my brother-in-law his name is Coon
spelled Co en now make some noise if you don't know what the word Coon means oh
that's okay he's so cute he's like I don't want them in no it's great
okay you must be in your 20s I could tell you have the look of hope on your
face so for the two-and-a-half people that don't know Coon is a derogatory
word for a black person okay it's like 12 years it's label that's why you don't
it's like super old and I'm glad that like a lot of young people don't know
that word cuz it's mean and it's going away Obama's president Kanye has an
album we're winning but my husband and I got married in July in Miami because
it's 40% cheaper to get married in hurricane season yeah I like that refund
so I was running errands and I took Coon with me and I went to a Walmart and when
I walked in he was like so many catch ups and ran away with a boner
just like a hard dick mayonnaise is like it was insane but my point is does
anyone in this room know how hard it is to lose your brother-in-law named Khun
at a Walmart in South Florida it's hard it is so hard like I was just like
gently jogging down each aisle cuz I can't run with these tits okay this is
two chihuahuas just always fighting each other you know what I mean that's up
take ol bitties a lot of it's like a fleshy IKEA shelf just always so I'm
gently jogging down each aisle on my car
like a racist ventriloquism like
this employee came up to me she's like did you lose somebody would you like me
to page him I was like no bitch my first Christmas in Holland was super charming
and also very educational I love going to Holland especially when it's cold I
can ride a bike you know eat some chocolate eat like a lot of bread and
cheese before like is that all you're gonna eat I'm like I love this place so
I was there for Christmas and you know we have Santa Claus and there they have
Center Claus you know our Santa Claus has like elves
and like mrs. Claus and like they you know he's got his gang and then sinter
Claus had this like Little Helper with him that was like real dark and I asked
my husband I was like who dad
who it dad and my husband is like oh it's so funny his name is Swartz heat it
translates to black Peter and I'm like
well what happened - black Peter how he get so dark and my man's like it's so
funny it's super funny you see Santa was too big to jump down the chimney so you
know Swart Pete went down for him and he got a bunch of dirt on his face and it
that's how he's so dark I was like why's he look like Wesley Snipes with an afro
so that's how we left it but I did some deep like digging
I did some Wikipedia because that's how you learned shit as an American and it
turns out that sinter Claus definitely had a helper named Swart Pete black
Peter but it turns out he was his legs what he was a slave Santa had a slave
like why is Lee Daniels not on this right now are you kidding Tyler Perry
boner I don't know Oprah somebody and here's
the thing they don't want to get rid of Swart Pete in Holland because they're
like the kids loved him he was so cool like yeah he was tap dancing to save his
life are you kiddin he's like what you want Kennedy I got
you what you need like are you serious and Dutch people love their tradition so
they don't want to get rid of sort P so every year they have him but they can't
find any black people dress up like Zwarte Piet because they have things
like liberty and freedom so every year yeah give it up for freedom sir so every
year they have a white person put on blackface yes sir or a woman I don't
know but here's the deal my in-laws they're not racist my man clearly not
racist he doing it but it's always a sensitive subject because when I see
blackface I think of lynching when my husband sees
blackface he thinks of Christmas presents
and because marriage is a compromise we celebrate Kwanza
you