[APPLAUSE]
Back with Mr. Ted Danson.
He's a smart guy.
He's a great actor.
We thought we'd put the two together,
and we're going to play a game.
This is the first time we've ever done this.
If it goes well, we'll do it again.
I think it's a good idea.
It only works with people named Ted though.
It's called Ted Talks.
I'm going to give you a subject and you
are going to speak on it for a few seconds,
a minute, whatever you want.
I'm going to guess if you actually, really
are telling the truth about this, or you're just acting.
Fair Warning I know a lot about a lot of things, so go ahead.
Yeah, I bet you do.
Here's one, and I may know the answer to this, already.
Can elephants swim?
No, and I know this for a fact, because in a movie called
Made in America I had to ride one into a body of water
and it sank like a rock.
Most of the time they're big enough that they can,
you see them in rivers wading, but they're not swimming.
[APPLAUSE]
I'm going to disagree with you, Ted.
What about you guys?
I think that elephants can swim.
OK.
They can swim.
You're wrong.
Who the hell is that?
[LAUGHTER]
All right, it's a fib.
I made it up.
All right, they can swim.
I thought they can swim.
All right, the mating habits of the American bald eagle?
I know this one too.
Go ahead.
All right, what they do is they come together in the air
and they hook their talons together.
They do this thing called the death spiral,
and they jumble and head towards Earth.
While they're jumbling around, they're actually copulating.
During the copulation the male bald eagles screams.
That's why some of the other bird species
think of bald eagles as a little bit of a Sissy, but go ahead.
I don't know about the streaming part, but that is exactly true.
That is how they do it.
OK, I made up the screaming part.
[APPLAUSE]
It's true.
Yeah, I know.
Yes.
That was one of the first jokes I did when I was doing stand up
is about how birds mate.
I would seriously consider faking it,
because they don't stop until they hit the ground.
I used to say that they should--
Oh, that was great, pull up, pull up.
I know that.
Yeah, exactly.
Take your talon away.
All right, the origin of the word avocado?
I don't know this.
OK, that's Latin America and Mexico area Nahuatl,
I may be pronouncing it incorrectly.
Nahuatl tribe, the word for avocado was anuacatl.
It was an Indian word for testicles,
because of the obvious shape, I guess.
Then the Spanish came in and they
renamed it aguacate, which means not testicle,
because they realized that no one would really
want to eat an avocado.
Go ahead.
Yeah, Yeah, that is all totally false.
True!
That's true?
Boom!
No?
The testicle part?
Yes!
No!
I know these things.
Now I need to know the origin of cucumber, because--
[LAUGHTER]
I'll have an aguacate cucumber salad, please.
You're wonderful.
The Good Place airs Thursday at 8:30 on NBC.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel,
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