-I was running a bit behind.
Would you guys mind -- Can I write out
some thank-you notes right now for you guys?
[ Cheers and applause ]
James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-Wow, that's sly. -He's like the Mona Lisa.
He's like the Mona Lisa.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Thank you, two-person luge,
or, as I like to call you, extreme spooning.
[ Laughing ] Yeah.
I love that. -Whoa-oh!
[ Applause ]
♪♪
-Thank you, freestyle skiing, for being the only event
where I can't tell if everything is going just right
or horribly wrong.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, no. Oh. I mean, yeah.
I mean, no. No. Terrible.
-Oh, he won!
♪♪
-Thank you, snowboarding, for being the only time
parents are cool with their kids hitting the pipe.
[ Laughter ] -Oh!
Hey.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Stay off it.
-Stay off it. Stay off it.
-No pipe, no pole. -Stay off it.
[ Scattered laughter ]
♪♪
Thank you, Olympic athletes, for spending years
competing for a medal that you can't ever actually wear
without looking like a total showoff.
It's like...
"Yeah, oh, what? This old thing?
Anyway, can I get a Frappuccino, please?"
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Thank you, ski jumping, for showing me
what Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" dance
would look like as a sport.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Ha!
♪♪
-Thank you, ice dancing, for combining
one thing I can't do with another thing I really can't do.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-You decide.
♪♪
-Thank you, women's biathlon competitors,
and your inspiration,
the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Come on!
♪♪
-This one's not gonna work. -No.
Well, try it.
-It's not gonna work.
-You're predicting it's not gonna work now.
Is that a self-fulfilling prophecy?
-I know -- -Let the audience decide.
Let the audience decide.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right. -All right.
Pretend like you didn't hear him say that.
♪♪
-Thank you, Red Gerard, for showing me
what it would look like if Spicoli won a gold medal.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Lot of Spicoli fans out there.
-Lot of Spicolis, man.
-People love Spicoli, man.
-Yeah.
-Sean Penn. That's my dude.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Thank you, bobsledding,
for being the original Uber pool.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
You good? Yeah. -Good.
♪♪
-Thank you, 2018 Winter Olympics, for giving us
so many memorable moments, they can't be summed up
in a thank-you note.
But fortunately, they can be summed up in a rap.
[ Audience ohs ]
Do you know what I'm talking about, Tariq?!
-[ Laughs ]
Yeah, yeah.
I got you, Jimmy.
-Thank you.
-♪ Yo the 2018, the Olympian ♪
♪ Games on PyeongChang, that's South Korean ♪
♪ The stadium apparently is the house to be in ♪
♪ And girls say that Tongan dude's Herculean ♪
♪ Gerard got the gold early, I heard him cussin' ♪
♪ Only 17, still doper than the Russians ♪
♪ Nathan Chen came to win ♪
♪ Shib sib, let the game begin ♪
♪ Then Mirai Nagasu said I got you ♪
♪ I'll do the impossible we said I'll watch you ♪
♪ Rocked the triple axle ♪
♪ And then bring it back to the U.S. ♪
♪ Girl, you just the queen of the castle ♪
♪ Who da champions? ♪
♪ You know we them ♪
♪ There's no Kourtney, but there's Chloe Kim ♪
♪ Who went on the attack ♪
♪ What's better than that? ♪
♪ She won a gold medal, go and get her a snack ♪
♪ I must admit the games have been a whirlwind ♪
♪ Skating, skiing, swirling, but what's curling? ♪
♪ When you find out, hit me back ♪
♪ A'ight, that's the end of this Olympics rap ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Tariq Trotter!
My thanks to everybody
who tuned in to "The Fallon Five" this week,
and congrats to all of this year's Olympians.
I'll see you next week. Bye-bye, everybody.
♪♪