-Welcome, welcome. Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You're watching.
Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, guys. This is fun.
Tomorrow is Earth Day.
Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And for everyone who went a little too hard on 420,
it's come back to Earth Day.
[ Laughter ]
That's right, tomorrow is Earth Day.
Right now, the Earth is like,
"So I get a day, but sharks get a week?
I don't understand."
Well, some news from Washington.
According to a new poll, Mitch McConnell
is the least popular senator in the U.S.
with only a 28% approval rating.
Yeah, well, I think some other senators feel bad for McConnell.
So they reached out with words of encouragement.
For example, Senator James Lankford said...
[ Laughter ]
Senator Cory Booker said...
[ Laughter ]
And then --
then Senator Peter Welch said...
[ Laughter ]
And Senator Jon Ossoff said...
[ Laughter ]
Then Senator Roger Marshall said...
[ Laughter ]
And Senator Bob Menendez said...
[ Laughter ]
-People are cruel.
-And finally, Senator Jon Tester said...
[ Laughter and applause ]
Wow.
-Wow.
-They're trying to help me.
Well, here's some big political news.
I read that President Biden is planning to announce
his reelection campaign next week.
Does Biden even need to campaign?
I mean, he's run for president three times.
Who's got to be like, I got to learn more about this guy.
Yet the announcement will be early next week,
Biden said before getting down to business,
"I just want to enjoy Coachella."
[ Laughter ]
Well, speaking of Coachella,
today the final weekend kicked off.
Yep, so between Coachella and the new "Super Mario" movie,
it's been a big month for mushrooms.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, a lot of people are excited
for the second weekend of Coachella.
I actually just saw an ad for it.
Check this out.
-This year's Coachella has the most packed lineup.
-Wow, that's a lot of letters. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
[ Humming "Seinfeld" theme ]
That's the band name?
[ Laughs ]
-Hey, guys, people are talking about this.
I heard that Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet are dating.
[ Record scratch ]
-Say what?!
-Yes, yes.
Apparently they've been sneaking around for months,
with sources saying Kylie has mostly been
hanging out at his house.
-Say what?!
-Not only that, but there are reports
that the two were seen kissing backstage at Coachella.
-Say what?!
-And that's not all.
After that, I heard they might even go on
a double date with Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny.
-Enough, Jimmy. Enough.
I can't take it.
It's too much gossip.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-Finally I saw that Carnival band to cruise passengers
because they were caught fishing from the balcony in their room.
[ Laughter ]
Unfortunately, their room overlooked the pool,
but they did pretty well.
They caught six retirees
and a crappy magician.
Yeah, we have a great show.
Let's go write some thank you notes. Come on.
-♪ The man at hand that rule the school ♪
♪ And reach and teach the blind and find a way from A to Z ♪
♪ And be the most to boast I'm loud and proud ♪
♪ The game and reign that remain ♪
♪ The heat is on so feel the fire ♪
-Today is Friday,
and that's usually when I catch up on some personal stuff.
You know, I check my inbox, I returns some emails,
and of course, I send out thank you notes.
And I was running -- [ Cheers and applause ]
running a bit behind today,
so I thought if you guys wouldn't mind,
I'd like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now.
Is that okay with you?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Appreciate it. James, can I get some
thank you note writing music, please?
-Oh, there you go.
[ Laughter ]
Oh -Oh.
It's like dog head.
♪♪
-Thank you, Ron DeSantis' ongoing feud
with Disney World, for making even parents
say let it go.
[ Applause ]
Thank you, weed gummies, for coming in two varieties --
barely feel it or enter the 11th dimension.
[ Applause ]
Whoa.
-[ Groaning ]
[ Slow motion ] Jimmy.
-Oh, wow.
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you, "Super Mario Bros. Movie,"
for being expected to make $1 billion,
or in Mario terms,
[ Coins dinging ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
Thank you, Earth Day, for sounding
like someone suppressing a burp
while saying the word birthday.
Earth Day.
[ Applause ]
Happy [burps] birthday.
-Earth day.
Thank you, SpaceX Starship, for being a failed rocket launch
but a super successful fireworks launch.
[ Applause ]
-Ah, ooh. -Ooh.
Ah, ooh, ah. That's my favorite.
Ooh, ah. No, that one's my favorite.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you, artists, for creating the world's
most beautiful music paintings and subway sandwiches.
[ Applause ]
Thank you, alarm clocks,
for wearing noise canceling headphones.
And there you have it, everybody.
Those are our thank you notes.