FOLKS, YOU CAN CATCH MY NEXT GUEST ON NETFLIX'S
"ATYPICAL" AND "MURPHY BROWN" ON CBS.
HERE MAKING HIS LATE-NIGHT COMEDY DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME NIK
DODANI.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> THANK YOU.
HELLO!
HI, EVERYBODY.
MY NAME IS NIK DODANI.
AND I AM AN INDIAN.
THANK YOU.
I GOTTA SAY, IT WAS TOUGH GROWING UP WITH INDIAN PARENTS.
RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO COLLEGE, I WENT TO MY DAD, AND I WAS
LIKE, "DAD, I WANT TO BE A WRITER."
AND HE WAS LIKE, "THAT'S FANTASTIC, NIK.
BUT ISN'T IT PRONOUNCED LAWYER?"
"NO, DAD, I WANT TO WRITE BOOKS."
"YES, THERE ARE MANY BOOKS IN LAW SCHOOL."
( LAUGHTER )
AUDIENCE OR WATCHING AT HOME?
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR USING AN INDIAN ACCENT.
I KNOW IT'S NOT ACCURATE OR GOOD, AND SOME OF YOU ARE
PROBABLY A LITTLE OFFENDED.
BUT WHITE PEOPLE CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE, AND THAT'S ALL I
REALLY CARE ABOUT.
( LAUGHTER )
I WOULD TRY SO HARD TO ACT LIKE THE POPULAR WHITE KIDS JUST TO
FIT IN.
I REMEMBER ONCE THIS COOL KID, CONNOR, CAME UP TO ME AND HE WAS
LIKE, "YO, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW MIX TAPE BY KAMILLIONAIRE.
AND I WAS LIKE, "NO, I HAVEN'T."
HE WAS LIKE, "HOMEY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
GET WITH IT."
( LAUGHTER )
IT.
I BOUGHT A T-SHIRT WITH KAMILLIONAIRE'SA FACE ON IT.
I MEMORIZED EVERY WORD TO "RIDE AND DIRTY."
I EVEN START REFERRING TO MY BRACES AS "MY GRILL."
IT WASN'T UNTIL YEARS LATER THEY REALIZED JUST HOW MESSED UP THAT
WAS.
I WAS AN INDIAN KID ACTING LIKE A WHITE KID ACTING LIKE A BLACK
KID, ACTING LIKE KAMILLIONAIRE!
SO I'M ALSO GAY.
( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
AND I GOTTA SAY IT'S TOUGH BEING INDIAN AND GAY BECAUSE INDIAN
CULTURE IS STILL PRETTY HOMOPHOBIC WHICH IS WEIRD TO ME
BECAUSE INDIAN CULTURE IS ALSO PRETTY GAY.
( LAUGHTER )
RELEASED 1100 MOVIES.
ALMOST EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, A MUSICAL.
AND I HAVE A THEORY THAT A GAY MAN PLANNED INDIA'S BIGGEST
HOLIDAY WAY BACK WHEN.
"OKAY, EVERYBODY, GATHER AROUND, GATHER AROUND.
NEXT WEEK IS THE HOLY FESTIVAL OF THE VALLEY.
WOMEN, I I WANT YOU TO WEAR BRIGHT, COLOR RECALL AND FLOWY
OUTFITS.
MEN, SAME THING."
( LAUGHTER )
THIS STRANGE REALIZATION THAT NOT ONLY IS INDIAN CULTURE
REALLY GAIRK BUT GAY CULTURE IS REALLY INDIAN.
( LAUGHTER )
RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE.
PEOPLE WORSHIPING GODDESSES, EVERYWHERE.
CONDOM USE, NOWHERE.
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S SUCH A PROBLEM THAT WHEN MY BOYFRIEND AND I FIRST STARTED
DATING WE AGREED WE WOULDN'T HAVE SEX UNTIL WE BOTH GOT
TESTED.
SO BEING THE ACTOR AND COMEDIAN I AM I WENT TO A FREE CLINIC.
I CARE ABOUT MY SEXUAL HEALTH BUT, LIKE, NOT ENOUGH TO PAY FOR
IT.
ANYWAY, I GET POKED AND PRODDED AND FIND OUT I HAVE TO WAIT TWO
WEEKS TO GET THE RESULTS OF THE TEST.
SO 14 ANXIETY-RIDDEN DAYS LATER I GET A PHONE CALL FROM THE
NURSE FROM THE CLINIC.
"HI, MR. DODONI, I HAVE THE RESULTS OF YOUR S.T.I.
SCREENING."
"THANK GOD, DO I HAVE ANYTHING?" "PER THE CLINIC'S POLICY I HAVE
TO GIVE YOU THE RESULTS OF EACH TEST INDIVIDUALLY."
"OKAY."
"GONORRHEA.
NEGATIVE.
( LAUGHTER )
NEGATIVE.
( LAUGHTER )
NEGATIVE."
( LAUGHTER )
THAT BUGS ME THE MOST--
IT WAS NEGATIVE!
NEGATIVE.
THE THING ABOUT GAY CULT THAT YOU ARE BUGS ME THE MOST IS AS A
GAY MAN YOU'RE EXPECTED TO LABEL YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE BEARS WHO ARE THE BIG BURLY GAY MEN, THE TWINKS WHO
ARE THE YOUNGER SLENDER GAYS.
YOU HAVE OTTERS AND EXPUBZ KOALAS, PROBABLY.
WHAT IF WE STARTED DOING THAT TO STRAIGHT GUYS?
YOU WOULD HAVE THE WEASEL.
THAT'S THE GUY THAT PRETENDS TO RESPECT WOMEN IN ORDER TO GET
LAID.
AND THEN YOU HAVE THE...
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BEING GAY BY FAR IS COMING OUT TO YOUR
PARENTS.
THERE'S NOTHING MORE NERVE-RACKING THAN THAT.
IN INDIAN CULTURE THERE'S A TRADITION WHERE PARENTS ARRANGE
THEIR KIDS' MARRIAGES.
MY PARENTS HAD AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE.
I THOUGHT THE ONE BENEFIT OF COMING OUT TO MY MOTHER WOULD BE
SHE WOULDN'T NAWIVE ON ME ANYMORE.
BUT SHE IS A DEDICATED WOMAN.
( LAUGHTER )
ON CRAIGSLIST THAT READ, "MY SON, 24 YEARS OLD, INDIAN, GAY,
WORKS IN ENTERTAINMENT.
SEEKS INDIAN LESBIAN FACING SIMILAR FAMILY PRESSURE."
( LAUGHTER )
NEWS A LOT BETTER.
I WENT UP TO HIM AND I WAS LIKE, "DAD, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL
YOU.
I'M GAY."
AND HE WAS LIKE, "THAT'S FANTASTIC, NIK, BUT ISN'T IT
PRONOUNCED LAWYER?"
THANKS, YOU ALL.
MY NAME IS NIK DODANI.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HIM ON THIS SEASON OF "MURPHY BROWN,"
HERE ON CBS.
NIK DODANI, EVERYBODY!