The walking contradiction INFJ personality type is considered both kind yet blunt, reserved
yet social, but more specifically, every INFJ holds the opposing demeanor of being both
easy going and seemingly uptight in some ways.
Of course, they don’t intentionally project these opposing qualities, and luckily most
people are completely oblivious to these countered qualities.
But how is it that they can in fact be both?
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Number 1: The clash between their inner and outer world
The first and most obvious reason the contradictory INFJ is able to be both uptight and seemingly
easy-going is the difference between their at-times chaotic inner world and their harmonious
outer world.
With introverted intuition as their most dominant function, INFJs are naturally equipped with
an elaborate inner world, one of constant problem solving, future-projecting, and observation.
However, it’s not always easy experiencing such an influx of inner thoughts, and since
there is no escape or off button, these thoughts can get quite sporadic at times.
In comparison to their outer world in which for the most part, INFJs are able to keep
cool, calm and collected, their inner conversations and worries can feel quite controlling and
uneasy.
In fact, some INFJs even claim feeling too controlled by their inner thoughts, leaving
little room for the spontaneity that life has to offer.
Of course, this isn’t always apparent from the outside looking in, but if someone sticks
around long enough for an INFJ to feel fully comfortable around them, they’ll begin to
see the inner chaos and structure that goes on upstairs..
Which brings us to our next point..
Number 2: Their uptight demeanor only becomes apparent to close friends and family
They say you never really know the INFJ fully until they let you..
And that takes a considerable amount of time, vulnerability and trust in order to get there.
So.. what exactly does the INFJ have to hide?
Are they really as passive and peaceful as they seem when they’re in the real world?
Well.. the short answer is no.
INFJs have a hidden side to them, a seemingly darker side, and it all stems from this inner
world we were walking about.
Now, it’s not to say that INFJs are consciously putting on a front when in the general public,
but when they’re in the comfort of their own minds, and the company of their closest
people, they’re able to let loose..
And in doing so, their deeper thoughts and feelings begin to seep out.
Feelings of being overwhelmed, overworked, and uncertain are very real for this personality
type, and only a few lucky ones get to witness it.
So, while they’re able to actively tailor their vibes and emotions to best match whoever
they’re surrounded by, as soon as they’re able to be themselves, it’s as if the thoughts
they’ve subconsciously concealed are projected verbally and energetically.
Their inner complaints and judgements become apparent, and their so-called breezy demeanor
is eventually wiped away.
Number 3: They don’t force influence, but also don’t want to be influenced
Depending on who the INFJ is dealing with, sometimes it doesn't take a close relationship
for people to see their uptight and stubborn side.
This is because while INFJs love to inspire others to be the best versions of themselves,
they rarely push their values and ideas on others due to the understanding that what
works for them may not work for everyone.
They try to work with people on their level, and even then, if someone isn’t interested
in their personal opinion they have no problem with just accepting them as they are.
So, in this sense, the INFJ personality type can seem rather easy-going and non-judgmental.
However, if someone tries to push their views upon the INFJ with complete disregard as to
how their views clash with the INFJs precious morals..they’ll see a side to this personality
type that they weren’t expecting.
In fact, there's nothing that urks an INFJ more than close-minded people telling them
that the way they view things is inherently wrong.
And it can be even more frustrating because most of the time, this introspective type
doesn't even have the words to describe their reasoning.
So, if they don’t completely ignore this individual, they may become noticeably uneasy
within the conversation..
Using short remarks and facial expressions that show their discomfort in hopes that these
social cues speak for themselves.
But to others, it may seem like they’re unwilling to participate in an opposing narrative.
Number 4: They’re calm when certain things are in place
Organization, predictable outcomes and stable surroundings are just a few of the things
that most INFJs need to feel properly balanced in life.
However, if these things are jeopardized, as they so often are with the unforeseeable
aspects of life, this otherwise calm and centered personality type can feel quite frantic.
