Is there a tattoo that is so cliched,
if someone asks for it, you say, "Don't do that?"
I stopped doing names a while ago, of partners.
Yes. Oh.
'Cause that's definitely the number one coverup.
And so many times when I was doing it, in my head,
I'm like, "It's not gonna, this isn't gonna work out."
They would know the person after like a week.
And finally I just said, "No, I can't.
I can't do it anymore."
You know, I have met hardcore fans many times
who have, there's a little sort of cartoon Conan insignia,
and they have that.
I don't think it's ever been a guy.
It's always a woman, but they have it on their ankle
or they have it somewhere on their arm.
They have the little Conan face
and I don't know how I feel about it,
because, I mean, I know I should be flattered
and I'm glad that they're a fan,
but nothing is less attractive to me
than my face on another woman's body.
(Kristina laughing)
I don't know why that is, but I just,
I feel sad for everyone.
I feel sad for them, myself, everybody.
(laughs) Oh, no.
So you're a tattoo artist and I thought it was,
how long does it take to do your average tattoo?
Forget a flaming eagle clutching a nuclear submarine
and saying something in Russian.
Whoa.
Wow.
[Conan] Well, that's the tattoo I would get.
[Matt] That I endorse.
Yeah. Flaming eagle clutching a nuclear submarine.
Oh my god.
And then quoting from Mao's Red Book, but in Russian.
That is the tattoo that I would get across my back someday,
when it's time.
But my question for you is,
it must take a couple of hours to do a tattoo.
Do you talk to the people
while you're giving them the tattoo?
Yes, I love it. That's probably my favorite part.
People get, you know, people definitely open up to you
while you're tattooing them.
It's such a vulnerable time
and I love hearing dating stories and just getting deep.
Do you ever get anybody that you're five minutes in,
you're like, "Oh no, this is a mistake.
This is two hours of a conversation
that I don't have the capacity for."
(Kristina laughing)
Well, there was a tattoo that I did on this gentleman
who came in and he got a name
and it had a character next to it
and he initially disguised it
as a tattoo for a cousin, I believe.
And when I was doing the finishing touches on it,
he revealed to me that it was actually for someone
that he was in love with and...
Which breaks your rule. This breaks your cardinal rule.
Yes, and then he lifted his sleeve up
and had numerous other names.
No.
[Kristina] Women's names on him.
Oh, no. This is a true crime story.
(Kristina laughing)
You are going to be a witness.
I was horrified. (laughs)
Yeah.
So you were done with the tattoo at that point.
Was he back a week later trying to get another name
put on there?
And was it yours?
[Conan] Yeah.
(all laughing)
Could you put Kristina on here? It's a different Kristina.
She's a tattoo artist from Bamerio, California.
(Matt and Kristina laughing)
I'm gonna pitch you an idea
and I want you to think about it, Kristina.
And Matt, you're an expert in this space. I am not.
I've dabbled and stumbled into the podcast space.
What about making it a podcast?
What if, and I'm not even kidding,
what if Kristina had a podcast?
So you recorded your conversations
while you're tattooing people
and then we edited it down, tightened it up.
You'd get these fascinating stories from people
and then people could go online
and they could look at the tattoo.
That's a brilliant idea.
[Kristina] Yeah.
This reminds me, there's a podcast
where people do therapy, but the patients are anonymous.
And so the tattoo client could be anonymous.
[Conan] Yes.
[Kristina] Oh, cool.
And you could get all the juice out.
No, no, listen. I'm a guy who comes up with ideas.
[Matt] That's good. (Kristina laughing)
It has sustained me since, well, my whole life, really.
(Conan laughing sarcastically)
But I think that this would be a podcast
I would listen to.
Yes, I know someone's gonna,
damn it, someone's gonna rip this off.
This is gonna air, this is gonna go out there,
I always say air.
What is the proper term, Gourley? This is gonna drop?
I guess drop or, yeah.
I don't know that there is a good term,
if you wanna coin one now, yeah.
Let's come up with one.
You know, this is gonna, this is gonna hit the caramel.
Let's call it "hit the caramel."
I like that.
This is gonna hit the caramel.
That means the podcast has been released,
in my official terminology.
This episode's gonna hit the caramel
and someone's gonna rip this off immediately.
'Cause it's such a good idea, trademark.
Yeah, if it hasn't been done a hundred times already,
because there's a million podcasts,
but if it hasn't, we should get on this.
Yeah, I don't think that it has.
I talked to one of my good friends Jess about it actually,
'cause we were like, dang, like,
people tell us the craziest stories
while they're getting tattooed.
It sounds really entertaining.
I think this could be, I think this could be a podcast
and I've now, can you verbally agree to do this with me,
Kristina, right now?
And just trust me on any kind of financial arrangement
that might ensue?
Yes.
What? No!
[Matt] Okay, wow.
That's a mistake. Kristina, no.
Hey, she technically said yes.
Doesn't matter how she said it.
(Conan laughing)
Tattoo therapy, here we come.
Yeah. (laughs)
There's a pun with ink that's really obvious
that we're not thinking of right now,
but we'll come up with it or sleeve or something like that.
Heart on the Sleeve.
[Kristina] Oh, cute.
Ooh, that's good.
That's pretty good.
Okay, so we've got the title, Heart on the Sleeve.
I've got a verbal agreement from Kristina,
this will be a podcast that we are going to produce.
You've also made it very clear,
and this will be played in court,
because you are going to sue me,
that you're fine with whatever arrangement financial
that I decide to make.
Now at first you'll notice no money's coming in.
And then later, about two years later,
you'll notice really no money is coming in.
Trust me.
And you'll notice on the street,
a lot of people are saying, "I love your podcast, Kristina.
I listen to it all the time and so do all my friends
and I can't believe AmEx is doing ads on it."
And you'll still see no money.
And then you'll notice that I'm walking around
in a yachting cap. (laughs)
And I'll be getting bills.
(Conan laughing)
You're losing money on this.
You start to lose money. (laughs)
Oh, gosh.
And I started to wear solid gold Nike basketball sneakers
that are very uncomfortable.