Hello and welcome to my YouTube Live.
I'm Rebecca Zung and I'm so excited to see all of you here with me today.
Today's topic is going to be, The Narcissism 101 topic.
And specifically, we're going to be talking about flying monkeys.
Flying monkeys are a big part of what narcissists use.
And especially when you're looking at negotiating with narcissist, which is what I specialize
in, they use their flying monkeys for all sorts of things.
So, what is a flying monkey and why do they need them?
What do they use them for?
So, a flying monkey is a third party.
They could have one, or they could have multiples of these flying monkeys, but it's a third
party that narcissists use to inflict abuse upon their target.
So, they're lining up these people to try to help them abuse you.
And most often the flying monkeys really have no idea that they're being used as a pawn
in that whole entire scheme to try to make you, the target, feel worse.
So, while I'm going to go a little bit more into the flying monkey thing, I just wanted
to run over here and give a little check and see where you guys are calling in from and
who we have here.
And remember that I'm going to do the Q&A again on Tuesday at noon.
So, you'll want to make sure that you check that out as well.
But if you guys have any stories about flying monkeys, I'd love to hear that.
And just go ahead and give that to me in the chat.
So, I'm checking that out now.
So I see somebody here from London.
Hi, Sally from Florida, Debra from Arkansas.
Thanks for joining in on me.
So, I want to hear, have you guys been dealing with flying monkeys?
So flying monkey, the term actually came from The Wizard of Oz and in The Wizard of Oz,
the wicked witch had her flying monkeys around her when she was in her little layer or whatever
she was at.
And they didn't really have any thought.
They just lined up with the wicked witch.
And so, that's what narcissists do.
They line up these people so that you, the target, either think that you're the only
one that thinks this way, because that's one of the things that narcissists use to control
you.
Is to say, you're the only one that thinks that.
And so, they will line up these flying monkeys to believe what they believe, so that it reinforces
the fact that you're the only one that thinks that way.
You're the only one that believes that.
You're the only one that doesn't see how great they are.
You're the only one that doesn't see how generous they are.
You're the only one that doesn't have respect for them, that sort of thing.
So, they either are lined up and aligned with the narcissist and just thinking that the
narcissist person is wonderful, or they are being used in a sense that they also think
that there's something wrong with you.
So they try to turn these people against you.
And very often they use people that they know like you, or that you like, or that you respect.
And sometimes they'll even have this person, like it could be somebody close to you.
When I was dealing with a couple of narcissists in my life, one of the narcissists actually
had my cousin come to me and say, "Oh, why don't you try to give her a chance?"
And obviously my cousin didn't know the whole story of what was going on, and so here my
cousin is being used as a pawn in this whole narcissistic scheme to try to abuse.
And I'm just looking to see how many of you have been dealing.
So, Annie says, "I've been dealing with an ex and flying monkeys related to parental
alienation and he is the narcissist."
Exactly.
So, they line you up they're narcissists up to think that you are a bad parent.
And sometimes they start this whole campaign of denigration against you long before the
divorce happens.
Sometimes they start planting these seeds many months, and sometimes even years before
you're even onto the idea that divorce may even be an option.
So, they might start saying things like, "Oh, you know so, and so had a little too much
to drink at the party last night.
I'm really worried about her."
And this is like maybe six months before the divorce even gets started, so that once the
divorce starts, that person can go, "Well, I told you that she had a problem with alcohol."
And then they start trying to use that against you as, obviously you're not a fit mother
because you have a problem with alcohol.
Everybody knows that, I just had a conversation with Carol down the street.
She was concerned about you because of your drinking problem.
And you're sitting there thinking, I have one glass of wine a week.
I don't even know what you're talking about, that sort of thing.
So, that's the kind of thing that they'll do with their flying monkeys.
They use them as a pawn in their overall scheme of psychological abuse, and during a divorce
or even a breakdown of a partnership or any kind of situation where you're trying to separate
yourself with a narcissist.
And especially if you're getting ready to go negotiate with the narcissist, they are
going to want to use these flying monkeys as a method of leverage against you so that
you feel more scared, so that they take more control over the negotiation process.
