WELCOME.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE WORLD IS STILL ON EDGE OVER
ESCALATING TENSIONS BETWEEN RIVAL FOREIGN POWERS THAT COULD
ANY MOMENT ERUPT INTO A FULL-BLOWN WAR, AND EVERYONE IS
ASKING THE SAME HARROWING QUESTION, CAN HARRY AND MEGHAN
REALLY LEAVE THE ROYAL FAMILY?
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ CAN THEY LEAVE ♪
>> Stephen: BRINGING YOU UP TO SPEED,
LAST WEEK, PRINCE HARRY AND DUCHESS MEGHAN DROPPED THE
BANGER AND MASH THAT THEY WOULD STEP BACK AS SENIOR ROYALS
AND WORK TO BECOME FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
BUT LIKE MANY MILLENNIALS WHO MOVE OUT, THEY'LL STAY ON THE
QUEEN'S VERIZON FAMILY PLAN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
AND HEALTH INSURANCE, TOO, PROBABLY.
THE PALACE WAS SHOCKED, AND SO TODAY, THE QUEEN HELD A ROYAL
FAMILY SUMMIT TO WORK OUT A FUTURE FOR PRINCE HARRY AND
MEGHAN.
THE QUEEN PUT OUT THIS STATEMENT:
"MY FAMILY AND I ARE ENTIRELY SUPPORTIVE OF HARRY AND MEGHAN'S
DESIRE TO CREATE A NEW LIFE AS A YOUNG FAMILY.
WE RESPECT AND UNDERSTAND THEIR WISH TO LIVE A MORE INDEPENDENT
LIFE."
THAT'S LOVELY.
IT'S WAY NICER THAN THE STATEMENTS THAT CAME OUT OF
ROYAL SUMMITS IN THE OLD DAYS: "I'M STARTING A NEW RELIGION SO
I CAN GET DIVORCED AND KILL MY NEXT WIFE."