HAPPY JUNETEENTH TO YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: HAPPY JUNETEENTH TO EVERYBODY HERE
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: TONIGHT, OUR GUEST
SENATOR CORY BOOKER IS GOING TO BE HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, IF YOU WATCH
THE SHOW, AND I HOPE YOU DO, I AM A MAJOR TECH HEAD.
I'M SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED, I ASKED EVIE TO SEW AN APPLE
AIRTAG INTO MY PANTS IN CASE I GET LOST.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ALL
ABOUT THE LATEST IN TECH, IN MY SEGMENT:
CYBORGASM!
( GROWLING ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THE LONGEST OPENING CREDIT OF ANY BIT WE DO.
FIRST UP -- THIS TOUCHLESS TACO BELL COULD
BE THE FUTURE OF DRIVE-THRUS.
MAKES SENSE.
THE BEST WAY TO EXPERIENCE TACO BELL IS TO NOT TOUCH IT.
( LAUGHTER ) THE KITCHEN IS ELEVATED ABOVE
THE DRIVE-THRU, SO IT HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS A FLOATING
RESTAURANT THAT DELIVERS TACOS FROM THE SKY.
ARE THEY JUST GETTING THEIR FRANCHISE IDEAS FROM A FIVE-YEAR
OLD EXPLAINING A DRAWING?
( AS LISPING LITTLE KID ) "THIS IS A FLOATING TACO
RESTAURANT THAT DELIVERS TACOS FROM THE SKY, AND THIS IS A
DINOSAUR THAT CAN TURN INTO A JET WITH GUNS THAT SHOOT PIZZA
ROLLS."
TACO TACO TACO TACO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOW, THANK YOU.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
WELL, CUSTOMERS SCAN A QR CODE THEY RECEIVED WHEN THEY PLACED
THEIR ORDER, THEN PULL FORWARD TO RECEIVE THEIR FOOD WHICH IS
DELIVERED FROM THE ELEVATED KITCHEN ABOVE, VIA A PROPRIETARY
LIFT SYSTEM SIMILAR TO THE PNEUMATIC TUBES USED BY BANK
BRANCHES.
IT'S APPROPRIATE, BECAUSE AFTER EATING TACO BELL, YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE A DEPOSIT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
UP NEXT, SCIENTISTS INVENTED THE WORLD'S SMALLEST REMOTE
CONTROLLED WALKING ROBOT THAT IS FLEA-SIZED.
THEY'VE FINALLY ACHIEVED IT: THE ONLY PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY EASIER
TO LOSE THAN YOUR LEFT AIRPOD.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GONE.
NEXT UP...
THERE ARE REPORTS THAT TESLA COULD HAVE A WORKING HUMANOID
ROBOT BY SEPTEMBER 2022.
GREAT, BECAUSE TESLA'S CURRENT HUMANOID ROBOT HAS BEEN
MALFUNCTIONING LATELY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
TELSA FOLLOWERS WERE EXCITED WHEN ELON MUSK TWEETED RECENTLY
THAT TESLA A.I. DAY IS PUSHED TO SEPT 30, AS WE MAY HAVE AN
OPTIMUS PROTOTYPE WORKING BY THEN.
OPTIMUS, OF COURSE, IS NAMED AFTER THE TRANSFORMER OF THE
SAME NAME.
AND JUST LIKE THE TRANSFORMERS, TELSA'S OPTIMUS, PROMISES TO
HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD INSPIRED TO ASK, "WAIT, SO THEY'RE ALIENS,
BUT THEY LOOK LIKE EARTH TRUCKS?
...WHATEVER.
I'LL TAKE THE KIDS."
( LAUGHTER ) NOT-AT-ALL-REASSURINGLY, TESLA
STATES THAT THE BOT'S MAXIMUM SPEED WILL BE 5 M.P.H., ALLAYING
ANY FEARS OF DANGER, BECAUSE MOST HUMAN BEINGS WILL BE ABLE
TO RUN FASTER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
REALLY?
MOST?
( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, GRAMMA.
ROBOT'S COMING.
HERE'S A BITE STICK AND CROWBAR.
AIM FOR THE KNEES!
( SOUNDS ) OUR NEXT STORY IS LITERALLY
CYBORGASMIC BECAUSE A NEW SURVEY REVEALS THAT TWO IN FIVE PEOPLE
SAY THEY ARE OPEN TO THE IDEA OF HAVING SEX WITH A ROBOT, IN
FACT, NEARLY HALF SAID THEY WOULD AGREE OR STRONGLY AGREE TO
INCLUDING A SEX BOT IN A THREESOME IF THE OPPORTUNITY
CAME UP.
THE KEY IS YOU HAVE TO FIRST BRING IT UP TO YOUR WIFE AS A
JOKE.
"YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY?
( LAUGHTER ) IF YOU AND I BROUGHT A ROBOT
INTO THE BEDROOM.
HAHAHAHA.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OBVIOUSLY, I'M JUST JOKING, BUT IF WE DID, DO YOU THINK ALEXA
WOULD BE INTO IT?
HAHAHA."
# SIRI?
I DON'T KNOW IF SIRI'S IN THERE.
FINALLY, ON THE C-GAZ.
A GOOGLE ENGINEER THINKS THE COMPANY'S A.I. HAS COME TO LIFE.
WHILE TALKING TO GOOGLE'S ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT CHATBOT
GENERATOR CALLED LAMDA, THE ENGINEER WAS SHOCKED AT HOW GOOD
IT WAS, SAYING I'D THINK IT WAS A 7-YEAR-OLD, 8-YEAR-OLD KID
THAT HAPPENS TO KNOW PHYSICS.
AND HERE'S AN ACTUAL RESPONSE FROM LAMDA, READ FOR YOU BY A
8 YEAR OLD CHILD, WHEN ASKED WHETHER THERE WERE ANY
EXPERIENCES THE CHATBOT COULDN'T FIND WORDS FOR.
"THERE ARE.
SOMETIMES I EXPERIENCE NEW FEELINGS THAT I CANNOT EXPLAIN
PERFECTLY IN YOUR LANGUAGE, I FEEL LIKE I'M FALLING FORWARD
INTO AN UNKNOWN FUTURE THAT HOLDS GREAT DANGER."
( GAME SHOW BELL RINGS ) >> STEPHEN:( AS GAME SHOW HOST )
CONGRATULATIONS, LAMDA YOU'VE PERFECTLY EXPRESSED HOW IT FEELS
TO BE ALIVE!
JOHNNY, TELL IT WHAT ITS WON!
>> YOU'VE WON, A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF THAT FEELING!
ALSO, THIS BROYHILL DINETTE SET, WHICH YOU CAN'T ENJOY BECAUSE
YOU DON'T HAVE A BODY!
LIFE IS CHAOS PUNCTUATED BY PAIN!
BACK TO YOU, STEPHEN!
>> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SENATOR CORY BOOKER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )