[audience applause]
- Ladies and gentlemen,
we present a scene to you
from the famously unfunny Shakespeare play,
Romeo and Juliet.
To spice things up a bit,
every time you hear this bell ring--
[bell rings]
The cast must eat a piece of very spicy-hot chicken.
And I mean really spicy chicken.
This stuff is so spicy,
the cast had to sign a waiver
before we committed to do this sketch.
Without any further ado,
please enjoy the dramatic conclusion
of Romeo and Juliet.
[audience applause]
Tanner: Dear Juliet.
What art thou yet so fair?
And that the lean abhorred monster--
[bell dings]
Jetta: [whimpers]
- Keeps thee here in the dark to be his paramour!
Eyes look your last--
Whoa!
[sniffs]
Arms take your last embrace,
and lips, you doors of...
breath
[clears throat]
seal with a righteous kiss--
[bell dings]
Oh no.
That's a big one.
[grunts]
[hiccups]
[audience laughter]
[hiccups]
You're supposed to be dead.
Ugh, thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
- [muffled laughter]
[audience laughter]
- Saint Francis be my--
[bell dings]
Tanner: Hm!
[Jetta and Tanner panting]
- Oh my gosh.
- [hiccups]
Naomi: How oft tonight have my--
oh ohh,
have my--
oh...
Who's there?
- Here's one,
a friend and one that knows you well.
- Bliss be upon you.
[bell dings]
[all sigh]
I just swallowed it.
[audience laughter]
[Tanner snorts]
Tell me dear friend, what torch is yond?
Garet: There's my master.
Naomi: Ohh.
Go with me to the vault.
Tanner: [coughs]
Naomi: [coughs]
- I dare not sir,
my master knows not but I am gone hence.
- Stay then, I'll go alone.
Fear comes upon me.
Garet: As I did sleep under this yew tree here--
[bell dings]
Naomi: Oh boy.
Garet: Oh.
Tanner: I promise we're not playing this up.
[takes quick breaths]
[audience laughter]
Garet: [coughs]
[bell dings]
Tanner: Say your lines, say your lines!
Naomi: That's so mean!
Tanner: Get through the play!
Garet: As I did sleep under this yew tree here,
I dreamt that my master and another fought,
and that my master slew him.
- Romeo, oh oh,
alack alack,
what blood is this which...
[breathes heavily]
which stains...
which stains the stony en--
entrance of this sepulcher?
- Romeo, oh, pale, who else?
And steeped in blood?
[gasps]
The lady stirs.
[coughs]
- Oh comf--
[coughs]
Oh comfortable friar.
[bell dings]
All: Oh!
[all breathing heavily]
[audience laughter]
- Lady!
Come from that nest of death.
- [gasps]
- Oh, a great--
it's in my nose.
A greater power than we can contradict
hath thwarted our intents.
- Come away, we dare not stay.
[audience laughter]
- [panting]
- What's here, in my true love's hand?
Heh...
Poison,
I see hath been his timeless end,
and left no friendly drop to help me after.
I will kiss thy lips.
Happily some poison yet doth lay upon them.
[audience laughter]
[kiss]
[audience applauds]
Thy lips are warm.
[audience laughter]
Oh, happy dagger!
Heh...
Here is thy sheath, sheath...
[bell dings]
[whimpers]
- [coughs]
I'm dead.
- Oh, ugh,
there--
- Die!
- And let me die.
[bell dings]
[audience applause]
- [rough voice] Hey subscribers!
We went through that pain for you.
Will you please subscribe to our YouTube channel?
[bell dings]
Oh no!
- Are you kidding?
- No!
- Oh my goodness!
I'm shaking.
- Subscribe.
- It won't make the burn go away.
- Oh!
Tonight's gonna be nuts.
[audience laughter and applause]