So, I'm just looking to see what some of you guys are saying.
Anne says, "That's exactly what he does."
Lizzie says, "My employees are flying monkeys for my narc husband.
So sick."
Well, the employees for a narc husband are a perfect place because they're being paid
by that guy.
So, it behooves them to say, Oh, what's going on?
Oh, okay.
We'll line up and get behind the person who we are employed by.
So now, even if you had a great relationship with your husband's employees, they're like,
well, I know my bread is buttered on this side, so, sorry, can't talk to you.
And then it makes you feel even more alone, more victimized, more isolated, more crazy.
It's a method of gaslighting, because here comes these third parties who are saying things
to you about what happened in a particular situation.
And you know it didn't happen that way.
So you're being gaslit now by a third party.
So, these are like the minions, the henchmen of the whole narcissistic play.
And when you are separating from a narcissist in a divorce or a business setting, it even
gets worse.
It's like, they're on steroids.
Whatever their worst case scenario was before it's a hundred thousand times worse when you're
trying to separate out from them.
Because when you're dealing with a narcissist, it's either you're either for them or you
are the enemy.
I mean, even when you're in a relationship with them, the slightest little slight is
a massive, huge thing.
And it all becomes about, you don't respect me.
You don't love me.
You don't do enough for me, all this stuff.
And all you did was say, "Hey, how come you didn't take out the trash or whatever."
It becomes this massive, huge thing.
So just imagine now they are no longer getting this narcissistic supply from you, that whatever
it was that they felt they were getting from you and why they were in a relationship with
you in the first place, that supply source is being threatened.
So now, they're just coming after you and they come after you not just themselves, but
trying to line up people so that they feel that they're bolstering up their ego.
I have this whole army of people who believe what I believe, who think that you're crazy,
that I'm amazing.
And that you're the one that has the problem.
So, it's a method to make you feel even worse.
"I just volunteered for an insanity test.
I go in on Thursday, I'm taking them all to court."
Well, taking them to court is probably a good way of turning around that...
Remember, I talk about how you want to make sure you're going on the offensive when you're
dealing with narcissists.
If you are in a situation where you're divorcing a narcissist, or you're trying to dissolve
a business partnership, or negotiate with the narcissist in any format, you're going
to constantly feel like you're on the defensive, constantly feeling like they're coming after
you.
And all you can do is like deal with that fire, and that fire, and that fire, and that
fire, and you don't stop to breathe.
It's almost foreign to you to think, Oh, I can actually have a strategy here and turn
this around.
I can actually go on the offensive and have them be the one defending themselves.
It's such a foreign concept because throughout the entire relationship, they've tried to
exert this coercive control over you, and have you almost believing as if you're in
a cult or something, like that you can't ever get what you want.
You can never turn this around.
And I'm here to tell you that you absolutely can.
They can have a hundred flying monkeys and a whole army of people outside, it doesn't
really matter.
What matters is what happens in that negotiating room.
And when you go in to mediate your case, or you go in front of a judge, they're not going
to have all these flying monkeys in there, unless they want to parade 100 witnesses in
there.
But you can also parade witnesses and trial gets expensive.
So, I do highly recommend that you try to have enough leverage that you can use in settlement
discussions but even if...
I've seen cases settle at lunchtime at trial.
So, even if you will have to wait to use your leverage until you get to trial, you can still
definitely turn it around.
Never think that it's too late for you.
Always try to turn it around as much as you possibly can.
So, I just want to check out a couple more of your comments.
Catherine says, "You're awesome."
Thank you, Catherine.
I think you are so awesome too.
And I'm so glad that you're here.
So, all right.
"Well, very similar to Scientology."
I mean, it is a form of brainwashing if that's what you mean, as far as the Scientology.
I mean, I don't know that much about Scientology, so I don't want anyone to think that I'm besmirching
Scientology, but I'm assuming that that's what you are saying.
I mean, it is a form of brainwashing what they do, because they are trying to get some
form of control over you.
So, John says, "Explain supply."
