the art of negotiation did you know that every day you're in a negotiation and the funny thing
is you might not even realize it all day long you're probably negotiating with yourself
on what you should do what you should eat what you should wear how much money to spend and so
on are just a few examples of some negotiations you might not be aware of going on in your mind
when you're typically thinking about a negotiation the first thought that might come to mind is a man
or a woman in a boardroom wearing a suit shaking hands with another person after a successful
negotiation and then striking a deal but this isn't always the case great negotiations are about
great collaborations before i go into business specific negotiation techniques i would like to
introduce the stairway model which was developed by the fbi for negotiating in hostage situations
where emotions are running high and rational thinking is often obscured i would recommend
that you use this framework when you're faced with a negotiation situation in your own lives whether
it be in your business career marital affairs or even when you plan on making an expensive purchase
i must warn you that this strategy will be counter-intuitive to your normal thinking most
of us when we enter into any negotiation situation our ultimate goal is to influence and modify the
other person's behavior thinking and actions by convincing them that we are right and they
are wrong the blunt truth of the matter is that we can never get someone to see things our way
until they first believe that we can see things their way you see the problem with the first
approach is that the harder you try to convince the other person that they are in the wrong
the more convinced they become that they're right the key is not to convince them of anything but
instead to start by first understanding their perspective and this is a technique the fbi uses
the first step in the fbi's five-step hostage strategy is to actively listen you need to listen
to what the other person has got to say and you need to do this without any bias towards them
the fbi uses a technique called mirroring in which you repeat some of the key words your
counterpart is saying this is in order to extract more information and understand their perspective
better let's say you're in a sales situation where you're pitching a product to a potential client
after you've made your pitch the client tells you that he doesn't think this will work for them
using the mirroring technique you repeat some of the clients keywords back to them
you think this won't work for you this will prompt them to elaborate on their reply
they could reply and say they meant any of the following things i like your product but i don't
think it's for me i'm just not comfortable with your company values or its reputation enough
i don't think i'm smart enough to figure this out maybe next time my boss won't allow me to make
this work my team might not listen to me or think it's a good idea i don't think your product works
nor is it probably a good fit for us now that you have an idea of what your counterpart is really
thinking and you can put yourself in their shoes then you can recalibrate your pitch and address
their concerns but without active listening you can't do this effectively if you started pitching
and tried to modify his or her behavior without properly understanding the person or at the very
least have them believe that you understand them you will not be effective in the negotiation
the second step in the fbi's five-step hostage strategy is to develop empathy
true empathy is understanding why someone else feels the way they do and then connecting with
them by sharing those same feelings a hostage negotiator doesn't have to agree with anything
that the person he's trying to negotiate with is telling him he just needs to understand deeply why
that person is saying what he's saying and acting the way he's acting this is only possible once you
have actively listened to what he's got to say the third step is to respond in kind with words that
resonate with the person you're negotiating with this is in no way manipulation but if it is seen
that way by the other person then you might have lost the negotiation in a manner of speaking you
have to develop a form of the stockholm syndrome which is a term used to describe how hostages
begin to see understand and ultimately adopt the rationale of their captives the fourth step is to
influence most often the word implies manipulating someone to do something they do not want to do
well that might work in a situation where you have leverage over someone but it will definitely not
work in a hostage situation where the other guy has leverage over you to influence someone in such
a situation means to find a way to problem solve with someone by understanding his perspective
since you have rapport with the person the last step in the fbi's five step strategy is to change
behavior unfortunately this last step is where most of us start from in our daily negotiations
you can expect to change the behavior of someone by pointing out what's wrong
and when you do this it unfortunately comes out sounding a little arrogant
you can't assume that your version of the truth is the only truth this is one of the most westernized
ways of thinking if you start pitting your truth against that of your counterpart you have just
lost the negotiation and turned it into a great warfare situation instead of a great collaboration
in this last step you have to mutually come up with alternatives and solutions to the problem
that are acceptable to everyone and that minimizes collateral damage you can use this
five-step hostage model of negotiation to form a foundation for your business dealings as well
in business poor negotiation can [ __ ] a company just as quickly as losing key customers
always leave your ego at the door and keep your eye on the bigger picture below are some of the
tips and tricks i've researched which you can use to be a successful negotiator for yourself
or your business tip number one know about the counterparty it's always helpful if you've done
your homework and know the weaknesses of the counterparty if possible talk to your business
associates who have dealt with this person before as the fbi stairway model teaches you
to put yourself in their shoes so you can arrive at a common point where both parties are happy
tip number two negotiate only with decision makers you don't want to find yourself in a position
where you have struck a deal only to discover that your agreement must be approved by someone higher
in the chain of command that's like starting the whole negotiation process from scratch all over
again tip number three as a buyer do not disclose your budget if you're looking to buy a good or a
service never give out your budget or any other limitation to the seller what the salesman does is
that once he knows your budget he will reshuffle the product specifications and other parameters
in order to sell you an inferior product to fit your budget you want the best product
at the best possible price tip number four watch for clues such as body movement speech
patterns and reactions this is really important as non-verbal communication constitutes almost 93
of any communication verbal speech only makes up for the remaining seven percent
be prepared to suspend or cancel negotiations if you feel that things are getting nowhere
tip five demonstrate your knowledge establish early in the negotiation process
that you're an expert on the subject matter this may intimidate those on the other side
and put them on their heels before they have a chance to establish their own credibility
tip number six always have something to give away without hurting your negotiation position if
you're submitting a price proposal to a buyer you can try to insert decoys and red herrings in the
proposal for the other party to find for instance you might include spare parts in your proposal
which the buyer discovers and asks you to take out from the proposal to reduce its overall cost
spare parts are not critical to the success of the overall project and so you can take it out
and help the buyer have a psychological victory tip number seven trading one element for another
if you are for example a seller of a car wash service and a buyer wants you to reduce your price
one intelligent strategy for you can be to lower your price for a more relaxed work schedule
instead of having the car cleaned every day of the week you can offer a lower price to the buyer
for having it cleaned only five times a week tip number eight determine an acceptable outcome for
the other party throughout the negotiation process ask yourself what you can offer to
satisfy the priorities of the other party without weakening your own position be prepared to give up
the little things you cannot win at all try to reach a win-win situation for all so that both
parties can benefit from the deal so in conclusion successful negotiation is like a game of chess
where every move you make should be designed to set up not only your next move but other moves
down the line always have an in-game in mind as that will help you avoid fighting to the last
dollar there's no point in fighting over pennies when you've already secured a good dollar deal
remember that a great negotiation is a great collaboration where each party comes out happy and
satisfied your adversary is not the guy sitting across the table whom you're negotiating with
your adversary is the situation and both sides of the table are faced with some aspect of the
same situation a great negotiation will entail a win-win situation as both parties
come together to solve the problem for each other in the most acceptable manner possible
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