- Oh look at this guy.
What, do you think you're better than us?
Ooh nice jacket.
Why are you so dressed up?
If you have just decided to make a change
and start dressing well, I bet that you have heard
one of or maybe all of those things from a colleague,
a friend or maybe even a family member.
Those sorts of comments, whether we want to admit it or not,
affect our confidence and can be real impediments
to following through with the positive changes
that we want to make.
So in this video, we're going to go over
10 effective strategies for dealing with the haters
but first, you're watching He Spoke Style,
I'm Brian Sacawa.
If you're new here, at He Spoke Style, we are dedicated
to giving you all the tips, knowledge
and inspiration you need to help you dress well,
feel more confident and unlock your potential.
Haters suck, yeah I'm looking at you,
two people who always thumbs down my videos
right when they're posted.
Yep, you think I didn't notice?
But unfortunately if you're trying to improve something,
especially if you are starting to dress well
and you're making noticeable progress and succeeding at it,
haters just always seem to appear.
They're the armchair critics, they're the naysayers,
they're gonna try to discourage you but what you need to do
is to stay focused, stay motivated and ignore the boos
because those are coming from the cheap seats.
However it's not always easy and I know
and that's why I've put together these 10 strategies
to help you deal with the haters.
Number one, use that criticism as fuel.
If someone criticizes you, you have a choice to make,
you can either let it drag you down,
which is what the person who said that to you wants,
or you can let it light a fire underneath you
but what you need to remember is
that when someone puts you down,
it says more about them than it does about you.
In fact, it reveals who they are, their insecurities
and honestly, that they feel threatened by you
and if that's the case, you're on to something.
Recognize that and let it fuel you.
Number two, take it as a compliment.
I know you kind of have to do
a little mental jujitsu to kind of process
a put down as a compliment but think of it this way:
if you are inspiring criticism and envy,
you are on the right path and you will be successful.
They don't want you to dress well because they don't
and they know that you are on your way
to making them look bad.
Number three, try hitting back.
Now in this situation, you've kind of got to know the room
and the people you are talking with.
If they're colleagues or friends you've known
for a long time and have a history with and you are someone
who is good at really thinking on your feet,
this is a great opportunity to throw it back at them,
maybe give them a little dig of your own.
It shows that you have some humility,
you're not taking yourself too seriously
and really kind of changes the conversation
and the irony is that if you use this strategy effectively
and you're not defensive, the person who lobbed
that initial insult at you will probably have
more respect for you for standing up to them.
I know it's messed up but that's how some people are.
Number four is to kill them with kindness.
Now this is a proven strategy that works all the time
and it really makes the person who is insulting you feel
like a total jackass.
Remember, they want to upset you, they want
to throw you off your game and if you're able to pivot
to something positive, it shows
a lot of character on your part
and it reveals much about them.
Number five is just something to remember
and that's that successful people do not need
to put others down.
In fact, successful people don't have time
to put others down because they're too busy being successful
and thinking about what they need to do
to get where they want to go, they don't have time to think
about what other people think.
It's an easy trap to fall into though,
I do it myself from time to time
and I'm always infinitely more successful
when I am not worrying about the opinions of others.
Number six, remember that when someone criticizes you,
that it's not about you, it's really about them
and what that could mean is that
maybe they're going through a tough time,
maybe there's something going on at home
that you don't know about, maybe they're dealing
with something at work, you don't know.
Use this as an opportunity to check in on them
and show them that you care.
Number seven, don't react.
Don't give them the satisfaction, don't let them see
that it bothers you.
Like your mother used to say, if you ignore them,
they'll go away.
If you don't give them the reaction they're looking for,
they will stop.
Number eight is to reflect.
Now maybe there's something you can learn
from what they're saying.
For example, if you've just started to make this change
in how you dress and you show up in a bright red suit
with a black vest, a paisley bow tie and spectator shoes,
maybe you do need to tone it down a little bit.
Trying to hard is a mistake that all of us will make
on this journey, in fact I believe
it's a mistake that you can't avoid.
So in this case, maybe the person who's hating on you is
legitimately trying to help.
Now a lot of these strategies involve actively engaging
and in some cases, putting up a wall and some checks
on what you might want to say
but for number nine, it's okay to acknowledge your feelings,
no matter how well you deal with the haters,
it still hurts on some level,
even if you don't show it outwardly.
That's why it's important to have people you can trust
that you can go to who understand you, who listen to you,
for example, the community here at He Spoke Style
because talking about how you're feeling
definitely makes you feel better.
Number 10 is to stick to your convictions.
You're making the effort to dress well for a reason,
for confidence, for self-respect,
to show the people around you that you care
and you put effort into whatever you do.
You're doing something positive and you need to keep
that energy going because it will be infectious
and when you succeed, other people will take note
and I bet they will start asking you questions
like what are some really easy ways
that I can start to up my game?
Now you already know and it's simple:
you don't need a lot, you just need a few great basics
and know how to put them together,
like this playlist will show you how to do.
Click there and brush up, so you can help your friends out
when they ask for your advice.