In this video, we're going to be talking about five signs that your ex is scared to get back
with you. But first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life, we hope you get the great
loving relationship you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having
to play hard, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not
because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are.
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Also in this video, we're going to be talking about your ex's emotional world and helping
them through challenging emotions that they might be experiencing that could be keeping
them from actually getting back together with you. If you like our full blueprint on how
to navigate that full spectrum of your ex's emotions, it's called the Ex Solution Program.
You can find a link for it down below description box for this video.
It takes you through a lot of the issues that we're going to be talking about in this video.
And it helps you to create a stronger emotional connection with them so that they don't feel
scared about getting back together with you and actually start to feel confident about
a potential new future with you. Anyway, not going to hard sell you on that, but it is
down there if you're curious about it.
First of all, the first sign that your ex is scared to get back with you is that they
might be creating distance between the two of you. Things like taking a little bit longer
to respond to text messages than maybe they normally would. And there's not really anything
specific that's causing them to you take a little bit longer. They're not like working
crazy hours, they're not taking care of some relative at the hospital or something like
that. They're there just doing their normal life, but it's taking them a lot longer, whatever
a lot means. People have a certain timeframe that they usually text back in. But if that
is starting to get longer and longer, it just shows that they're starting to feel a little
bit cautious about getting to close to you. And they're trying to create that distance
so they don't get too close to you and potentially start to ... This is one of my clients said,
catch feelings for you. You don't want them to feel like they have to keep some sort of
distance from you.
So you want to call that out. You want to address it and work together with them to
see if there is some sort of concern that they have about potentially getting back together
with you, about potentially getting closer to you. But distancing is definitely one sign
that they are scared and that they do enjoy interacting you, but they're trying to put
the brakes on it because they're afraid of getting too far ahead of themselves.
The second sign that your ex is scared to get back with you is they're clinging to practical
reasons, practical reasons to avoid getting back together with you. Or that's like, "Oh,
we're long distance. I do like you, but we're just long distance." Or, "I really do like
you, but I'm still in this relationship with this other person." This rebound relationship,
right? So if there's practical reasons that are keeping them apart, that just shows that
the emotional reasons are probably mostly gone. And maybe they're just kind of scared
to actually take the plunge to actually get off the fence and actually turn the possibility
of a relationship with you from some sort of theoretical thing, into a concrete, actual
thing that is going to actually take place in the real world.
Because at some point your ex starts interacting with you and they are seeing it as this theoretical
thing. What would it be like to talk to my ex again? What would it be like to interact
with my ex again? What would it be like to send them a message? What would it be like
to meet up? What would it be like to talk to them again? And it's just kind of theoretical
things. There's no actual intention to follow through on it.
But as the two of you actually start to build up a stronger emotional connection, it goes
from the theoretical into like, "Oh wow, I actually have feelings for my ex. What does
that mean? Does that mean I need to tell all my friends and family that we're seeing again.
I want to make sure that this is the real deal before I tell everyone, because if I
tell them and then we just end up breaking up again, then I'm going to feel silly." Or,
"I want to make sure this is the real deal before I end a rebound relationship and get
back together with you, because I don't want to break up with someone else, come to you,
and it turns out you don't want to be in a relationship with me and then I feel silly."
Things like that.
So they're just clinging to these practical reasons. And what you need to do is you need
to show them that there's going to actually be something for them to step into if they
actually start to rearrange their life so that the practical reasons are out of the
way. And they can actually get back together with you.
The third sign that your ex is scared to get back with you is if they are exhibiting what
we call hot and cold behaviors. That is to say, one moment they're very warm and they're
open. And they're saying things like, "Hey, I really miss you. I think I made a big mistake
breaking up with you. I think I still have feelings for you." All these sorts of things.
And then maybe even the next day, they might give you the complete 180. And they might
say, "No, it was great that we broke up. We should just be friends. I think that our breakup
happened for a reason. We're just so incompatible." Stuff like that. That's like a total 180 from
the day before.
And then maybe you get the cold and then maybe the next day you get the hot again. And then
they're just coming at you again like, "Oh, I just miss you so much. We just have so much
in common" All that stuff. It can be really confusing for you. I promise you, it's also
really confusing for them as well too. But it just shows that there's these two emotions
doing like a tug of war on them back and forth in both directions. Obviously there's the
positive feeling that they feel for you, which is causing them to give you that warm side.
And then there's the memory of the negativity or the memory of all the feelings and pain
and hurt and everything like that from the past, that's pulling them towards the cold
side and it's this tug of war that's happening back and forth.
