to take the following day off.
It's just like a really silly,
(Jessica laughing) 'cause I'm like,
if you just did a little bit each day,
it really would be okay but-- - Yeah, Jessica's pacing
is just all over the place. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- But also like, sometimes, some days,
you have really bad days and you don't always see that
because you won't-- - It's difficult then to show.
Not because I don't want to show it, but because I,
it's literally very difficult to hold in my mind,
like ooh, create an Instagram Story
about how you're feeling terrible right now, or--
- You still manage to, sometimes,
but you'll post like a picture from another day,
And then just be like, I'm really not doing,
but then comment on it like-- - Yeah.
I think it's really important to show
when you're not feeling good, because then, other people
who aren't feeling good know that they're not alone.
"I don't mean to be rude but,
"do you ever have to take care of Claudia?"
- Yeah. (laughing)
- [Both] All the time.
(both laughing)
- Hello Tilly! - And I love it.
- You all right? - Huh?
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, my head hurts. - Oh, okay.
- Okay, good. (both laughing)
Why?
- You're just not responding
- Oh, okay. - Correctly to things.
(both laughing) Okay, we're gonna go now.
- Ow.
- I think you need to eat dinner.
- Bye, internet. - Bye.
(bright Christmas music)
("Joy to the World")
- Okay, bye-bye.
Oh wait.
We're supposed to say like, subscribe.
Bye-bye. (both laughing)
- Oh, okay.
I've never once said that you know?
- What? - I've never said that.
- You've never said that word?
- No actually, that might be a lie.
Someone's gonna find an episode when I said that.
- Please find where Claudia has said subscribe.
(bright Christmas music)
("Joy to the World")