[grunting]
[screaming]
Forget the Chum Bucket, this is personal.
[screaming]
No! My name's not Rick!
I don't like you.
I don't like you more.
I never liked you!
I a thousand times never liked you!
- Pink! - Yellow!
♪ Squidward, is my best friend In the world ♪
♪ Squidward is my best friend In the sea ♪
[screaming]
♪ Squidward ♪
♪ Loves Patrick More than SpongeBob ♪
Patrick is a dirty, stinky, rotten friend stealer!
Um, I can fix this.
[growling]
So, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward! Call me!
Yuck. That was disgusting.
Feel like I need to scrub myself.
[screaming]
Hey, buddy. I warmed it up for you.
Patrick, get out! And put some clothes on.
What's the matter, Squidward, old buddy?
[gasping]
Oh, ho, ho, so this is what I find, huh?
My best friend and my ex best friend
and... rubber bath toys!
Oh, yeah, well he was my friend first!
[screaming]
This can't be happening to me!
I mean, look at the way he's dressed.
Only somebody with holes drilled in their head
would wear that stuff. And how about this shape?
I mean, I've heard of barrel chested
but never box chested.
[laughing]
Hey, SpongeBob,
do you have any mascara I could borrow?
[chuckles] The boy wears makeup?
What a card.
[laughing]
Hey, Patrick! Patrick!
Aw, he said my name.
Wow. How'd you train him to do that?
[laughing]
Ow! He bit me.
Patrick, meet me in the kitchen.
Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation.
[laughing]
A dumb one.
[laughing]
So, what's on your mind?
No, wait. I already know the answer.
Nothing. [laughing]
See? That's funny. Cause you're dumb.
Patrick, could you let up on the insults
just a little bit?
Oh, were those too complicated for ya?
I'll try dumbing them down a bit.
Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb.
That's just what I'd expect you to say.
Dumb people are always blissfully unaware
of how dumb they really are.
Patrick Star, we need to talk.
Just one more minute, I gotta--
Don't "One more minute" me, Mr. Man.
Hey, I'm missing the coconut.
You haven't been helping at all with Junior!
We made a commitment and you're not doing your share.
You never do anything.
I changed his diaper.
Yeah, once.
He's only this big,
how many diapers could he possibly use?
Hmm?
Oh, that's not so much.
Hmm?
So?
Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?!
I had no idea. What kind of father am I?!
I'll make it up to you, buddy. I promise.
So, what's the plan for today?
No more fooling around.
From now on, I'm super dad.
I'll work straight through lunch so I can get home on time.
So make sure you save a big, old, stinky diaper
for me to change
and you can take the night off, pal.
Great, so I'll see you at six o'clock.
- Six o'clock. - Six o'clock.
Six o'clock.
[giggling]
Oh, boy, that was some party.
Oh, hey, SpongeBob. Hey Junior.
What? What?
Oh, nothing.
Oh, what a relief.
For a second, I thought you were mad at me.
Do you remember what you said to me this morning?
Something about root beer, right?
No.
Wait, wait, let me guess. I give up.
Does "You can take the night off, pal"
ring a bell?!
I don't need this.
What? Where do you think you're going?
I'm going back to work!
Work?!
[laughing]
He got hit in the head with two coconuts.
So, this is work?
You know, it's not as easy as it looks.
Sometimes I got to move the antenna.
Sometimes I lose the remote
and sometimes my butt itches real bad.
Oh, you poor, poor thing.
By the way, you forgot your briefcase!
Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime.
Overtime?!
Yeah overtime!
[arguing]
How ya like me now?
I like you this much.
Whoa!
Feel me.
Whoa! Oh!
Patrick?
Patrick! Are you okay?!
Question is... will you be?
[screaming]
[laughing]
No fair!
All fair in love and war, my friend/enemy.
Or should I say, my friendenemy.
Let's have some real fun.
[screaming]
What was that?
Come on. We've got to get out of here.
Grab the children!
[screaming]
Oh, yeah? Two can play at this game.
Jumping jellyfish! Oh!
