[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
GOKU: Hey Piccolo, mind if I ask you somethin'?
PICCOLO: What is it?
GOKU: You’re not human either, right?
PICCOLO: Yeah...?
GOKU: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?
PICCOLO: What about it?
GOKU: Are...
Are you a Yoshi?
PICCOLO [sarcastic]: ...Yes, Goku; I’m a green f***ing dinosaur!
GOKU: Can...
Can I ride you?
PICCOLO: Huuuurrrrgh...!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
[Gohan is crying]
RADITZ: Shut up. [Gohan is crying]
[Gohan is crying]
I said shut up! [Gohan is crying]
[Gohan is crying]
SHUT UP! [Gohan is crying]
Dammit, why isn’t screaming angrily making you cry less?! [Gohan is crying]
[Gohan is crying]
Aw, to hell with this, you're roomin' in the time-out pod. [Gohan is crying]
[Gohan's cries are silenced by Raditz closing the pod door]
'Thank sweet merciful God that’s over.'
Now I can just sit back and--
[Scouter beeps]
...beat the crap out of whoever’s coming, (Sigh), great...
GOKU: Raditz, give me back my son!
Wheeeeee!
RADITZ: Hmmm... so, you’re here already... and I see you brought the Namekian as well.
GOKU: A-actually, that hasn’t been explained yet.
RADITZ: Oh...
Well, it’s not like anyone cares about him anyway.
PICCOLO: Well, screw you too!
{THUD}
GOKU: Piccolo? You use weighted training clothes as well?
PICCOLO: No, Goku; I just *love* to get naked when I’m around you.
RADITZ: 'Their power level is rising...'
So... nudity makes you stronger on this planet!
[Raditz unzips]
GOKU: Uh, no; we’re wearing weighted clothing.
[Raditz zips back up] RADITZ: Oh... of course!
Because that would be ridiculous! A-hahahaha...!
[Awkward silence]
PICCOLO: So that hair *does* compensate for something.
PHIL KEN SEBBEN: Ha ha! Dangly parts.
RADITZ: SHUT UP!
GOKU: ERGH! PICCOLO: OOARGH!
PICCOLO: OK, what the hell was that?
GOKU: I don’t know! But let’s try it again...
from *behind*!
GOKU: AHHHH! PICCOLO: HURRRGH!
AGHH! GUWAH!
PICCOLO: We *really* shouldn’t be announcing our attack strategy--
GOKU: Rush him!
PICCOLO: Dammit, Goku!
GOKU: HURRRGH! PICCOLO: Will you at least try to dodge this one?!
PICCOLO: Will you at least try to dodge this one?!
GOKU: Dodge wha--?
WHOA, GEEZ!
PICCOLO: ARRGH!
GOKU: Ha! You missed me--!
RADITZ: My bad.
GOKU: AGH! Ugh!
{SLAM} GOKU: AGH! Ugh!
RADITZ: [chuckling] Hu-hu-hu-hu!
GOKU: 'Note to self: Less talky, more fighty.'
Ahh...
Hey, Piccolo, we may be taking a beating,
but at least we managed to dodge that one.
High fiiii-EEEE-ee!
Uh... handsha--
Thumbs u--
...G-good job.
RADITZ: HAHA, AHAHAha, AHAHha!
"Aw, excuse me, has anyone seen my arm? You can’t miss it - it’s green!" Hahaha...!
[Raditz continues to laugh] PICCOLO: Yeah... anyway, listen.
I’ve got one more attack that should do it. Upside is, I can use it with one arm.
GOKU: And what's the down side?
PICCOLO: You’ll have to distract him while I charge it...
GOKU: That's not too ba--
PICCOLO: ...For five minutes.
And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one-- eh...
ah, never mind, I’m sure you can handle it.
GOKU: Wow... you really have that much faith in me?
PICCOLO: Yeah, sure... why not?
GOKU: Well then, I won’t disappoint you.
Here goes nothin'!
HURRRGH! Ready or not, here I co--!
AGGGHH! [Sounds of Goku getting thrashed throughout]
PICCOLO [to the tune of “Mahna Mahna”]: ♪ 'Dun dunnnn duh dun dun...' ♪
♪ 'Mahna mahna' ♪
♪ 'Dun duh dun duh...' ♪
♪ 'Mahna mahna. Dunnn duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh, dunna' ♪
♪ 'I'm a chargin’ my attack.' ♪
GOKU: Ha! Got your tail!
RADITZ: Please let me go?
GOKU: Well... since you asked nicely...
AHHH!
[Goku continues to get pummeled]
PICCOLO: 'Perhaps on second thought, a whole five-minute startup time for an attack
is preeetty abysmal in terms of usability in battle...'
GOKU: Piccolo help!
Ha! Got your tail! Again!
RADITZ: Please let go?
GOKU: I’m not falling for that again!
RADITZ: Pretty please let me go?
GOKU: Wellllll...
