[music playing]
All right, dude.
What's up, man? - Nothing much.
Man, thanks for taking a minute.
No problem.
Just taking some time talk to you, man.
It's clear to me that Jephte wants to make his relationship
with Shawniece work.
But he needs to realize that not every day of a marriage
is perfect.
I wanted to talk to Jephte one-on-one
to continue to guide him in the right direction
and to give him the tools he needs to get
him to happily ever after.
I'm excited to be a father.
PASTOR CAL: Are you really, man?
Yeah, yeah.
It's serious, though. JEPHTE: I know.
I haven't even scratched the surface yet.
But-- PASTOR CAL: I know.
It's hard sometimes to know how to be
a father, how to be a husband, and how to do all that stuff.
It doesn't come easy.
And, you know--
The baby came so early in the relationship,
and we put a lot of feelings a hold.
I love her, but I don't feel like I'm in love with her,
which is difficult. Because when she sees me
and how I love the baby, it's instant.
And I know it has to be hard for her to watch and things
like that.
When you say you love her, but you're not in love with her,
what does that mean?
I see the fact and I value and respect the fact
that she is a good person.
But when it comes to, like, my heart being completely in it,
it's more of a commitment than it is, for me, a feeling.
Look, I've been married for years.
And sometimes, I have to depend on the commitment,
because I don't always feel good.
And she has to depend on the commitment,
because she doesn't always feel good.
Has there been a time when you look at her
and you want to do for her, not obligated?
Yeah, no. Sometimes, yeah.
Your thing is, I want the commitment,
but I also want to be able to generate
some of these positive feelings that I have.
Am I right?
Yeah.
PASTOR CAL: Those feelings are going to be an outgrowth,
though, of your commitment.
Commitment is not just saying, I'm committed.
Commitment is showing up and being committed.
I just don't want to be stuck in a position where I stayed
committed, hoping that those feelings would come,
and they never do.
You're in charge of how you feel.
You are, about what you tell yourself.
Have you ever not wanted to play ball?
Yeah.
But then the fellas come around.
All right, man. All right.
OK. OK, I'm going to go play.
And then you get on the court.
You're loving it. Why?
Because you talked yourself into it.
And it's the same thing with feelings.
What I hear most of the time, talking about the problems,
talking about the issues, talking
about how bad things are, that's what you're teaching yourself.
It's time to rewire that by how you talk about it.
Don't talk about, the feelings are not there.
Say that they are there.
I promise you, you spend just one week
of saying all the positive things you can about her
and being present, and I bet you it will change your marriage.
I think we underestimate the power that we have
to change our own attitudes.
Because what you tell yourself is what you will eventually
manifest in your life.
I believe that Jephte would start to feel more positive
the more positively he spoke.
If Jephte doesn't start speaking more positivity,
this is not only going to affect his marriage,
but it's going to affect, also, his child.
She's going to look at Mom and say, wow,
this is how a man is supposed to treat you.
And if he is not treating her with love and respect
and kindness and showing passion,
Laura's not going to get the right message.
I will guarantee you, what you think you can't feel,
you're going to feel.
JEPHTE: Shawniece and I made a huge commitment.
We did.
And I'm trying to make sure that love
is just as big as the commitment that we made.
And it's tough.
Because we do have some hard times.
But I want to raise my baby in one household.
I don't want her to split Christmases.
I don't want her to split birthdays.
And I want her to have brothers and sisters
that all have the same last name and that all grew up together.
I really want my marriage to succeed.
Shawniece is a great woman.
And I don't want to lose her.
You guys have an incredible marriage.
And the thing that's going to make it or break it,
Jephte, is you.