[laughing]
I wasn't gonna do this, but you've left me no choice.
[gasping]
Let's beat it, dude.
[laughing]
Huh?
[groaning]
What happened?
I'll tell you what happened, Patrick.
I got carried away.
Me too.
Good night, SpongeBob.
Goodnight, rock mate.
[meowing]
Good night, Gary.
[snoring]
[Patrick snoring]
Oh, no. What the?
[snoring]
[Patrick laughing]
[Patrick snoring]
[snoring]
[mumbling]
Spiders! Spiders!
No, Patrick, no! Patrick, no! Watch out!
Oh! Stop! It's me!
[screaming]
Spiders! Spiders! Spiders!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Patrick, you know how sometimes you plan something special
and things just don't work out?
No. No.
Holy mackerel, is it hot up here or what?
No! Stop Patrick!
Valentine! Valentine! Valentine! Valentine!
Patrick, don't!
Patrick, here it is!
What's that?
A handshake, a friendly handshake.
A handshake? That's the big gift?
You got me a handshake?
A friendly handshake. Happy Valentine's Day.
[laughing]
[music playing]
[sighing]
I've been thinking.
At first, a handshake doesn't seem like much,
but really, it's the thought that counts.
SpongeBob, I just wanted to thank you
for this box of chocolates.
Eh, no problem, Fran.
I mean, even though I was expecting more...
Thanks for the roses, SpongeBob. Happy Valentine's Day.
You too, Dave.
...and not that it matters
that we've been friends for so long...
Hey, SpongeBob. Thanks for the bike.
Can you believe this guy? I just met him this morning.
So, as I was saying...
Excuse me, do you guys have the time?
[screaming]
Patrick needs love too!
[screaming]
Patrick, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yep.
It's beautiful.
SpongeBob.
I waited so long.
- SpongeBob? - And you broke it.
You okay, buddy?
Yes. Yes, I'm okay.
[sighing]
Oh, for a second--
You! You ruined my free toy!
I'm sorry. Maybe if you just-
[screaming]
[babbling]
[screaming]
[whistling Row, Row, Row Your Boat]
Phew.
[laughing] Dropped my spatula.
Uh, me too.
[sizzling]
Ow!
Aha! You're copying me!
- Yes. - Why are you doing that?
So I can win an award like you.
Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
Stop it.
- Say, you're good. - Thanks.
[both] Ha! Darn.
Mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as pickled fish lips!
Sea weevil. Gorgy smorgy.
[SpongeBob] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
[Patrick] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
[screaming]
Hey, buddy, funny stuff in there.
Funny stuff.
There is nothing funny about what you did in there,
Patrick! You got me in trouble! You got me moved
to the back of the room!
You cost me one of my good noodle stars!
Who cares about a stupid star?
Gee, Patrick, it seems like you would care a lot
about stupid stars, considering you are one.
I'll deal with you after class.
It is after class!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
I don't see anyone fighting, do you?
They're talking about us, we're fighting!
Well, don't mind if I do.
Fight! Fight! Fight.
[grunting]
This is embarrassing.
[grunting]
Look what I've got.
Rectangles!
Not just any rectangles, candy bars.
Oh.
All we have to do is make 'em last
the rest of our lives.
Thanks, SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now.
[sighing]
I think I'll eat it now.
Ow!
Ooh. Where's my candy bar go?
I must have dropped it.
You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.
Where did it go? I'm going to starve.
Where'd it go?
[groaning]
I can't find it. Where can it possibly be?
Aha!
What?
You stole my candy bar.
No, I didn't.
Oh, so that's how it is, huh?
Once a thief, always a thief.
You ate yours. This is mine.
You took my only food. Now, I'm gonna starve.
Here, Patrick, just take half of mine.
Yours? You mean mine.
Do you want it or what?
I don't want it unless you admit you took it.
This is my candy bar.
Liar, liar, plants for hire.
It's pants on fire, Patrick.
Well, you would know. Liar.
Well, if you're gonna be that way, I'll eat it myself.