I am going to explain narcissistic supply in one of my next ones of these, but just
very briefly I'll just say, that narcissistic supplies anything that feeds a narcissist
ego.
So, it could be money compliments.
It could be exerting control, devaluing, judging, debasing people, putting them down, all that
sort of thing, anything that feeds the narcissist ego.
So, that's my explanation today about flying monkeys.
Beware of flying monkeys.
Beware of flying monkeys everywhere, especially on social media, and places where even if
you've blocked your ex on your social media accounts, beware of the flying monkey minions
who are out there lurking about watching what you're doing.
And also be careful about who you're talking about the narcissists to, because they have
spies everywhere.
And remember that everything you do or say could potentially be a trial exhibit.
So you want to be super careful about making sure that you're the one, if you end up in
front of a judge, wearing the white hat and the other narcissist is the one that has all
the issues.
So anyway, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist and you haven't gotten my
free, crush my negotiation worksheet, you should definitely do that.
Somebody in my Facebook group, which by the way, if you want to join my Facebook group,
you can do that.
That's Narcissistic Negotiators by Rebecca Zung on Facebook.
Come join us in there.
But somebody in that Facebook group just last night said, "Hey, I won my mediation just
solely on Rebecca's free negotiation worksheet."
Which is pretty awesome.
You can get it at winmynegotiation.com, totally yours for free.
And remember to subscribe, if you haven't subscribed to my channel.
Please go ahead and just boom, hit that little subscribe button right now, and hit that notification
bell so that you can be notified when I upload brand new content.
I'm uploading new videos every Monday, Wednesday, Friday now, and I'm going live on Tuesdays
and Thursdays.
So, on Tuesday, I'll be back here, live again, and I will be doing my, Ask the Attorney Anything
session, my AAA session, where I try to answer as many questions that you guys have for me
as I possibly can.
So, thanks so much for joining me today.
I hope that this was helpful for you to understand a little bit more about flying monkeys, and
especially how narcissists use flying monkeys during the negotiation process.
I'm Rebecca Zung, and I send all of you light and peace.
And remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.
Hello and welcome to my YouTube Live.
I'm Rebecca Zung and I'm so excited to see all of you here with me today.
Today's topic is going to be, The Narcissism 101 topic.
And specifically, we're going to be talking about flying monkeys.
Flying monkeys are a big part of what narcissists use.
And especially when you're looking at negotiating with narcissist, which is what I specialize
in, they use their flying monkeys for all sorts of things.
So, what is a flying monkey and why do they need them?
What do they use them for?
So, a flying monkey is a third party.
They could have one, or they could have multiples of these flying monkeys, but it's a third
party that narcissists use to inflict abuse upon their target.
So, they're lining up these people to try to help them abuse you.
And most often the flying monkeys really have no idea that they're being used as a pawn
in that whole entire scheme to try to make you, the target, feel worse.
So, while I'm going to go a little bit more into the flying monkey thing, I just wanted
to run over here and give a little check and see where you guys are calling in from and
who we have here.
And remember that I'm going to do the Q&A again on Tuesday at noon.
So, you'll want to make sure that you check that out as well.
But if you guys have any stories about flying monkeys, I'd love to hear that.
And just go ahead and give that to me in the chat.
So, I'm checking that out now.
So I see somebody here from London.
Hi, Sally from Florida, Debra from Arkansas.
Thanks for joining in on me.
So, I want to hear, have you guys been dealing with flying monkeys?
So flying monkey, the term actually came from The Wizard of Oz and in The Wizard of Oz,
the wicked witch had her flying monkeys around her when she was in her little layer or whatever
she was at.
And they didn't really have any thought.
They just lined up with the wicked witch.
And so, that's what narcissists do.
They line up these people so that you, the target, either think that you're the only
one that thinks this way, because that's one of the things that narcissists use to control
you.
Is to say, you're the only one that thinks that.
And so, they will line up these flying monkeys to believe what they believe, so that it reinforces
the fact that you're the only one that thinks that way.
You're the only one that believes that.
You're the only one that doesn't see how great they are.
You're the only one that doesn't see how generous they are.
