Number 8 Dana Johnson and Keiana Wilson On December the 19th of 2018, Michigan
women Dana Johnson and Keiana Wilson, aged 18 and 40, respectively, were stopped by loss prevention
officers at a Target in Bloomfield Township. The duo had tried to walk away with a shopping cart
containing roughly $1,900 in unpaid electronics, even though the store was filled with police
officers at the time. The Bloomfield Township Police Department along with Sylvan Lake,
Keego Harbor and Orchard Lake police departments hosted a “Shop with a Cop” event. Over a dozen
members of law enforcement were at the scene helping underprivileged children choose gifts
for their families. Johnson and Wilson had tried to pull the ill-fated theft only feet away from
them. Predictably, security personnel asked for police support and the two women were arrested
on felony retail fraud charges. The Keego Harbor Police Department posted about the incident on its
Facebook, adding a tongue-in-cheek comment that a special episode of “Dumb Criminal Minds” was
likely being filmed live in the store. Number 7 Bryelle Marshall
Law enforcement in Albuquerque, New Mexico, spotted a young woman passed out behind the
wheel of a Volkswagen that was parked in trailer park driveway, on February the 17th of 2017. An
officer recorded the interaction that followed. Bryelle Marshall started crying as she stepped
out of the vehicle, with the officer trying to calm her down, later noting in a complaint that
she had trouble standing and smelled of alcohol. Marshall was uncooperative during field tests and,
at one point, decided to prove her sobriety by doing two cartwheels. The officer warned
her that she’d face arrest if she didn’t stop, but Marshall ignored him and went for a third display
of acrobatics, that ended with her falling to the ground. According to the complaint,
as the officer tried to resume the field test, Marshall kicked him in the groin. He wasn’t hurt
while the intoxicated young woman was taken into custody on charges of battery, aggravated DUI and
driving with an expired license plate. Number 6 Jamie Lee Sharp
On January the 11th of 2015, Jamie Lee Sharp and James Honeywell, both in their mid-20s,
burglarized a home in Gloucester, England. They stole a large television, a wallet and
other small items in addition to the keys to a high-performance car. Sharp then started
filming himself driving the vehicle, a Porsche Boxster, and called friends to brag about it. He
told them to listen to the engine as he revved his supposed new car. Moments later, he lost control
of the Porsche, crashed into a wall and became trapped in the wreck. Honeywell fled, while the
emergency services later pulled an unconscious Sharp from the mangled vehicle. He recovered
and was jailed for four years after he admitted offences including burglary of the Porsche owner's
home and aggravated vehicle taking. A sentencing judge called his bragging behind the wheel of
the stolen vehicle an “extremely unpleasant aggravating feature of the case”. Honeywell
was also arrested and his defense described him as acting under Sharp’s influence, before he was
jailed for 35 months. The car theft was featured on an episode of the TV show “Britain’s Dumbest
Criminals” which would eventually become the means of identification in another of Sharp’s
botched crimes. In 2017, while he was on parole for the previous theft, Sharp burglarized the
home of Portia Shipway, in Hardwicke, near Gloucester. True to form, among other items,
he also stole the woman’s car, a Vauxhall Zafira. CCTV systems belonging to Shipway’s neighbor
captured good quality footage of Sharp in action. The woman shared them on social media and users,
some of whom had recognized the man from his appearance on the TV show, pointed to him as
the culprit. Sharp was jailed for four years and four months after, once again, pleading guilty to
burglary and vehicle theft. Number 5 Simon Tu
Following a traffic incident that took place in July of 2019, a man in his late 20s was branded
Australia’s dumbest criminal prior to being sentenced to multiple years in prison. Simon
Tu crashed his Toyota HiAce van into stationary cop cars in Sydney's Eastwood neighborhood. The
collision was captured on CCTV and one of the vehicles sustained heavy damage to its front
but Tu kept driving. When the police pulled him over, about an hour later, the man told them that
he’d been delivering food but was fidgeting and refused to meet the officers’ eyes. He blamed
“microsleep” for the earlier accident but his behavior triggered suspicion, prompting
a search of his vehicle. As law enforcement opened up the cardboard boxes in the back,
one officer turned to the driver and said “Someone isn't going to be happy. You know how much it's
worth?” Tu simply replied “A lot”. It turned out that he’d been transporting over 570 pounds
of crystal methamphetamine, worth close to $100 million. He was arrested in what was subsequently
described as one of the easiest drug busts in the history of New South Wales Police. Tu’s failings
as a drug runner were even criticized by his own barrister, who described it as a shambolic and
incompetent effort by a man who normally worked as a courier. Tu never offered much information
about his employers but it was reported that he’d resorted to transporting drugs as he
was struggling with addiction and financial difficulties. He was eventually sentenced to
6 years and 6 months in prison, and would have to serve four years before being eligible for parole.
Number 4 Albert Bailey
In March of 2010, law enforcement in Connecticut reacted in amusement to what they described as a
"definitely unusual technique" displayed by a bank robbing duo who’d decided to phone-in their heist.