Sure, everyone goes through times when they feel like life has it out for them, but for
the highly sensitive INFJ, it doesn’t necessarily need to reach this point for them to feel
seriously frustrated and on edge.
Sometimes they can get overwhelmed and uptight over the smallest things, and it’s usually
when they’ve exhausted their social and mental energy, but it can also happen in times
of needed concentration.
If they’re being constantly disrupted or bombarded when they know they need a recharge,
INFJs have no choice but to control their environment to avoid mentally blowing a gasket.
It can seem harsh and unexpected in the moment, but when you’re constantly absorbing surrounding
energies, solving countless problems, and being the go-to person for other people’s
mental sake, taking control can be the healthiest move in order to stay afloat.
In other words, INFJs wouldn’t be able to be their easy-going selves if they didn’t
have moments of calling the shots.
Number 5: They can easily be the calm to the storm
Sometimes, an INFJs calm demeanor is all an act.
Sometimes they don’t want to seem bothered because they don’t want others to have that
control over them..
And other times they don’t want to seem bothered in order to bring a sense of calmness
to others in times of disarray.
Usually, INFJs aren’t affected by certain information and situations as others may be
because of their sense of deep understanding..
And this is one of the main reasons people feel so drawn to the wise energy of the INFJ
during uncertainty.
However, there comes a time in every INFJs life where they are in fact completely thrown
off by life's unexpected twists and turns, yet they act unbothered because that’s what
they’re used to, and that’s what’s expected of them.
If the INFJ can’t handle it, the people in their lives may feel like they don’t
even have a chance..so they act as that anchor to avoid any further chaotic feelings that
may be brought upon them.
But aside from that, sometimes it just takes a little longer for the INFJ to really process
what’s going on.
They use their autopilot lack of reaction and empathy to weather the storm in the moment,
only to feel deeply disturbed by what has happened after the fact.
Number 6: They don’t communicate their boundaries until it’s too late
INFJs can easily let things go for the sake of their longed-for harmonious life.
They choose to be unbothered because sometimes it’s just not worth opening that can of
worms in the moment.
So, they come off as mellow and placid to others, even though they know they’re not
completely accepting of the issue at hand.
Yet, in spite of this natural tendency, sometimes avoiding communication in a particular manner
only ends up wreaking havoc in the future.
This habit is mostly pertaining to their relationships and obligations such as work and parenting.
Overtime, INFJs may maintain that harmony they long for on the surface, but on the inside
their uncommunicated boundaries become the end-all-be-all, leaving them with no choice
but to communicate every disappointment they’ve buried all at once, much to the surprise of
the receiver.
For example, an INFJ may passively or jokingly express their bothersome feelings to their
romantic partner only to remain confused as to why their partner isn’t making any changes..
Eventually they’ll find themselves feeling seriously uptight and on-edge about these
minor inconveniences, projecting an out-of-character energy that they were trying to avoid all
along.
Number 7: They become a little more easy-going as they get older
Like most people experience, there are times in life where you need to be a little more
controlling, and then there's times when you can kick your feet back and let things flow.
For the INFJ, the flow they long for usually comes later in life.
Life and future-planning is taken very seriously by the INFJ in their younger years.
They want to know their purpose, who they’re supposed to be, who they’re supposed to
be with, and how to avoid the unavoidable.
They’re always questioning if they're on the right track in life, and this can pose
some seriously uptight viewpoints and self criticisms.
But, as life goes on, INFJs learn to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Overtime they’re able to pick up on the idea that life isn’t meant to be thoroughly
planned, and they don’t have to be so fixated on learning all the lessons.
Older INFJs allow themselves to be a little more playful with less expectations..and that’s
when their easy-going, harmonious outer world becomes intune with their inner world, something
they’ve longed for all their lives.
Alright PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today..
So, if you’re an INFJ yourself, would you consider yourself more uptight than easy-going
or the latter?
Let us know in the comments below!
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