You're the only one that doesn't have respect for them, that sort of thing.
So, they either are lined up and aligned with the narcissist and just thinking that the
narcissist person is wonderful, or they are being used in a sense that they also think
that there's something wrong with you.
So they try to turn these people against you.
And very often they use people that they know like you, or that you like, or that you respect.
And sometimes they'll even have this person, like it could be somebody close to you.
When I was dealing with a couple of narcissists in my life, one of the narcissists actually
had my cousin come to me and say, "Oh, why don't you try to give her a chance?"
And obviously my cousin didn't know the whole story of what was going on, and so here my
cousin is being used as a pawn in this whole narcissistic scheme to try to abuse.
And I'm just looking to see how many of you have been dealing.
So, Annie says, "I've been dealing with an ex and flying monkeys related to parental
alienation and he is the narcissist."
Exactly.
So, they line you up they're narcissists up to think that you are a bad parent.
And sometimes they start this whole campaign of denigration against you long before the
divorce happens.
Sometimes they start planting these seeds many months, and sometimes even years before
you're even onto the idea that divorce may even be an option.
So, they might start saying things like, "Oh, you know so, and so had a little too much
to drink at the party last night.
I'm really worried about her."
And this is like maybe six months before the divorce even gets started, so that once the
divorce starts, that person can go, "Well, I told you that she had a problem with alcohol."
And then they start trying to use that against you as, obviously you're not a fit mother
because you have a problem with alcohol.
Everybody knows that, I just had a conversation with Carol down the street.
She was concerned about you because of your drinking problem.
And you're sitting there thinking, I have one glass of wine a week.
I don't even know what you're talking about, that sort of thing.
So, that's the kind of thing that they'll do with their flying monkeys.
They use them as a pawn in their overall scheme of psychological abuse, and during a divorce
or even a breakdown of a partnership or any kind of situation where you're trying to separate
yourself with a narcissist.
And especially if you're getting ready to go negotiate with the narcissist, they are
going to want to use these flying monkeys as a method of leverage against you so that
you feel more scared, so that they take more control over the negotiation process.
So, I'm just looking to see what some of you guys are saying.
Anne says, "That's exactly what he does."
Lizzie says, "My employees are flying monkeys for my narc husband.
So sick."
Well, the employees for a narc husband are a perfect place because they're being paid
by that guy.
So, it behooves them to say, Oh, what's going on?
Oh, okay.
We'll line up and get behind the person who we are employed by.
So now, even if you had a great relationship with your husband's employees, they're like,
well, I know my bread is buttered on this side, so, sorry, can't talk to you.
And then it makes you feel even more alone, more victimized, more isolated, more crazy.
It's a method of gaslighting, because here comes these third parties who are saying things
to you about what happened in a particular situation.
And you know it didn't happen that way.
So you're being gaslit now by a third party.
So, these are like the minions, the henchmen of the whole narcissistic play.
And when you are separating from a narcissist in a divorce or a business setting, it even
gets worse.
It's like, they're on steroids.
Whatever their worst case scenario was before it's a hundred thousand times worse when you're
trying to separate out from them.
Because when you're dealing with a narcissist, it's either you're either for them or you
are the enemy.
I mean, even when you're in a relationship with them, the slightest little slight is
a massive, huge thing.
And it all becomes about, you don't respect me.
You don't love me.
You don't do enough for me, all this stuff.
And all you did was say, "Hey, how come you didn't take out the trash or whatever."
It becomes this massive, huge thing.
So just imagine now they are no longer getting this narcissistic supply from you, that whatever
it was that they felt they were getting from you and why they were in a relationship with
you in the first place, that supply source is being threatened.
So now, they're just coming after you and they come after you not just themselves, but
trying to line up people so that they feel that they're bolstering up their ego.
I have this whole army of people who believe what I believe, who think that you're crazy,
that I'm amazing.
And that you're the one that has the problem.
So, it's a method to make you feel even worse.
"I just volunteered for an insanity test.
I go in on Thursday, I'm taking them all to court."
Well, taking them to court is probably a good way of turning around that...