On the 23rd of the month, a man called a branch of the People's Bank in Fairfield demanding that
$100,000 in large bills be gathered for pick up. He threatened that a “bloodbath” would be carried
out if the orders weren’t obeyed, with one of the instructions being that no dye packs be included.
Predictably, the bank worker on the other end hung up and immediately called 911. The building went
on lockdown, while one of the robbers was already inside. He handed the teller a note while the
employee was on the phone with the police, giving them a play-by-play of the situation inside. The
robber collected $900 and asked to be let out, but patrol cars were already at the scene when
he tried to make his escape. He fled on foot to a car where his accomplice was waiting. One of the
men was identified as 27-year-old Albert Bailey while the other, a teenager, wasn’t named. Both
were taken into custody without incident and, when one of them threw the bag of money on the ground,
it exploded in dye. They were charged with first degree robbery and threatening in the
first degree. At the time, Bridgeport resident Bailey was on probation for another bank heist,
which had occurred several years prior. Number 3 Silver Spring Robbery Attempt
A Maryland man called 911, in early January of 2022, to say that he’d heard rustling
outside his Silver Spring home and that it was possibly being targeted by a robber. As reported
by NBC Washington, the police arrived at the scene shortly after the call had been placed,
at around 3:30 in the morning. Law enforcement found no evidence of a break-in and subsequently
left but received a second call, about an hour later, with the homeowner claiming he’d heard
moaning inside his walls. Upon their return, the police found that the top of the chimney
had been removed. Firefighters were called-in for support when it became clear that a man had
tried to rob the home by making his way inside through the chimney. In doing so, however, he’d
gotten stuck. Neither the suspect nor homeowner was named but photos and videos from inside the
home showed rescuers’ 90-minute-long extraction effort. Firefighters took out a piece of the
fireplace wall brick by brick and then removed the would-be burglar through the resulting hole.
The police escorted him to the hospital, where he was treated for minor injuries before facing the
consequences of his fumbled burglary attempt. Today’s topic was requested by Swnsasy. if
you have any other topics you’d like to learn about subscribe and let us know in
the comments section below. Number 2 Kandy Alarcon
In August of 2022, a shop owner from Houston, Texas, followed a shoplifter home and confronted
her, capturing the interaction in a video that later went viral on TikTok and other social
media platforms. For roughly five years, Sophia Milan had owned the Erotic Cabaret Boutique,
a small business that sold swimsuits, costumes, lingerie and adult-only items. She’d been spending
the day with her parents when her manager alerted her that a woman had stolen from the store. The
suspected shoplifter, subsequently identified as Kandy Alarcon, had completely ignored the
surveillance cameras which recorded her placing items in her bag. She then got on a METRO bus,
with Milan’s manager following suit. Upon hearing the news, Milan chased after the bus in her car
and boarded it at the next stop. She sat next to Alarcon before pulling out her phone. The latter
appeared bewildered and uncomfortable with being filmed but was otherwise calm as Milan loudly
announced that she’d stolen from her. The business owner told the camera that she was going to follow
Alarcon home because she’d agreed to pay for the merchandise there. Milan looked through her purse
and found items that included a schoolgirl skirt, a costume, bras, lubricant, and female stimulants,
estimated at a combined $600. Alarcon got off near Kirby, as did Milan and her manager. They
followed her on foot while talking to the police, who eventually took the shoplifter
into custody and charged her with misdemeanor theft. The description of the last video,
which showed Alarcon being arrested, read that the police had found more stolen products on her,
which came from Banana Republic, Target and Adam and Eve. As Milan’s video went viral, other store
owners contacted her and reported having had issues with Alarcon. They even shared footage of
her in the act, as the woman had repeated the same careless and callous behavior a number of times
in the past. At the time of her theft at the boutique, she was actually on probation
for a misdemeanor theft case, from 2021, after she’d stolen two dresses from a Saks Off 5th.
Number 1 Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller In the fall of 2009, a homeowner in Carroll, Iowa,
called the police to report that two men had tried to break into his house. The victim gave
investigators a description of the culprits’ vehicle and they were pulled over a few blocks
away. Law enforcement faced no difficulty in confirming that the two men, 23-year-old
Matthew Allan McNelly and 20-year-old Joey Lee Miller, had been responsible for the attempted
invasion. The victim had told them the suspects had painted faces and the police found that,
in lieu of more conventional disguises, the two men had drawn masks on their faces in permanent
marker. They actually still displayed the crudely-drawn black streaks in their mugshot
photos. The Carroll police chief later jokingly told CNN "we're very skilled investigators and
the black faces gave them right away". He also described the incident as having the
best mix of funny and weird he’d seen in over 28 years working on the force. The chief also noted
that both men were intoxicated at the time and had targeted the home because one of them believed his
girlfriend was having a relationship with the man who lived there. They were charged with attempted
burglary while McNelly was additionally charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
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