(00:00): Hey there it's
clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to talk about when you don't
(00:05): Want to contact your ex,
basically don't contact your ex. If this is happening, what we're going to get into here,
what we're talking about is when you don't want to contact your ex. Now, obviously you don't want
to contact your ex. If they've specifically asked you for space or not to contact them or something
like that, hopefully you haven't pushed them to that degree. Um, where they just say like,
Hey, don't contact me. I mean, I don't know. Maybe they're just going through a hard time and they're
saying something like, Hey, I'm going through a hard time. Please give me a little bit of space
so I can work through some stuff. That's totally okay. In which case, you know, don't contact them
and tell, you know, enough time has passed. It's obviously subjective. You know, don't contact me
for a while is really subjective. (00:41):
Does that mean a month? Does that mean a week? Does that mean three days? Does that mean
four months? I don't know, but until it starts to feel like enough time has passed,
I'd probably just go ahead and give them some space at that point. The main thing though,
the main reason why you don't want to contact your ex though, at least in my opinion is because
when the two of you are interacting with one another, that's causing damage to the quality
of the emotional connection, you may have heard me on other videos say that the quality of the
emotional connection is the most important thing. I literally mean that. So you can take your
eyes off of rebound relationships. You can take your eyes off of Instagram activity. You can
take your eyes off of how long it takes them to respond and all of that, and just focus solely on
the emotional connection. (01:20):
If the emotional connection is getting worse, when the two of you are in contact with one another,
it lets me know. It lets you know, hopefully as well too, that whatever is going on here,
isn't working and it might make a little bit of sense to, uh, you know, pause, take a time out
and not contact them for a while until I have a reasonable expectation that okay, we can actually
talk and it's going to actually bring us closer together. That's really the only reason that I
would recommend that you do no contact. Now again, I know that there's other people out there they're
going to say, you always need to do no contact or radio. So islands as if it's like different
somehow, um, different names, same thing. That's the reason why I would recommend someone
is going to do no contact is because them being in contact is doing more damage to the emotional
connection than them. (02:04):
Uh, you know, being out of contact, you know, I know there's all sorts of people
that say you just need to always do it. Just, you know, blindly trust, no contact,
all that sort of stuff. I don't think you want to do that. I've talked to a lot of people that have
done that. Um, and it hasn't worked out so well for them. If you do need to do no contact fine,
go ahead and do it. Do what you need to do to set yourself up to actually have
interactions that are positive and do help. The two of you come together. But, uh, yeah,
don't contact your ex. If the interactions between the two of you are getting worse, basically, why
would this happen? This is going to happen because you are in what we call it. Damage control mode,
damage control mode is that panicked state of being that many people find themselves in after
a breakup where they're contacting way too often, um, begging pleading way too emotionally invested
out of control, emotionally speaking, a lot of impulsive emotional behavior.
(02:55): Uh, and, and again,
I'm not trying to point any fingers here. I have been myself and it's okay. I've talked to many
people that have been there as well too. You can totally get back together with your ex. I did it.
Lots of other people can do it too, but you got to get out of damage control mode when you're in
damage control mode. Literally everything that you do to try to connect with your ex is going to feel
bad and it's going to cause the, the interaction and the emotional connection to get worse.
So if you are in damage control mode, and if you're being honest with yourself, you should know
one way or the other. It's probably going to make a little bit of sense for you to
be out of contact with your ex for a little while, do what you need to do to get
a little bit more grounded, emotionally work through some issues, all that sort of stuff.
(03:34): And then, you know, when you feeling better
and when you all actually also believe that you can actually connect with your ex in a better way,
then you can get back in contact with them. That's what I'd really recommend that you
do. Uh, I know that that that's not the typical advice that many people are hearing out there
if you're not in damage control mode. And if the two of you are talking and connecting and it is
bringing the two of you closer together, like you don't need to do no contact. You really don't.
Oftentimes no contact can cause more damage if you're connecting well and you choose to do no
contact for some reason, anyway, you don't need to fix what ain't broke it. And basically as what I'm
saying, if you're connecting well, um, something's working and you might as well keep it up.
(04:12): If you're not connecting well,
something isn't working and it might make sense to stop contacting your ex. Anyway, that's my whole
take on what would warrant you not contacting your ex? Uh, I mean, obviously if you just don't want
to contact them, no pressure, but a lot of people that watch this channel want to patch things up
with their ex. So th those are the conditions that I would recommend in that sort of situation.
If this is something that you want some help with, if you do want to help, uh, get getting back
together with your ex, you might want to check out our course called the X solution program. It's
over@modernlove.life slash E S P that's modern love.life/e S P. You can also find a link for it
down below in the description box. Once again, my name is clay. If you liked this video, be
sure to hit the thumbs up button for the YouTube algorithm and subscribe to this channel as well,
to hit the bell icon, leave one or two or three or four comments, whatever. Um, and, and all that
stuff helps us with YouTube. It really does. So it's a free way to support the channel, but if you
do want to get a little bit more, uh, additional support, um, from us, go ahead and sign up for the
X solution program over@modernlove.life slash E S P. Anyway, thanks again. And I'll talk to you.