Prepare to feel the wrath of Scrimshaw, the Smug Dragon.
For my next move, I play...
The Sword of Pride! Ha!
Huh. You must have forgotten that I, Glavnar the Warrior Dwarf possess...
Kazdorian Diamond Armor!
Is anyone else completely lost?
Let me check the “Basements and Banshees” official guide.
As your foolish attack fails, I use my agility points to skip your turn.
Agility points? What are those?
Hey, give me the book. Quick!
My victory is assured.
No it isn’t!
It says here I can cast rebuking light to thwart your attack.
Do yo mean this rebuking light?
Wait, what just happened?
I don’t know... Ben wins?
How could I lose?
You’ll pay for this, Ginger.
It wasn’t me, it was Scrimshaw!
If I had a dollar for every time Ginger ruined something, I’d have...
well, lets see, if we let x equal the number of things ruined per week
- and we have... - Hi! Can I help you?
Oh yes, I just...
...need... you...
Hello? Anybody in there?
Yes! Sorry.
I was wondering if you could help me fix my broken heart - phone.
Of course I can. That’s my job.
I’m a Grape Geek. My name is Xenon.
Like the element. What a grape name.
Grape name?
Oh, sorry, just because we’re in the Grape Store.
Oh that’s good. You’re funny!
Would you say I’m... berry funny?
Oh! I would! I would say that!
Calm down.
No need to go bananas!
Oh, you come to work thinking it’s gonna be just another day then
all of a sudden you’re at a comedy show!
Does any of this make sense to you?
Nope, I thought we were just looking at the pictures.
I’m in love.
Hey, that’s great.
I hope it’s not you-know-who again...
No, not the moon again. It’s a girl.
By girl do you mean planet Venus?
No, a real person. Look, look, look, look.
Her name’s Xenon and she works at the Grape Store.
Whoa, she gave you her number?
Ben, it sounds like this girl wants you to ask her out.
Out? Out where?
On a date.
With who?
With you.
Oh no.
What should I do? Should I call?
Should I do it in person?
Should I... develop an app to do it?
Easy, Harry Styles.
Let’s just run through some scenarios to see what you’ve got.
Alright, Ben. Just pretend you’re asking Xenu -
Xenon.
Sorry - out on a date.
Now, just do your thing and we’ll give you notes.
“Just do my thing,” got it...
Hi, Xenon.
Would you like to go out with me sometime?
Aaaand we’re gonna stop you there.
Why? What did I do wrong?
You can’t just walk right up and ask her out.
You’re being too bold.
Yeah!
Ow!
What? No, don’t listen to him, Ben.
You’re not being bold enough.
Just listen to your heart and tell her how you feel.
Uh-huh.
He can’t just tell her how he feels.
Then she’d know exactly how he feels.
Uh-huh, feel....
Are you kidding me? He has to.
I don't really...
How do you expect anything to ever
happen if he doesn’t romance her?
Wait, wait, wait...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what is the rush?
I don’t see why he can’t just play it cool,
start out as friends, then maybe make a move in a few years or so.
You’re hopeless, Tom.
Xenon has probably been waiting on Ben
to make a move forever.
She has?
Well maybe he’s afraid to risk their friendship and he just needs
some sort of sign from her.
Hello? She’s been giving him nothing but signs.
He needs to take it slow!
He needs to be romantic!
Slow!
Be romantic.
Slow.
Romantic!
Slow!
Oh...
30 MINUTES LATER...
Be romantic!
Take it slow!
Be roma...
Take it...
Oh, we’re here.
There she is.
Hey, hi!
Oh dear. Ow. Every time.
I just need to find my glasses now. I can’t...
Oh, here we are.
Xenon. It’s good to see you!
Ben. Cherry nice of you to stop by.
That’s hilarious.
You’re so wonderfully clever... And smart.
And also clever.
And you are hilarious, did I say that?
I mean s’up, dude?
Not much, dude.
No. Bigger. Bolder.
People of the Grape Store, your attention please!
I’d like to make a grand gesture... of romance!
Oh, no.
Ben, why are you acting so weird?
See? Should’ve listened to me.
