okay so today is the last day that I'm
here and I still haven't packed anything
the place is a mess and I've got nothing
done and it's already 10:30 a.m. anyway
I just got my hair done at Nalu so my
hair is dark again and actually I really
like it
I think I'm going to keep it this way
for like a year I'm going to put all of
the footage that I need to put on my
computer so I can edit on the plane I
hate planes I have so much anxiety yeah
living with anxiety sucks because that's
what happens is you think of all the bad
things but anyway I'm gonna be okay
because Tyler is going to be with me and
it's just going to be fine it's gonna be
fine today is December 18th December
18th yes today is 18th
Wow its 18th the month went by really
really fast I hope you enjoyed the last
couple videos I know I did I'm trying to
do more vlogs and things like that like
I used to and just do the things that I
used to do when I was in Nagoya ever
since I moved to Tokyo and this year has
been crazy because I've changed
locations with my job and I'm just
trying to discover myself lately and
it's been really really tough this year
I think it's been tough for everybody
this year I'm so nervous to go home
my parents visited me here I saw one
video that I did it with a minute but I
didn't really vlog when they were here
because I wanted to spend time with them
I haven't seen them for like three years
at the time and um it was very hectic I
wish they would have stayed a longer
time I haven't seen any of my other
family just my parents and my brother
once here in Japan
and it's been four years since I've
returned home I'm a such an emotional
person and just thinking about going
home after this long is kind of scary in
a way I'm scary just um everything's
different the roads are
writer there's places that I haven't
seen that have appeared out of nowhere
now um like the new theater by my house
and new restaurants new shops malls have
changed the mall that I used to shop
that isn't doing as well um new houses
have been built things are really really
changing and I hear about them all the
time but I haven't like set foot in the
States in a long time and the reason I
haven't gone home is because of one I've
been moving a lot
I started in Elmore II and then I moved
to Nagoya and I moved in Nagoya twice
and then I moved to Tokyo or Chiba
currently I'm still not acclimated after
four years in Japan and I'm getting
there slowly and surely but I've just
been really busy changing jobs moving
around spending money on things that I
need to spend money on and it's money
that I don't need to spend I just
haven't had the time to go home or the
the chance and it's been really really
tough this year I thought that I would
be able to at least see my grandpa at
least one more time and he has passed
away
um actually pretty unexpectedly and I'm
very close to my grandparents so um it's
the first um Christmas without my
grandpa and we're gonna have Christmas
at my grandma and grandpa's house um and
I've talked to my grandma since and
she's sad you know like last time I
talked to her she was really sad she's
crying um I have young grandparents too
so my grandma had my mom when she was
like 18 so she's a young grandparent and
my grandpa was younger than my grandma
and yeah it's hard he passed away from a
certain type of cancer and he had
dementia so he was he wasn't doing well
he's suffering so it was hard for him
and I wasn't able to be there um so
gonna be really weird like going home
and trying not to cry and be emotional
and it's gonna be really bad when I get
there I don't know how Tyler deals with
me sometimes like I know things aren't
the same but like the love is still the
same
I haven't had Christmas at home and so
long I bet there's so much really hard
times here I haven't shared it with
everybody but I'm in a really good place
right oh I'm really excited to go home
finally but I'm like nervous because I
haven't left in so long and I don't know
why it gives me anxiety but this is
gonna be a lot of reverse culture shock
you know there's people in the world
that have obviously not gone won't gone
home for a long time but I'm talking
about like people that I know they
usually go home like at least once a
year or once every two years but this is
the first time and I actually took my
whole entire vacation for this
opportunity because I wanted every
Sukkot I could get at home because I
don't know what I'm coming back sorry I
didn't think I was gonna cry camera oh
my god I look like crap I really loved
it the end I think it's a very safe
place I love the people that I've met
here and I love hanging out with my
friends and my job is really good I love
my boyfriend it's nice to not be alone
when I was in my last job I thought I
was gonna go home and just give up and
you know then I found a new job and I
didn't expect to like love it than I do
I didn't give up I met more people and
it just it just made me want to stay
longer and I'm still here and I'm very
happy being here even though you know
things are hard you know having a visa
is hard trying to take care of things in
Japanese is hard um money can be tight
but like I'm still living fine and I'm
fine and unhappy of content I'm so
excited to go home
this is this blog is so all over the
place I thought it was gonna be very
structured but I'm sorry um I'm just
thinking about going home I'm happy and
nervous at the same time my my home I
haven't like stepped into in four years
it's just really unreal to like think
about and all my stuff is still there my
parents haven't changed anything I
probably have like 17 magazines still
there from like 10 years ago
um clothes that I've had in my closet
for years past you know up until I went
left and they're probably still hanging
in there and everything likes the same
in my bedroom and um is this weird it's
just weird to think about and it's just
um you know my little cousins grown up
to my little cousin is one of them which
I haven't met like physically
[Music]
um I think the hardest part is just
going to be a Christmas thought my
Grandpop I thought I was gonna be able
to see you so I was gonna go I'm like
really happy but at the same time
everything's just weird I've been very
busy and like trying to make time for
myself because it is very overwhelming
to go home when you haven't gone in a
while and I'm excited to see my friends
and um you know just drive around and go
to Target Walmart so weird to say
[Music]
this is um you know I have no words
right now I was on the Air Force Base
not too long ago when I went there I was
trying to pay with you know American
currency because that's what they used
there and I don't even remember how to
count coins it was so dumb I had to
think about it for a little bit and I
was like okay now I remember but it was
just really like I got up to the counter
and I didn't like know what to say or do
like I remember when I came back from my
internship after four months and I was
accidentally bowing to people and saying
sumimasen and you just knew things in a
very different perspective after you've
been away for a long time I'm sure my
boyfriend understands that he's been in
war in Afghanistan he wasn't home for a
long time too and like I'm talking about
all this stuff like going home after
this vlog and like I think about what
he's been through and like I'm like oh
god Kelly shouldn't even be anxious or
nervous about this like you should be
grateful this video wasn't meant to be
negative it was more to be happy yeah
I'm going home but at the same time
things have definitely changed and you
can't like really change that or forget
that so it's going to be emotional it's
going to be a happy emotional but it's
also going to be a sad emotional so it's
just a really mixed feeling I'm really
really happy with where I'm at right now
I have a lot of people to thank for that
this is what happens when you are gone
for four years and living in Japan