Well, my Little Gibus, if you stopped making so many basic mistakes then maybe your friends won't bully you so much.
Now, let's be clear. These tips are only for French grammar. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about Marion Cotillard.
With this in mind, on to tip number one. "Les 'si' n'aiment pas les 'rais'."
No my Little Gibus, this has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan's inexplicable hatred for Ray Charles. Although, it is rather concerning.
So what does it mean then? I t means that following an if statement,
'si', you never use the conditional, but rather the indicative. And so my Little Gibus "Si j'aurais su..." becomes
"Si j'avais su...", if you aren't illiterate.
Tip number two. "Replace the verb with 'mordre.' " My Little Gibus, take 'aidé' and 'aider'.
The first is the participle of 'to help', while the second is its infinitive, but they're pronounced exactly the same.
So, how do you make sure you write it correctly? By replacing it by 'mordre'.
Here are two sentences. "Je vais (aider) Grand - Mère." And, "J'ai (aider) Grand - Mère."
Which ones takes an accent and which one doesn't? If you aren't a native speaker, or you're Little Gibus,
it may not be that easy but replace the verb with 'mordre', and voilà. "Je vais mordu ma Grand - Mère." just doesn't work.
It's very awkward, like you my Little Gibus, so it's clear it should be "Je vais aider (mordre) ma Grand - Mère."
However, "J'ai mordu ma Grand - Mère." does work,
so it takes an accent and if you don't like the idea of biting your grandma. Don't worry my Little Gibus,
It also works with 'to hang' - 'pendre' - or even 'to sale' - 'vendre' - if you can no longer afford her medical bills.
I don't judge!
Tip number three. "Substitute for similar words."
My Little Gibus, in french, if you confuse words which sound the same but have different
spellings, and you will, it's usually a good idea to replace them with others of similar meaning.
For example, 'La' and 'Là' can be found out by asking yourself 'where' - où - as in
"Doug est où?" "Doug est là!'
'Se' can be replaced by 'me' and 'te' while 'ce' can't. Of course, there are exceptions,
it would be too easy otherwise, but it's still very useful and the list goes on
so I strongly suggest googling it or even coming up with your own.
French questions are a nightmare. Not only are they completely inversed, with a verb coming after the object,
but you have stuff like 'Quel' which can be written in countless ways according to gender, number and articles like "auxquelles"!
So, of course in all that mess, I understand if you miss some prepositions my Little Gibus
"Quelle marque sont ces chaussures?" doesn't sound wrong but it is, it should be "De quelle marque sont ces chaussures?"
So an easy way to make sure you aren't forgetting anything is to rephrase the question using the standard
(subject-verb-object) format. "Quelle marque sont ces chaussures?" becomes "Ces chaussures sont quelle marque?"
Does that work? No, because you need 'de' - "C'est chaussures sont de quelle marque?"
This also makes it easier to recognize the subject, ces chaussures, and object, marque,
correctly and so, agree in number and gender with the right word.
The truth is that the French language is the result of thousands of years of diverse cultural and linguistic influences
Spaniards and Italians can understand Romanian better than French! So, don't try, don't try to make sense of it.
It just doesn't. It's like English pronunciation.
Really, you're better off learning by heart. Sure Little Gibus,
I could tell you that, like in Spanish, the genders of French nouns are actually determined by their endings, and then show you the table
of 28 endings with their associated genders, the endings that could be either gender. And of course they're f-ing exceptions.
But why? By the time it'll take you to learn on this, you could have just memorized the words
concerned by those rules.
And that's it my little Gibus. Now you can go and ask your mother why this old stranger knows your name without sounding like an absolute moron.
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This was Barris. I will see you next week, but until then merde!