This is all stuff that we cover inside of our playlist on the five emotional stages
your ex goes through. This is called riding the dragon. I'll put a link up to the five
stages that your ex goes through playlist up there in a video card. Check it out if
you have no idea what I'm talking about, if you're new to the channel, but before you
do that, please make sure you hit that thumbs up button and subscribe. So with that being
said, that is sign number three.
Sign number four that your ex is scared to get back with you, is that the core reason
why the breakup happened still hasn't been addressed. Usually when I talk to people,
they know why the breakup happened. Occasionally someone will come forward and like, "Yeah,
I just got totally blindsided. We were totally great. Everything was perfect. And then one
day they're just like, Hey, let's break up." But usually people know why the breakup happened.
They could kind of see the problems building up and maybe they didn't know it was that
bad. And then suddenly it turned out it was that bad, obviously, but usually they could
see it coming.
And so most people know why the breakup happened. And if that hasn't been addressed, if it hasn't
been resolved in some way, if there hasn't been something put in place to either clear
away those hurt feelings, those hurt emotions, or to get you and your ex back on the same
team or to work through any of these pain points or whatever it might be, then your
ex is going to be scared to come back. Even if they do have a lot of positive feelings
for you, they're going to be scared that they're walking back into the same relationship that
they walked out of. And nobody wants to walk back into the same relationship that they
walked out of.
I mean, it potentially can happen, but it's really kind of like a sad and depressing thing.
It's like, Hey, you try to do better than me, but it turns out you can't. Come back
here to old faithful and I'll give you a good time. That's not very inspiring. That's actually
how me and my big ex got back together the first time, notice I said first time, because
we ended up breaking up again later. So pro tip there, address the core reason why the
breakup happened so that you don't have a second breakup. Trust me, I know all this
stuff, because I made all the mistakes myself.
The fifth sign that your ex is scared to get back with you is if they have what are called
positive pullbacks. So the two of you are getting together or interacting in some way.
You're having a great interaction. It's wonderful. You're connecting. It's close. You're thinking,
"Hey, this is great. We're making some real progress here." And then in the couple of
days afterwards, you just notice a big pull back on their part. The interaction went totally
great. The two of you weren't butting heads or disagreeing or arguing or anything like
that, but they're just suddenly silent for no reason afterwards. Why is that?
It's because most of the time, you see, your ex has to create an image of you in their
mind to justify why they're breaking up with you. Because nobody wants to break up with
someone else. Nobody wants to hurt someone else. I mean, when the two of you broke up,
there's probably tears. There's probably hurt feelings. There's probably a lot of sadness
and they don't want to think of themselves as the kind of person that goes out of the
way to hurt other people or make them cry or make them feel sad. And so we all want
to feel as if we are a good people and believe that we're good people out there doing the
right things.
So in order to justify why they had to break up with you, they may need to distort, twist,
augment, exaggerate, modify, embellish the truth a little bit in order to create a story
for themselves that they had no choice, but to break up with you. So if they were little
problems, they'd turn them into big problems. If they were like little minor arguments,
they turned them into big arguments or something like that. So they can tell themselves the
story that like, "Yeah, we really tried, but they just weren't the right person for me.
We were arguing all the time or something like that."
And so what happens is they hold this negative image of you and you know that this negative
image could be totally accurate if things were really bad in your relationship. But
they hold this negative image of you in their mind, accurate or exaggerated, and then when
they interact with you, they're noticing like, okay, I was expecting Mr. Hyde here, but what
I got was Dr. Jekyll.
And so they're like, "Well, which one are you? Are you this negative person that I saw?
Or were you this great person that I interacted with just the other day and we had this great
connection? Was I totally mistaken about my initial belief, that things were terrible
between the two of us? Like, what's going on?" And so they're kind of pulling back to
kind of assess whether it's this one or that one, or what's going on. This is pretty common
and it just shows that they're kind of afraid to kind of surrender and let themselves trust
in the process of actually getting back together.
So anyway, hope it helps you out. I hope that these signs that your ex is scared to get
back with have helped you maybe see something in your relationship. If you like what we're
doing here, please make sure you hit the thumbs up button for this video. And please make
sure that you subscribe down below as well too. If you are interested in learning more
about that roadmap to kind of help your ex through their emotional journey, you might
want to check out our course called the Ex Solution Program, if I can get my hordes out
straight here. The link for that is down in the description box below this video. Not
going to twist your arm on it though, but you know, there it is, if you're curious.
Anyway, with that being said, hope you're having a great day. Please take care. If you
want to learn more about those five stages your ex goes through, please check out this
video playlist right here, or you might want to check out this video over here. Thank you
so much for watching. Please take care. And I'll talk to you the next video.