There's no drama, no fighting.
You're married, have been together for years, and have maybe even raised kids and pets together.
The love is still there, but the spark just isn't.
As months drift into years, you realize: You're in a sexless marriage.
How’s it going, YouTubers?
My name is Brad Browning and I’m a relationship coach and marriage expert.
Today I want to talk to you about how to revive sex and intimacy in your marriage so that
you and your spouse can finally inject some passion back into your marriage.
Believe it or not, it’s a common for the frequency of lovemaking to wane over time,
and there can be many reasons for this.
Maybe the novelty has worn off, or you and your spouse are busy with jobs, children,
and social lives, leaving you little time and energy for intimacy.
Perhaps you’re not in the mood because you have a poor body image of yourself or are
experiencing other difficulties in your relationship.
Or, your sex life may be dwindling due to physiological factors, chronic illness, medication,
depression or addictions.
The possibilities really are endless.
Regardless of the reason, it’s important to understand that getting intimacy back into
your relationship is important because it’s very rare to have a healthy relationship without
it.
That said, sex is a complicated thing.
It’s beautiful, fun, special and feels good, but is also tied up with self esteem, emotions,
intimacy, health and personal history.
You can think of it as a simple act, but in reality it could be the sole source of the
tension in your relationship.
Unless both partners have a very low sex drive, a lack of passion, sex and intimacy can be
a downfall in a marriage.
Unfortunately, it’s also quite easy to fall into a vicious cycle when it comes to sex:
It’s hard to want to have it when you feel emotionally detached, but it’s hard to feel
emotional bonded without physical intimacy.
Basically, the less happy you are, the less sex you want, and the less sex you have, the
less happy you are in your relationship.
Don’t panic, as much as it may feel impossible to get passion back into your relationship
right now, it is possible, and I know how to make it happen.
It’s important to know that it’s not unusual for one person in a couple to have a greater
desire for sex than the other- and there can be a many reasons for this, a big one being
testosterone.
Generally associated with men, testosterone drives sexual desire, which is why the assumption
that men are more interested in sex than women is such an age old belief.
That said, women’s sexual desire can also be linked to fluctuating testosterone levels,
and as both men and women age their testosterone levels change, changing their interest in
intimacy with it.
That’s not to say that men and women have the same needs when it comes to sex.
For instance, women tend to need an emotional bond before they’re interested in having
sex.
They need their husbands to be attentive, thoughtful, and loving.
They want to share their emotions and spend time together.
If their partner has been distant, disinterested or absent, the last thing a woman will want
to do is make love.
On the other hand, if the man has been complaining or criticizing his wife for not wanting sex
more often, the wife will likely feel turned off and any shred of passion will be lost.
Men, if you want to have a more fulfilling sexual relationship, you need to give your
wife what she needs.
Listen to her, show interest in her, do small thoughtful things, and spend time together.
Remember, being absent from her life is a turn off, taking her on a date is a turn on!
Unlike women, men usually don't need as much emotional bonding to desire sex - and again,
that’s because they have a lot more testosterone!
This means they think about and desire sex more often and require a lot less bonding
and emotional closeness before having sex.
In fact, men tend to be just the opposite of women- the more sexual relations the couple
have, the better the husband feels about his wife and their marriage.
Since men’s confidence is generally linked to being a good provider, by satisfying their
wives sexually they get their emotional bonding needs met by having sex.
Often times men simply can't understand why their wives don't think about, and want sex
as much as they do.
So ladies, if you are even a tiny bit interested in having sex, do it!
The intimate bond you want with your husband will follow, and you will both be more interested
in sexual intimacy in the future.
As you and your spouse identify different problem areas in your relationship and work
through them, you will both likely start to become more comfortable with being physical
and intimate with each other.
Give it time and be willing to move slowly - one common technique used for couples struggling
with sexual intimacy is to hold off on intercourse and learn to appreciate and enjoy other kinds
of connecting first.
If your relationship begins to improve and you find that your sex life is still lagging
far being, don't be afraid to consult a sex therapist or physician.
Alternatively, you can go to my website and watch the free video presentation on there.
In it, I reveal even more techniques on how you can revive that spark you and your spouse
shared when you first met each other…
just go to www.MarriageGuy.com to watch that free video presentation.