Remember, I talk about how you want to make sure you're going on the offensive when you're
dealing with narcissists.
If you are in a situation where you're divorcing a narcissist, or you're trying to dissolve
a business partnership, or negotiate with the narcissist in any format, you're going
to constantly feel like you're on the defensive, constantly feeling like they're coming after
you.
And all you can do is like deal with that fire, and that fire, and that fire, and that
fire, and you don't stop to breathe.
It's almost foreign to you to think, Oh, I can actually have a strategy here and turn
this around.
I can actually go on the offensive and have them be the one defending themselves.
It's such a foreign concept because throughout the entire relationship, they've tried to
exert this coercive control over you, and have you almost believing as if you're in
a cult or something, like that you can't ever get what you want.
You can never turn this around.
And I'm here to tell you that you absolutely can.
They can have a hundred flying monkeys and a whole army of people outside, it doesn't
really matter.
What matters is what happens in that negotiating room.
And when you go in to mediate your case, or you go in front of a judge, they're not going
to have all these flying monkeys in there, unless they want to parade 100 witnesses in
there.
But you can also parade witnesses and trial gets expensive.
So, I do highly recommend that you try to have enough leverage that you can use in settlement
discussions but even if...
I've seen cases settle at lunchtime at trial.
So, even if you will have to wait to use your leverage until you get to trial, you can still
definitely turn it around.
Never think that it's too late for you.
Always try to turn it around as much as you possibly can.
So, I just want to check out a couple more of your comments.
Catherine says, "You're awesome."
Thank you, Catherine.
I think you are so awesome too.
And I'm so glad that you're here.
So, all right.
"Well, very similar to Scientology."
I mean, it is a form of brainwashing if that's what you mean, as far as the Scientology.
I mean, I don't know that much about Scientology, so I don't want anyone to think that I'm besmirching
Scientology, but I'm assuming that that's what you are saying.
I mean, it is a form of brainwashing what they do, because they are trying to get some
form of control over you.
So, John says, "Explain supply."
I am going to explain narcissistic supply in one of my next ones of these, but just
very briefly I'll just say, that narcissistic supplies anything that feeds a narcissist
ego.
So, it could be money compliments.
It could be exerting control, devaluing, judging, debasing people, putting them down, all that
sort of thing, anything that feeds the narcissist ego.
So, that's my explanation today about flying monkeys.
Beware of flying monkeys.
Beware of flying monkeys everywhere, especially on social media, and places where even if
you've blocked your ex on your social media accounts, beware of the flying monkey minions
who are out there lurking about watching what you're doing.
And also be careful about who you're talking about the narcissists to, because they have
spies everywhere.
And remember that everything you do or say could potentially be a trial exhibit.
So you want to be super careful about making sure that you're the one, if you end up in
front of a judge, wearing the white hat and the other narcissist is the one that has all
the issues.
So anyway, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist and you haven't gotten my
free, crush my negotiation worksheet, you should definitely do that.
Somebody in my Facebook group, which by the way, if you want to join my Facebook group,
you can do that.
That's Narcissistic Negotiators by Rebecca Zung on Facebook.
Come join us in there.
But somebody in that Facebook group just last night said, "Hey, I won my mediation just
solely on Rebecca's free negotiation worksheet."
Which is pretty awesome.
You can get it at winmynegotiation.com, totally yours for free.
And remember to subscribe, if you haven't subscribed to my channel.
Please go ahead and just boom, hit that little subscribe button right now, and hit that notification
bell so that you can be notified when I upload brand new content.
I'm uploading new videos every Monday, Wednesday, Friday now, and I'm going live on Tuesdays
and Thursdays.
So, on Tuesday, I'll be back here, live again, and I will be doing my, Ask the Attorney Anything
session, my AAA session, where I try to answer as many questions that you guys have for me
as I possibly can.
So, thanks so much for joining me today.
I hope that this was helpful for you to understand a little bit more about flying monkeys, and
especially how narcissists use flying monkeys during the negotiation process.
I'm Rebecca Zung, and I send all of you light and peace.
And remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.