My wife wants a divorce, should I give up? I hate this topic. My name is Paul
Friedman. I founded The Marriage Foundation. My credentials is that I've
been doing this for a couple of decades. Before this, I was a divorce mediator. I
know lots and lots of people in the divorce business and in the marriage
saving business and I hate to say give up but if your wife wants a divorce
chances are not good that you'll be able to recover. Also, chances are you're
already separated. Chances are and I hate to say this but chances are she's
already filed. Why do men wait so long? Why do women
wait so long? We keep hoping beyond hope that things will change so let me
explain the dynamics here. You got married to be happy. Your wife got
married to be happy. The number one component in a marriage that is falling
apart is a term I coined called over-familiarity and basically, what it
means is that you take each other for granted. And it's almost like a toss-up
who's going to be the one that says, "We shouldn't be married anymore." Because
when that sets in and it starts becoming the marriage where here is bickering,
arguing, cold-shoulders, you don't get along, the sex is terrible. There's no
intimacy, there's no real companionship and the things that are holding you
together are really thin except for the children.
If there's children involved, you should try with everything you have to keep
that marriage together without intimidating her, without making her be
stupid for wanting divorce even though you have kids because that won't work.
It'll push her further away and faster so I'll tell you what you can do and
I'll tell you what sometimes works. So, what you can do is you have to do an
overhaul of yourself and if she's already asked for a divorce
chances are 99% that just reading one of my books is not going to help you. It'll
give you some insight but it won't help you. If you do not change yourself and
what does that mean, it means changing your habits and your reactions to things.
To do that requires methods and techniques that someone had to develop
and I developed them based on marriage. You cannot do it by yourself, I wish you
could but you can't. Now, if she's still living at home and she's just talking
about divorce and she doesn't have another boyfriend she's not in an
emotional affair or whatever maybe it'll work, maybe she's telling you I want a
divorce to get your attention. I'm hoping that's
what it is. In those cases, the course for men is probably going to work not like a
high 90% but a good 55% chance
if though she has moved out or you have moved out -- the odds are reduced
tremendously. If you have children and you're interacting in a friendly way, the
odds are still okay under 50% but still okay that down the road she may learn to
trust you again and maybe, but it'll be a fresh start it won't be the same marriage.
If she's filed, chances are very slim. If she's having an emotional affair with
someone chances are very slim. If you have betrayed her chances are very slim.
I'm just being very honest with you and I'm not saying your case isn't different
but I'm sharing with you what we see day in and day out at The Marriage
Foundation. If you want to get personal with what's going on and you want to
write to one of our counselors, it's free. they'll give you a clearer idea and
maybe you'll know better. Now either way, if you have children you need to learn
to get along with your wife even if she's moved on and she's going to
get remarried. It's imperative for your kids so please don't just put that
little thing aside. It's not a little, thing it's a big thing. I know this isn't
the most uplifting video I've ever done and I'm sorry for that and I pray for
you and I pray for your wife. It's not good I wish you guys had come to us
sooner
but I never give up hope and I hope you don't too. Blessings to you, blessings to
your wife, blessings to your family and God bless. Take care!