[KNOCK ON THE DOOR] >>YOUR HONOR?
>>YEAH.
>>IT'S THE CUSTODY CASE.
>>OH YES.
REMIND ME THE DETAILS.
>>UH, A DIVORCED COUPLE ARE FIGHTING OVER CUSTODY
OF THEIR DAUGHTER THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
>>ALL RIGHT.
SEND THEM IN.
>>OKAY, WILL DO.
>>TAKE A SEAT AND TALK TO ME.
>>YOUR HONOR, I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK.
SHE'S BEEN AT HER HOUSE FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS.
>>AND BEFORE THAT EIGHT YEARS AT YOUR HOUSE.
>>YEAH, AFTER EIGHT WITH YOU!
>>AND 12 WITH YOU!
>>I'M SORRY, HOW OLD IS SHE?
>>225.
>>THAT'S-- THAT'S VERY YOUNG FOR A COUNTRY.
>>STILL OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE FOR HERSELF RIGHT?
WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH KID?
>>I'M USUALLY PRETTY ANNOYED WITH WHOEVER
I'M WITH AT THE MOMENT.
SO...
>>WANT TO CHOOSE DAD HONEY?
LOW TAXES, LOW SPENDING.
>>OH, WHAT ABOUT MOMMY DEAR?
HIGH TAXES, HIGH SPENDING!
>>COOL.
OH.
>>SHE DOES THAT.
>>WELL YOU CAN'T JUST LET HER CHERRY PICK.
THINK ABOUT HER FUTURE.
>>OH!
I HATE THAT WORD!
>>FUTURE?
>>IT'S OKAY BABY.
THE FUTURE IS NOT REAL.
OKAY?
MOMMY WILL LET YOU HAVE ALL THE DEBT THAT YOU WANT.
>>AND AT DADDY'S HOUSE POLLUTION IS TOTALLY COOL.
>>NO, NO, NO.
SHE IS PLAYING YOU OFF EACH OTHER TO GET ANY
BAD THING SHE WANTS!
>>WELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANY BAD THING?
OKAY?
WHAT ABOUT THIS HEALTH CARE APP I HAVE, HUH?
OH, IT WON'T LOAD.
>>HA!
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
>>OH, GO START A WAR SOMEWHERE.
>>YEAH, WELL GO HUG A TREE!
>>OH, GO MELT AN ICE CAP!
>>DONE!
>>OH!
>>STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
NOW WE NEED A REMINDER OF GEORGE WASHINGTON'S FAREWELL--
>>HONEY-- >>HONEY--
YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION.
>>I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE LAME.
>>LAME?
I FOUGHT IN THE REAGAN REVOLUTION!
>>THAT IS NOT A REAL REVOLUTION.
>>THEN HOW COME I HAVE SO MANY GUNS?
>>NO, I MEANT YOUR BOTH LAME.
>>WELL, BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO OCCUPIED WALL STREET!
>>YEAH, WELL I DIDN'T NEED TO OCCUPY IT BECAUSE I WORK THERE.
>>OH YEAH.
WELL, THANKS FOR THE MARKET CRASH.
>>YEAH, WELL EUROPE CALLED, THEY WANT THEIR POLICIES BACK.
>>OH, 1850 CALLED THEY WANT THEIRS!
>>1850 DIDN'T HAVE A PHONE!
>>YOU DON'T GET METAPHORS.
>>STOP BICKERING!
THIS GIRL NEEDS A STRONG FAMILY.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?
>>WAIT WHOA!
WE HAVE FAMILIES.
>>YEAH, WE REMARRIED.
>>HONEY?
>>HEY!
>>ANOTHER LEFT-WING LIBERAL CONSPIRACY--
>>GOOD EVENING YOUR HONOR, SENATE REPUBLICANS--
>>NO, NO.
GET OUT.
RIGHT NOW.
BOTH OF YOU.
NOT YOU TWO.
SIT DOWN.
NOW WE'RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE CAN AGREE ON SOMETHING.
OKAY?
>>LIKE?
>>LIKE WHAT SHOULD WE GIVE THE POOR?
>>NOTHING.
>>HANDOUTS.
>>SO YOU AGREE THEY SHOULD STAY POOR.
>>YES.
>>LOOK AT THAT.
WHAT ELSE CAN WE AGREE ON?
>>WELL I WOULD LIKE A GIANT FENCE ALL ALONG
THE SOUTHERN BORDER.
>>AND I WANT LEGALIZED DRUGS.
>>SO FENCE WITH HOLES IN IT?
>>YEAH.
THAT WOULD WORK.
>>YEAH, SURE.
>>LOOK AT THAT.
YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH SO MUCH WHEN YOU WORK TOGETHER!
>>WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT I THINK WE'VE GOT TO A GOOD PLACE.
>>YEAH, THINGS HAVE DEFINITELY EVOLVED.
>>THAT'S NOT A THING!
>>[LAUGHTER] THIS GUY.
>>MOMMY IS A COMMIE!
>>NO!
STOP IT!
YOU ARE SO IMMATURE.
>>DO I NEED TO SEPARATE YOU TWO?
>>OH HI U.S.A.
HEARD YOU'VE BEEN HAVING SOME FAMILY PROBLEMS
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE WE SHOULD GET BACK TOGETHER.
>>STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER.
[GUN COCKS] >>GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!