(bright upbeat music)
- Today, I want to offer seven ways
we can help someone with PTSD
because so often I get asked by members of our community,
how they can help those they love,
or that they feel like they're always doing the wrong things
and wanna know how to make it right.
These seven tips I'm offering are extremely helpful,
but I really dive into these deeper
in my new book "Traumatized".
So if this is something you really need support with,
I strongly suggest pre-ordering yours today.
Because when you order today,
you will receive the first two chapters immediately.
Now let's jump into other ways we can help.
Now I'm gonna start with the seventh way,
and save my best for number one.
But any number may be the most helpful for you.
Number seven, be part of their social support system.
I know this goes without saying,
but when we're struggling with the symptoms of PTSD,
we can want to withdraw,
push people away and not reach out even when we need to.
One of the best things we can do
for our loved ones with PTSD is to reach out and check in
even when they say they don't need us to.
I even talk more about this in number one,
and how we can best show up and be supportive.
So stay tuned and I'll get to that a little bit later.
Sometimes just offering to come over,
pick up food, and sit and watch TV is enough.
I think we can all agree
that when we were feeling our worst,
we often just want someone to be there.
We don't need them to try and fix anything,
or even know what to say.
Just not being alone is an improvement,
and can even stop us from doing something to harm ourselves.
So if you suspect someone in your life has PTSD
or is struggling with any kind of mental illness,
please reach out,
regularly check in and be there for them as much as you can.
Number six, educate ourselves about PTSD,
and what it is.
So often, it seems that society connects PTSD
to going to war or being in a big accident
when it can come from many various experiences
like going through a divorce, being bullied,
or having to move around a lot as a child.
The symptoms can also vary depending on what's going on,
and how the person with PTSD is affected by it.
So knowing that it can cause them to lash out, be impulsive,
and avoid certain places or situations
can help us be more understanding in the moment
or not take a reaction as personally.
There are tons of books, videos, and information online
from people with PTSD
to help guide us to more understanding.
So take some time and look into it.
Number five, get our own support.
When doing our best to support those we love
who are struggling with PTSD symptoms,
it's important that we also have people we can count on
to support us.
And for any of you out there who believe you can just give
and give and give to others
while leaving yourself with scraps,
I'm here to tell you that that will only hurt us later.
We all need a safe space to vent about our life,
and what we're going through.
And that could be with a group of friends, family,
or seeing your own therapist, or going to group therapy.
When my dad passed away, I found group therapy
to be one of the most helpful parts of my own grief process.
Hearing from others going through something similar
was incredibly validating.
So reach out and get some support yourself
so that you can continue
to support your loved one with PTSD.
Number four, learn about their triggers
and avoid them as much as possible.
Now this is going to require us working closely
with our loved one,
because they are going to have to tell us
what they find triggering.
I mean, sure, we can think back to some times
when they got really upset,
like maybe they left an event early or completely shut down
and tried to guess what caused that reaction.
But it's best if we just talk it through with them,
and figure it out.
And they might already know what triggers them,
but if not, we can be detectives about it together.
Considering people, places, things,
and using all five of our senses
to uncover what is upsetting.
And this can take some time,
but it's incredibly helpful
because it not only allows us to be a better support,
and to know what to avoid,
but it also helps those of us with PTSD,
understand our reactions and what's causing them,
which will also help us in therapy
when trying to come up with some coping skills.
So it's really important any way you look at it,
and it's something we should normalize doing
with those we love who have PTSD.
Number three, be consistent.
I talked a little bit about this in number seven,
and part of being a support system
is being a consistent force in someone's life.
This isn't something that's talked about as much,
but it's really important
when it comes to helping someone with PTSD.
Trauma can erode at our sense of self,
trust in people, and the world around us,
and make it hard for us to know how to soothe or calm down.
Being consistent means that we create routines
or rituals during the day
so that they can anticipate what's coming next.
We show up when we say we will to help build
or rebuild trust,
which is kind of the same as keeping our promises,
but I wanted to mention it as well
because it can apply to other aspects of our relationship,
and it can also help to consistently let them know
that you care and are there for them,
and are determined to work through this
and figure out a better way of interacting.
Doing all of these things can help give our loved ones
a sense of security and safety
that they may have thought didn't exist anymore.
And therefore it can be really helpful
in their healing process.
Number two, safety first.
Because trauma pushes us into our stress response,
those of us with PTSD can feel constantly on edge,
and be easily upset.
And this can lead to angry outbursts or fits of rage
and extreme moodiness.
Not to mention that when we have PTSD,
it can be difficult if not impossible
for us to get a good night's sleep,
which can make us even more vulnerable
to emotional outbursts.
In order to keep us and our loved ones safe
physically and emotionally,
it's important that we do our best to remain calm
and not react to their anger.
We may also need to give them some space
so that no one gets hurt.
This may mean walking away during an argument,
or leaving when they become inconsolable.
I know, I know this can feel bad,
and like we're abandoning them,
but it's sometimes necessary for all of us to stay safe
and not say, or do something that we're gonna regret.
I also wanna mention that anger is a secondary emotion,
meaning that it comes to our aid to protect us
from what we really feel.
So if a loved one is acting out of anger,
it's usually because they're hurt,
scared or feeling overwhelmed.
And anger just feels like a safer emotion to express.
And not sure if that helps,
but it can sometimes feel better to know that the anger
doesn't necessarily have anything to do with us.
It's just their way of protecting themselves
from all they're going through.
And number one, and what I think is the most important way
we can help is to let them teach us about their experience.
Too often, we can make assumptions about someone's struggles
and then try to help them in the wrong way.
If we instead let them tell us what it's like,
and how their PTSD affects them,
we can avoid many of the most common pitfalls or missteps.
Even as a therapist, I always do my best
to not assume that I know
what my patients are going through.
And instead work to ask thoughtful questions
about their symptoms or experience,
and let them tell me how it feels.
If I don't take the time to do this,
I can offer support that isn't really helpful.
And I could even trigger their PTSD symptoms by accident.
If we have a loved one, struggling with PTSD,
pick a calm and private place
to ask about what they're going through,
and how we can best help,
and then take the time to really listen.
So we can make sure our efforts to help
are rooted in understanding and love.
Thank you for watching,
and I hope you found this helpful.
For more on this topic, check out my PTSD playlist here.
As always feel free to share any other thoughts or ideas
or how we can best help those we love who have PTSD.
And don't forget to pre-order my book "Traumatized",
and get access to the first two chapters today.
Okay, I'll see you next time.
Bye.
(gentle piano music)