Last week we did some night mountain biking, and my bright light caught the reflector of
something off trail.
It was a bike, 1400 feet and 3 miles above the trailhead.
That means the owner of this bike gave up a serious descent, one he earned with great
difficulty.
But as far as I’m concerned the only thing he earned was the title of idiot, for leaving
his stupid mistake in the forest.
So today, we’re going to hike up with a bunch of tools and parts, try to get this
thing running again, and hopefully ride it down the mountain.
If we fail, we’ll hike it back to the trailhead like this idiot should have done in the first
place.
Since this bike does look like that of the department store variety, I’m bringing zip
ties, tape, spoke wrenches, a 15mm socket wrench, and of course, a vice grip.
WD-40 would most certainly come in handy for this job, but I’d feel weird spraying it
out in the forest.
So we’ll make due without it.
To be honest I have no idea what the story is with this thing so hopefully we’ll be
prepared.
It’ll take about 30 minutes of uphill hiking to get to this bike, and when we finally do,
a story will unfold.
What really happened on that day?
Did this bike really get left up here purposely or was this a result of a crash?
Is there a body up there too?
I don’t suppose any of you would just leave your beloved bike unattended, let alone out
in the woods.
So what happened?
Well, I don’t see a body anywhere, or a path of destruction leading towards the bike.
But the front wheel sure is taco’d.
That means this bike was heaved off the trail in what looks to me like a textbook rage quit.
I think the story goes like this.
Dude invested minimally in mountain biking, and even less in maintenance.
That’s fine, but he then rode his poorly maintained bike up the mountain, experienced
a failure less than a mile into the descent, and was faced with the task of dragging it
three miles back to the trailhead.
Instead of taking responsibility and hiking down with his mistake, he made the selfish
decision to hike down without it.
Very classy.
Oh, by the way this dude whose name is also Seth, stopped to help me pull this bike out,
which was very cool.
It’s worth mentioning that this bike could have very easily been wheeled out like this,
as I’m sure many of you have done.
Now to get to work on this front wheel.
When a rim is this mangled it can’t be made perfect again.
But it can be made better.
First, start by bending it back manually as much as you can.
The fact that this wheel bent back so easily is not surprising, but the initial bend was
likely the result of really loose spokes.
Indeed these spokes are loose as frig.
So I’ll start by putting an even amount of tension on them all, and then adjusting
the spokes to get the wheel as straight as humanly possible.
This is called truing, and it’s normally done on a truing stand.
These pins help determine where the rim is bowing out.
At the apex of the bow, you locate the closest spoke pulling from the opposite side of the
hub, and tighten it a quarter turn.
You continue to repeat this process until the wheel is dead straight.
This particular wheel will never be dead straight, but I can make it dramatically better than
it was.
I’m using this scissor to locate the bows, and then a spoke wrench to make the adjustments.
After about 20 minutes of futzing with this wheel, it’s spinning freely and holding
its shape.
It might even make it back to the car.
Now to
make this bike safe, relatively speaking, to ride downhill on.
I could have supplied myself a little better in the brake department, but even a full cable
and housing set would be too costly for this endeavor.
I’m using a smaller gauge gear cable in the original front brake housing to cut down
on friction, and it seems to be working.
The rear brake is pretty much seized, but we can get it kind of working.
I’m also installing this very simple chain guide to prevent the drivetrain from getting
jammed up on the way back.
Many of you know all too well the kind of destruction that can cause.
As for the tires, they dry rotted but miraculously holding air.
So, we’ll get them back up to a reasonable pressure and call it a day.
Now, we’re ready to take the plunge.
This isn’t going to be like the other videos where I rip down the mountain irresponsibly
fast on a death trap.
The tires on this bike are dry rotted and, let’s face it, the front wheel has been
brought back from
the dead.
I already booked a trip to Whistler this summer and intend on surviving long enough to enjoy
it.
I have more self control than to try anything stupid on this thing.
If you’ve ever descended on one of these bikes, you know that it’s even more exhausting
than climbing, but I still maintain that it’s always a great day when you’re on a bike—even
this bike.
I have no room for this bike at my house, and to make it safe again would require two
new tires, a new rim, a set of cables, and brake pads.
That vastly exceeds the cost of this bike, so we’re going to do a little experiment.
This five gallon bucket will be filled with any and all ferrous metal glommed from this
bike.
In this pile, the aluminum.
All else, unfortunately, will end up in the landfill.
But these metals will go towards building a better tomorrow, and getting me reimbursed
for my time and labor.
That’s right, I could make a pretty penny off of all this scrap metal.
Ball bearings, spokes, bolts, they’re nothing but dollar signs to me right now, and considering
the morning I had with this thing it’s only fair that I profit as much as possible.
After all, for others to do their part in cleaning trash from the forest, there needs
to a proper incentive in place, and today we’re going to find out just how much that
is.
When the dude didn’t even bother to take the metal out of the bucket, I knew I was
in for a meager payout.
The very fact that I forgot my bucket at the scrap yard means I’m out almost three dollars
right there, not including fuel.
So what consolation prize can I purchase with this $3.06?
I did have to come out of pocket 15 cents for this taco, but it came with chips and
free run of the salsa bar.
So what did we learn today?
Maybe a bit about truing wheels, and perhaps a better understanding of what one should
bring when embarking on a bike retrieval.
But I think most of all, we learned that you shouldn’t ride into the forest with anything
you’re unwilling to bring back out with you.
This video isn’t meant as commentary on department store bikes.
This is idiot’s fault.
His taco’d bike has officially been converted into an actual taco which I am enjoying very
much.
With that, thanks for riding with me today and I’ll see you next time.