And who are they?
They’re instructing me on romance, and playing it cool, and... Bahh!
I’ve never met them in my life. I’ve gotta go.
- Okay, bye! - Keep the chocolates!
- Ben, wait! - Yeah, Ben, wait up.
So my phone does this weird thing where I don’t get any text
messages from Angela...Is that like a technical thing or....
Have you tried turning it off and then turning it on again?
Ah...
Ben, I’m sorry we gave you such bad advice.
It’ll be okay, we just need to practice some more and then
you can show her the real Ben.
Ben?
From now on, I will only respond to...
Glavnar, the Warrior Dwarf.
Cold and heartless.
- Oh, no. - Ben, I -
Glavnar.
Right, of course, Glavnar. Listen.
What do you say we get some ice cream to cheer you up?
I know not of this “iced cream,” you speak of, peasant.
Besides, warrior dwarves are lactose intolerant.
But- what?
Betrayed and embarrassed, Glavnar
wanders the Dark Forest of Dim Shadows, destined to live alone.
I got a delivery.
Hey, what’s that?
Oh, wow, look, special delivery for Glavnar the Warrior Dwarf.
Glavnar isn’t home.
“Brave Glavnar, you are invited to a Basements and Banshees secret
tournament for the best players in the Universe.
Tomorrow night. Password enclosed.”
No, no, no...
Hey, if you’re not going, can I fill in for you?
I’d make a great Glavnar.
Never!
I’m not letting some amateur play Glavnar and ruin my reputation.
So you’ll go?
65 interest. 45 certainty.
I have to roll for it.
Yes!
Too easy.
Password?
Hobgoblin.
Welcome to the quest, Glavnar, Warrior Dwarf.
Meet your opponents.
I am Clink, the Jade Bandit.
And I am Artemis, the Woodland Archer.
I am Mortimer, the Wizard King.
There is one challenger who has yet to arrive.
Their identity, a mystery.
Hello? I’m sorry I’m late.
I put the password in my pants and then I washed them
and now the password is all smudged.
It looks like Hamburgers though.
Is it Hamburgers? I really hope it’s Hamburgers.
Close enough.
Xenon? What are you doing here?
Xenon? Who’s Xenon.
I am Gorp, the Ogre Queen.
Oh... Gorp.
Let the quest begin!
Oh...
Mortimer, with this banishing rod,
I cast ye out to the Stony Mountains of Hardened Rock...
I am felled.
And down goes The Wizard King.
Not so fast, Clink.
You’ve been captured by the King’s Guard.
Enjoy the inside of your prison cell.
No! This cannot be!
Clink the Jade Bandit. You are defeated.
Looks like it is just the three of us now.
Make that two.
I cast the expunge card on you sleeping Artemis,
and now he never even existed.
Get him out, get him out.
Good one Glav’.
4 HOURS LATER....
Oh, well played, Glavnar.
My victory is assured.
Not so fast, prepare to be crushed into dust...
For I wield the Warhammer of Peace!
I dodge your blow and freeze you with Encasement Ice!
I hope you’re not too chilly, my Ogre Queen.
Oh. A move most smooth.
Or it would be...
if I wasn’t protected by the Flaming Knight of The Glacier Realm!
Listen, Glavnar, Gorp? It’s pretty late.
What do you say we pause the game
and you two can pick it up another time?
Hmm...
Gorp, would you agree to a truce until, say, Friday night?
I’d like that, Glavnar.
So it is desired, so it shall be written.
Yeah, lets write it down, what should we say, eight?
Yeah.
Great, it’s a date then.
Now let’s all get out of here.
Yes, we pulled it off.
And it’s all because Ben followed
my advice and played it cool.
Wait, wait, wait. What game did you see?
Because every move Ben made was
totally a romantic expression of his feelings.
Tom and Angela stopped talking about stupid dating stuff and took Ginger
to the Diner for a milkshake.
Yeah, we’re not doing that, Ginger.
Oh, okay...
Well, with no milkshake, Ginger decided to announce...
Tom’s feelings for the girl he secretly likes.
On second thought, milkshakes are on me.
I’m gonna get you.