Hello again you lovely people of The Social my name's Kate and this week I want to talk
to you about deadnaming and misgendering.
Right here we go again with the words. What are you on about this time? Well deadnaming
is calling a trans person by their old name. So for example say I used to be called Scott.
I never actually used to be called Scott, but for the purposes of this let's just say it was.
And transitioned to Kate. You using the name Scott
would be using what's known as my deadname.
In regards to dead naming lots of trans people really want this name to be hidden and wiped from
existence but some are ok with it. It's a personal choice, but if you are ever unsure just go with
the first option because better to be safe than sorry right?
And as for misgendering it's pretty
much what it says on the tin. It's the act of calling a trans person by the wrong gender.
So for example calling me a he
And before you people in the comments section start believe me I am anything but a he, my
pronouns are she and her. Now you might think that you're being progressive
and supportive of your trans pal, when you're with them using all
the right names and pronouns but what happens when you're behind their backs? Does this seem familiar?
You alright? You hear about John? He's living as a woman
now. NOOOOOOoooo oh ho!
I know, he's called himself Amy and like I've known him since school so it's a bit
weird for me.
Ohhh.
And I'm not really sure what to do because he wants to be called she but I've only
known him as John so it's a bit weird for me.
Aw right.. so he's like full on transgendered now yeah?
Like he's wearing skirts and stuff.
Oh right uh brave though.
Yeah yeah totally like power to him I guess.
Oh your dog's dead cute. Thank you.
whats his name?
Oh, she's called Nancy
Ohhhhhhh sorry, Like a girl dog?
Yeah. Aww I'm so sorry.
Now I'm not comparing trans people to dogs, but it's simple enough to change pronouns for
an animal so why can't you do it for a person eh?
Now let's rewind what we just saw
He's now a woman...
Well dear I always was a women it's just
that I wasn't living true to myself
and doing a really good job of pretending
to be a guy.
Oh yeah and 'calling himself Amy?' Herself would have been a much better
choice of word there, don't you think?
Now I get it, If your friend has just come out and your going to want to explain this
facinating tour de force to everybody that you meet.
And in that taking away from the trans person coming out in their own time doing it their own way.
And that's probably none of their business
anyway but you know, who's your friend to come out in their own time in their own way you
keep telling everyone what's going on
because thats how you be supportive right? RIGHT?
Now I get it if your trans pals just came out you're going to have to have the situation where
you deadname them and misgender them. ONCE! And once is all you need.
But look I get it, it's a little bit complicated in the beginning.
As you can imagine I hear coming out stories all the time, and cisgender people want to
come to me asking for advice on what they do with their friend. I'm happy to educate
people and teach them everything that they need to know to help them be supportive but when I'm
giving you advice take it on board and listen.
If you're speaking to another trans person about a trans person just because your friend
isn't within earshot doesn't mean that you're not going to be directly affecting the person
that you're speaking to because sometimes speaking to a cisgender person can be a completely
depressing, upsetting and triggering experience.
So I wanted to speak to you because my friend John's just come out as trans.
So she? Oh yeah sorry she.
Alright ok and like do you know how far on she is?
Umm he told me like, last month so not that long I don't think?
but I don't really know but he's really nice and we got on really well I've known
him since I was a kid so we've been friends for ages
But it's confusing for me and I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
Another thing to remember is that a thoughtless act like this can actually be dangerous
to a trans person who might be living a stealth life. Because if you have a trans pal who's
stealth just because you know they're trans
doesn't mean that everybody else does. Deadnaming
them in front of someone could actually be very dangerous to their lives.
It could cause issues with jobs, relationships or just create
awkward situations in a life that they've worked so hard
to build up for themselves.
And for me, well I've had to put up with comments
like this,
oh yeah that reminds me of something that Scott..
uh god Kate.
Oh god...
Scott?
Oh are you trans?
Yes.
Like Caitlyn Jenner? That's so cool.
Till next time Social folk.