Ooh, OW! Spine!
OW! Ribs! Definitely ribs!
RADITZ: Aha! Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one-on-one battle...
A cunning strategy!
No... no n-not “cunning”...
What’s the opposite of that?
PICCOLO: "Retarded"?
RADITZ: That's it! Thank you!
Now, disregarding the Namekian, I--
GOKU: Uh-uh! A Yoshi!
PICCOLO: I’m not a goddamn Yoshi!
GOKU: But you said you were!
PICCOLO: It’s called "sarcasm"!
GOKU: What’s that taste like?
PICCOLO: Damn it, Goku!
{CRACK} GOKU: AHH! RADITZ: STOP IGNORING ME!
GOKU: Aagh, my *ribs*! *I think you broke my*...!
[dreamily] Mmmmmm~ ribs...
RADITZ: Eurrrgh!
GOKU: Ow. RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop...
GOKU: Ow. Ow. RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring...
GOKU: Ow. Ow. Ow! RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring... me...
RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring... me... and
[Scouter beeps] RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop...ignoring...me...and DIE!
[Scouter beeps] Huh?
GOHAN: Stop beating up my Daddy~!
{BOOM}
GOHAN: AAAHH! RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--!
AAAUGH! My space armor!
PICCOLO: We get it; you’re from space!
RADITZ: Ughh! Uhhhh...!
{THUD} GOHAN: Uhh!
GOKU: G-Gohan?
GOHAN: Huh?
GOKU: What... was that?
GOHAN: Daddy!
GOKU: No, no; seriously, what the hell was that?
We were getting slaughtered out there, and you could do tha--
[Gohan whimpers]
Oh, crap... [Gohan whimpers]
RADITZ: Uncle Raditz is PISSED!!
{DING}
{WHAM}
GOKU: Wait... hold on!
RADITZ: Or what? Mr. Shattered Ribs is going to stop me?
GOKU: Listen, you don’t understand!
Nothing you could do could ever compare to what
Chi-Chi would do to me if she found out he died.
RADITZ: Well, sucks to be you.
GOKU: 'I don’t have any choice. I have to use my last technique!'
RADITZ: NOW, DIE!
[Dramatic sting] GOKU: Full Nelson!
RADITZ: A Full Nelson? That won’t work on me; I’m *Raditz*!
[Both Saiyans grunt]
RADITZ: OK, let go!
[Both Saiyans continue to grunt]
RADITZ: Seriously, this is starting to piss me off!
Hurh! GOKU: Piccolo!
PICCOLO: Ready!
RADITZ: HURRRGH! GOKU: Good!
Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing. I’m right behind him!
RADITZ: HURGGH!
PICCOLO: Oh, sure. I’ll give you a signal.
It’ll be the last signal you’ll ever *get*!
[distant] Muahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahahaa!
[distant] Muahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahahaa! GOKU: Well, OK, as long as we’re clear on that.
PICCOLO: MAKANSA...
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh),
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP...
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP... (Sigh),
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP... (Sigh), MEKKASAPPA...
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP... (Sigh), MEKKASAPPA... oh, to hell with it!
SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!
RADITZ [choked]: Aaah...!
GOKU: Is that what you’re going to yell out when you--
OH, GOD!!
RICOLA GUY: Riiiiiicolaaaa--
{BOOM} AAAHAAHAAH!
RADITZ: Aagh!
GOKU: Augh!
RADITZ: Dammit! Ungh...
And there was no way I could have gotten out of there!
PICCOLO: You know, you could’ve flown.
RADITZ: Damn you, hindsiiiiight!
Bleh.
KRILLIN [through speakers]: Goku! After several hours of debating, we decided you might need our--
[Jet engine groaning]
...*Aah, crap*.
Goku!
You can't die!
Here, I brought a Senzu bean!
GOKU: I don’t think that’s gonna work.
KRILLIN: Why not?
GOKU: I sort of have a hole in my esophagus...
KRILLIN: Wait, then how are you breathing?
GOKU: U-uhh...
KRILLIN: Goku?
GOKU [sotto]: Huhh...
KRILLIN: Goku...? GOKU [sotto]: Huhh...
KRILLIN: Holy crap...
I’m not the first person to die in this series!!
[Needle scratch] ROSHI: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What?
ROSHI: Too soon!
BULMA: I can’t believe he’s gone.
PICCOLO: Yeah. Pity, that.
RRAAAARRRGH!!
Errrughh...
KRILLIN: Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate?
PICCOLO: Yeah; and you know what else?
KRILLIN: What?
PICCOLO: I’mtakingGohanBye!
KRILLIN: Quick... somebody stop him!
[Chirping crickets]
Dammit, Roshi!
ROSHI: Shut up, Krillin.
{DING}
KRILLIN: Aww...
[Captions by Proavok] [♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
GOKU: Gohan! Do a Headbutt!
[♫ Pokémon battle music ♫] GOHAN: GoooHAN!