You'd better not.
I'm warning you!
Don't!
Stop it! Don't!
[gasping]
[groaning]
Mm-hmm.
You're a crazy person.
I should have expected this
after the way you stole that balloon.
Did I, Patrick? Did I?
Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?
[gasping]
That's it!
Ow!
First the balloon, now my candy bar!
You're out of control! I... I'm telling on you.
[gasping] Not if I tell on you, first!
I'll beat you there!
[panting]
You're gonna get in trouble!
[panting]
No, you are!
Oh, Gary, why did you have to go?
Why Gary?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
[meowing]
[gasping] Gary?
Hey, SpongeBob.
Oh, hello, Patrick.
[meowing]
Hello, Gary.
Would it be all right
if Gary and I did some laundry over here?
Laundry? But we used to do laundry.
And, uh, SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?
Soap? But we used to use soap.
Do you want... fresh scent or heavy du...
Here it comes.
du... du... du... ty?
Gary! Please come back, Gary!
Please come home! I'm a wreck without you.
I know. If you come back, there will be a no rules rule.
You can do whatever you want when you want.
If you feel like ripping up the sofa,
then you rip it up.
And the litter box, forget about it!
The world is your litter box.
And you don't have to wait around
for me to feed ya anymore.
24 hour fridge access
and you don't even have to use a bowl.
And I know how much you like
my prized driftwood carving of Squidward. Well, think of it
as your own personal scratching post.
What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary?
How pathetic.
Gary.
I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but Gary's with me now.
You had your chance, and you failed.
You have to stop living in the past.
Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself.
It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me.
Right, Gary? Huh?
He only liked me for my shorts!
No, Patrick.
He wanted the cookie in your pocket.
[meowing]
G... G... Gary?
[belching]
[meowing]
Whee! Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me.
Awe. [giggling]
Let's go for a walk, pal.
Gary? I thought what we had was special!
[snoring]
Secret.
[snoring]
Who's... [snoring]
Secret.
I got to be more quiet. I don't want to wait Patrick u.
[snoring]
[squeaking]
[snoring]
[Patrick mumbling]
[snoring]
[creaking]
Who's there? Who's... [sneezing]
Shh.
[snoring]
[glass breaking]
Hey! [babbling]
[snoring]
[splashing]
Water.
[snoring]
[creaking]
[honking]
[snoring]
[creaking]
[snoring]
[creaking]
[elephants trumpeting]
[snoring]
[banging]
[snoring]
Good old secret box.
Let's see what's inside.
[laughing]
Nighty night, boxy.
[snoring]
[shooting]
[screaming, neighing]
[mooing]
[alarm blaring]
[barking]
[shooting]
[banging]
[snoring]
Gee, Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.
[shrieking] Who said that?! Who's there?!
Uh.
It's the clam burglar. And he's stealing my secret box.
Hand over the good secret box, bandit.
And prepare for the most unpleasant
pillow fight of your life!
[gun cocking]
Wait, wait, wait, Patrick, stop! It's me, SpongeBob!
Nice try, burglar, but SpongeBob's my best friend
and he'd never steal from me.
No, really, Patrick, look!
[gasping]
♪ It's the best friends forever Best friends forever ring ♪
Our friendship ring. It is you.
How could you do this?
If it makes you feel any better, I haven't looked inside.
That's it's, SpongeBob! You have crossed the line!
As of right now, this friendship is over!
Really?
Nah, you can look inside if you really want to.
Okay! Oh, this is one of the most exciting moments
of my life. Well, here it goes.
Huh?
Well? Didn't I tell ya? Isn't it great?
It's just a string.
A secret string.
Boy, when you're right, you're right.
That's some secret box you got there.
Yeah, thanks for showing me that.
Well, good night, Patrick. See you tomorrow.
Good night, SpongeBob.
I should've known.
It was just a piece of string all along.
[laughing]
Wait till I tell Gary.
[laughing]
Good thing he didn't pull the secret string,
opening the secret compartment of my secret box,
revealing one embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob
at that Christmas party.