So, let’s first talk about the initial steps that need to be taken if you’re looking
to rediscover your intimacy.
First off, you need to be realistic.
If you're looking for the incredibly magical and passionate sex that you and your partner
shared those first few years together, then you might be being a bit unrealistic.
It’s one thing to revive the sex and intimacy in your marriage, but it’s another thing
to reignite bring back the butterflies that you are your partner shared when you were
only just getting to know each other.
That said, just because the honeymoon phase is over doesn’t mean that you can’t explore
an entire new stage in your relationship.
One of the most important things you can do to reach this new stage is to communicate
with your spouse.
So, let’s talk about the next step - “the talk”.
Many couples fail to talk about sex because they get embarrassed and instead say nothing
and hope things magically change.
It’s important to be open and honest with your spouse, and face that beating around
the bush won’t help change anything.
Instead, try saying something along the lines of: "I’d like to spice up our sex life.
We have fallen into some bad habits,” or “We need to have sex, the same as we do
other things that are important to us.
We need to set aside time for it.'"
The first step to bridging the gap with your spouse is by making time for each other outside
of the bedroom - your relationship should be a priority to both of you.
Set aside time together at least three times a week - this can include date night, cuddle
time, or sharing a hobby.
If you’re already doing these things, then try something new!
Take a cooking class together, try a new sport, or sign up for a sex workshop.
The easiest way to reconnect is to find new interests together.
Trying something new requires a lot of focus - and believe it or not, that's good for your
sex life.
Create your own rituals to share together.
A couple ritual is a habit you and your spouse share that is unique to your relationship.
It can be as simple as brushing your teeth together, kissing before you leave for work,
an inside joke or competition to answer game show questions.
Whatever you decide one, making it something that you both enjoy and keep the ritual going
for years to come.
Take a second to think back to the beginning of your relationship, when you were first
falling for your spouse.
Remember the way they would make you laugh, or tease you.
Reviving that type of playful flirting is one of the easiest ways to re-activate your
sex life.
While dating, couples are great at flirting with one another.
They share sexy text messages, speak with innuendo, smile and toss their hair, dress
their best, and in general, try to attract their partner.
Flirting is a key component to getting that spark back.
As humans, we respond to physical connection, so a good place to start when it comes to
reviving intimacy is by significantly increasing touching.
By doing this you will definitely increase your intimate connection.
Don’t know where to start?
Begin by touching your spouse’s arm fleetingly when you pass in the hall, or holding hands
while you take a stroll.
Kiss each other good night, good morning and when you see each other after work.
Sit close while watching TV, and always have at least one body part touching when you go
to bed.
When you do get between the sheets, keep things spontaneous and fun.
Allow each other plenty of sensual time to get warmed up.
Unlike in your 20s when sex was straightforward - desire, arousal, orgasm - when you’re
over 40 foreplay becomes much more important to build arousal and desire.
Don’t be shy to ask your partner what they like or want.
Even if you’ve been sleeping with your spouse for a decade.
As you age your mind set changes.
Think of it this way: Early marital sex is essentially sex with a stranger.
It’s about letting your partner know you, and getting to know them, intimately.
Marital sex can be even more gratifying if you can develop an intimate sexual style with
your marriage partner.
Something that is completely yours.
No matter where you are in your quest to revive the sex in your marriage, understand that
intimacy in long-term relationships, and especially marriages, takes work from both parties.
As long as you are both committed to do that work, you’ll do just fine.
If you have any questions about reviving your sex life or would like more advice on bringing
intimacy back to your marriage, learn about my 1-on-1 marriage coaching at www.marriageguy.com/coaching…
that’s marriage guy dot com slash coaching.
I also talk a bit about this topic in the free video on my website, MarriageGuy.com,
so that’s also worth checking out after this video is over.
Thanks watching my video, I hope that you learned something new and are feeling confident
and ready to work on mending mistakes in your marriage.
As always I appreciate those of you that take the time to “like’ my videos and subscribe
to my YouTube channel and social media platforms.
I’m interested in hearing your feedback, so go ahead and leave me a message below.
Well that’s all for now so until next time, take care, and good luck!