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When we’re younger, friendships weren’t always so difficult to maintain.
Many of us saw friends regularly at school, in extracurriculars, and at home while growing up,
but as we grew up, our individual lives sent us off on different paths.
Whether you’re maintaining old friendships or establishing new ones,
everyone runs into challenges at some point in life.
But don’t fear! Here’s your chance to learn.
Here are 6 reasons why making friends is hard.
1. Past friendships still haunt you
Have you ever been betrayed by a friend in the past?
Do you find it hard to trust others since then?
No one expects you to jump back into dating immediately after a breakup,
and the same can be said for friendships.
It’s not fair to ask yourself to forgive and forget every liar, back-stabber, and fake friend.
We’ve all encountered them, and it’s ok to be wary.
But we all have to take responsibility not to let past hurt affect new friendships.
2. You're tired or burnt out
Are you an introvert who recharges by spending time away from others?
If so, maintaining friendships can become tiring if you’re also managing other responsibilities.
Constant socializing can be draining,
and when you’re regularly not at your best, it can affect those around you as well.
It’s ok to take some time for yourself or to let your friends know when you need some space.
If they’re truly your friend, they’ll understand.
3. You make superficial, situational bonds
As our schedules fill up, adults tend to spend more and more time-
with people who share an interest, profession, or relationship, such as coworkers or pet owners.
Denise Cummins, Ph. D. explains:
“You may find yourself socializing with the parents of your children's friends.
The connection you have with them is your children —
the fact that you have children of the same age and interests.
As your children age, graduate from school and start their own lives,
the connections you had to their friends' parents may recede,
because they were not connected to your core self.”
While commonalities may bring friends together,
it can also be the reason friendships fade as life circumstances change.
4. Technology can create distance
Even though social networking is designed to bring people together,
not everyone is a technological expert.
It’s easy to misunderstand one another when you have a screen between you.
Social media is infamous for promoting comparison and competition among friends and even strangers.
This superficial facade on social media can make it hard for you to find a genuine connection with someone.
5. Making friends hasn't been your priority in the past
What are your main priorities right now?
Sometimes, you just don’t see that friendship hasn’t been on your radar.
Perhaps, stressful exams or a job promotion has been occupying your thoughts and time,
or maybe you’ve just been focusing on yourself.
In The New York Times, psychotherapist Robert Glover
explains how he “realized that his roster of friends
had quietly atrophied for years as he focused on career and family.”
After facing divorce at the age of 56,
he found himself longing for friends to spend time with and turn to for support.
“I’d go to salsa lessons, and instead of trying to pick up the women,
I’d introduce myself to the men: ‘Hey, let’s go get a drink.’ ”
And 6. Too many commitments, not enough time
Do you have too many responsibilities and commitments to attend to right now?
Adulthood leaves little time for friendships.
Taking care of yourself is an investment of time and attention-
that is essential to your health as well as your success in life.
With a job or a family on the list of responsibilities,
you may not have a lot of time or energy to spend on cultivating friendships, especially new ones.
Do you relate to any of the reasons mentioned in this video?
If so, what do you plan to do next to improve your situation?
Let us know in the comments below!
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