- He's chastisized!
- He's celibate!
- Celibate! - He's celibate!
- He got a lock on cock.
(people laughing)
- My name is Madame Joyce.
- And my name is Victor Kunda.
- And we are down in the DMs. - And we are down in the DMs.
- Purr.
- So Buzzfeed has called us
in today to solve all of your relationship dilemmas.
We have some cards here.
- Yeah.
- And we are going to go through your issues.
- But listen, listen, we are not your mommy.
We are not your daddy.
We're not doctors.
We're not psychiatrists.
Take what we say with a pinch of salt.
We're here to help.
But if you need specialist advice
please call the right people.
It's not us, okay?
- And if a pinch of salt is not enough
take it with a pinch of Maggie, thank you.
Purr.
(high-pitched beeping)
- So, Madame Joyce.
- Yes, baby.
- Do the honors.
- Okay guys, this is the first dilemma.
We've never read this,
so we are gonna be sharing this together.
- I'm scared.
- Are you scared?
- Yeah. - Good.
(chimes ringing)
My wife steals my socks.
I am pissed right now.
I've been married nearly six years
and my wife takes and uses my socks all the time
like they're hers.
I got ready to put on the final pair
of brand new wool socks my mom bought me
for Christmas and they are not
in my drawer because my wife took them in the morning
without asking.
A couple of coworkers posted recently
on social media about stealing their own husband's socks.
Is it just something I'm blowing up proportion
or is there a better way to deal with this?
And that's the first dilemma.
Victor.
(record scratching)
Hold on, I got something to say!
I've got something to.
Socks.
Honestly, people are going through real divorces here
and you are here emailing us at Buzzfeed,
because your wife is stealing your
one pair 64 socks
from Primark. - DM me,
I will send you socks.
I will actually send you socks.
(Madame Joyce laughing)
Be happy she's not stealing a hoodie.
- Be happy she's not stealing your friends.
(record scratching)
(both laughing)
- Guys, there are real problems in this economy.
Socks?
But on the real, I do understand people's boundaries.
Maybe you should start sewing your name on your socks.
- That still clearly doesn't stop her.
He said he bought her socks
and she still just said, I want this one.
- I find this a little bit over dramatic
if I'm being very honest.
- Yeah, yeah. - But you know what?
Communication is key.
Talk to your wife again.
Tell her how it really makes you feel.
Obviously you said, like--
- But like he just said he's like fed up!
Very tired.
He told her
Leave her!
- For the socks?
- Just, yeah, just throw her in the bin, it's done.
It's done.
Marriage is done.
It's over.
- Right.
- Anyways, good luck to you guys.
- Yeah, and good luck to the socks.
(chimes playing)
The next dilemma.
I snooped on my BF and it has ruined my relationship.
So me and my boyfriend have been together
for about two years now.
It took him about six months
for him to ask me to be his girlfriend.
And from the beginning.
- Sorry, can I just say it's a big red flag for somebody
to be dating for six months
and to be made the boyfriend and girlfriend
- From the beginning
I was never made to feel comfortable to raise my concerns
because I liked him so much,
but he would make me feel a little stupid.
(flag waving)
Anyway, when we met, he told me he hadn't had a girlfriend
for two years, but in reality
there's only a two week difference between me and his ex.
(flags waving)
I always convinced myself that maybe he was just shy
and had a low sex drive.
Fast forward to today.
I went through his phone.
I just wanted to see what his
and his ex's dynamic was like.
To my surprise,
they were having sex multiple times a night
and sending each other
sexy messages. - Hey!
- Both of which I've never been able to achieve with him.
Seeing these messages broke my heart and I burst into tears.
Am I overthinking, or am I right to have concerns?
My gut instinct says I should leave him,
but what if I don't find anyone else?
(chimes ringing)
- Babe, you need to throw that man in the bin!
- You need to leave!
- You need to leave.
Seriously, I think the red,
the red flags were there from the beginning.
He seemed to tell her that he was in a two year gap,
whereas he literally jumped from one person to another.
There needs to be a space
before you get into a new relationship.
- He quarantined and then went into a new relationship.
- And the thing is a lot of people do that.
A lot of people use other people to heal.
- But you're not healing with them.
You're just using them as your punching bag.
Taking out all the insecurities
that you developed in your past relationship.
And you're just carrying it over
like its Deliveroo.
(door bell ringing)
(Madame Joyce laughing)
- I'm sorry.
- Also if you go through someone's phone,
you're just only gonna disappoint yourself.
- Facts.
I think from the jump there's been red flags,
which sadly, when we care about someone
it gets ignored.
Sex is for a lot of people in relationship is a big thing.
If he is someone that is sexually active priorly
and he was doing the boom, boom, boom, hanky panky
with his ex-girlfriend and he don't wanna touch you!
- All of a sudden he with you and he's chastisized!
- He's celibate!
- Celibate! - He's celibate!
- He got a lock on that cock.
(Madame Joyce laughing)
Red flag.
(flags waving)
- Sis, leave that man alone.
(chimes playing)
Guys, we need more dilemmas.
If you guys want to get involved.
- 'Cause we know y'all are troubled.
Okay, carry on.
- Listen, everyone is going through it.
If you want to get
in contact with us, with your chaotic stories.
- Cause we know y'all be going through with,
cause we know y'all be going through with,
cause we know y'all be going through with.
What's the email?
- The email is downinthedms@buzzfeed.com.
That's downinthedms@buzzfeed.com.
We want chaos. - Please.
- We want chaos.
- We want broken hearts.
- There is nothing too crazy for down in the DMs.
And with that being said, I have been Madame Joyce.
- And I have been Victor Kunda.
- And we are out, baby.
Purr.
(upbeat music)